


I Know Your Secret

by Dragon_King



Series: I Know Your Secret [1]
Category: Death Note (Anime & Manga)
Genre: Amane Misa is Kira 2, Anxiety, Blood, Depression, F/M, Gore, Kinda, L is good at feelings, PTSD, PTSD symptoms, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Vivian is best mom, Yagami Light is Kira, bi-sexual character
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-02
Updated: 2020-12-04
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:07:54
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 53
Words: 84,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27842728
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dragon_King/pseuds/Dragon_King
Summary: Young Ori Nanase is your average high school student: smart, pretty, fun, but things get weird when her best friend, Light Yagami, starts acting weird, then, L, her favorite detective, tells Ori that Light is the prime in the Kira-Case. Kira is a killer with no real name or face. They kill criminals and need the names and faces of others to do so. When L tells Ori his suspicions, things slowly start to make sense. Is Light the faceless killer Kira, or is the greatest detective in the world wrong for once and Kira is someone else entirely?
Relationships: Amane Misa/Yagami Light, L (Death Note)/Original Female Character(s), Light&origional character, Matsuda&origional character
Series: I Know Your Secret [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2043598
Comments: 7
Kudos: 19





	1. First Impressions

'Breathe.' She told herself. 'Just breathe; it's no big deal. You're making it worse.' She stared at the dreaded beast in front of her, unsure of what the best course of action should be.

'Dammit...' She thought miserably. 'I suck at math.'

Orien Nanase wasn't stupid; far from it, but there was something about math that made her skin crawl. Even just saying the word left an unpleasant taste in her mouth. Yet here she was, suffering in the middle of her math test.

She'd gotten a tutor, but he gave up after his first day. Ori tried not to feel helpless and pitiful, but after her tutor ran out after just twenty minutes, the feeling crept up behind her like a creepy doll in a horror movie.

Time was up. The teacher came down the aisles, collecting the tests. When his eyes locked on Ori, the familiar disappointed look on his face made her roll her eyes. 

"Yeah, yeah, I know." She muttered as she handed him her test. She looked out the window as the humid July air made the leaves on trees curl slightly. Ori found herself wishing she was a tree. She wouldn't have any responsibilities except for taking in sunlight and carbon dioxide and producing fresh air, and the best part was Ori doubted she'd even be aware she was doing it. It would be the same as breathing.

Then she'd met Raito Yagami, though he preferred to be called Light. He was smart, a boy genius, really; charming, good-looking, and got along with almost anyone. Ori never thought that a guy like him could truly be as nice as he appeared. When she had first met him, talking in front of the class like it was a chore to be smarter than everyone else, she hated him. It wasn't fair to judge someone based on appearances, Ori knew that. It was something her mother had often told her throughout her childhood, but here, where looks could make or break your life, it felt more like a survival instinct.

"Excuse me." A masculine voice next to Ori made her turn. It was Raito Yagami. Teen prodigy and quite popular with the ladies. His light brown hair fell neatly over his chocolate-colored eyes. He was pretty tall, standing at around 179 centimeters.

'That's probably why all the girls like him so much. Because he's tall and smart.' Ori thought in annoyance. She watched him lazily with her hand holding up her head as he stared at her.

"Do you need something?" She asked. 

Raito smiled sheepishly. "I couldn't help noticing you were having trouble on the math test. If you'd like, I could tutor you." Instantly, Ori picked her head up. Raito tutoring her would be a huge benefit. He was the smartest guy in their grade. Heck, probably even their school. She quirked an eyebrow at him.

"If you want to keep your sanity, walk away." Ori was aware of the girls watching her with a glare that would scare anyone, but Ori ignored them the best she could. Raito, on the other hand, had put on an easy smile that had the girls growling. 

"I think I'd be fine." He said. 

"You sure about that? My last tutor went running for the hills after just twenty minutes." She replied with a smirk. A small of sweat began to bead down Raito's temple. 

"I could at least try." He countered, still maintaining his smile, though it seemed to have cracked, becoming a little more forced than before. 

"All right, " she gave it. "I'll take you up on that, but only because I want to see how long it'll take for steam to start pouring out of your ears." Ori stuck out her hand for him to take; he shook it with long fingers. 

"So what day works for you?" Raito asked. "I've got cram school during the week, but Sunday or Saturday is just fine for me." Ori retracted her hand once she felt like the physical contact had gone on for a bit too long. 

"How about Saturday at around noon?" She asked. Ratio flashed a dazzling smile that made Ori itch to hit something. Preferably Raito's face, but she ignored it. 

"Perfect!" He said. Just then, the bell rang and everyone was dismissed.

Long story short, he made math a lot easier. His patience was almost limitless, which only annoyed Ori further. He was just so perfect! It was infuriating. 

After thirty minutes of torture, Ori was sure Raito would crack, but everything clicked. Equations made sense. Formulas were easier to remember and put on paper. 

Ori was furious. 

She had figured that once Raito saw that she was a lost cause, he would leave her alone and she'd have an excuse to never talk to him ever again. 

Clearly, it hadn't worked. 

It was a slow process, but Raito began to grow on Ori. They became friends and she even formed a little crush on him, but it didn't last long once she realized she looked up to him like a brother. And that's what they were: friends, sibling-like. At least, that's what it was like for Ori, she had no idea what Raito was thinking half of the time. The guy was almost like a brick wall.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works."  
> -Virginia Woolf


	2. It's Too Quiet

"Honey, it's time to wake up!" A voice too cheery to be real pulled Ori from her dreams of sleeping longer. Her eyelids fluttered up and down groggily at the sunlight streaming through the crack in her gray and teal curtains. She shifted her gaze over to the alarm clock on her nightstand to see that she had another two minutes before she actually had to get up. With a soft groan, she let her eyes drift close and snuggled back into the covers. She'd wait until the alarm went off.

BEEP! BEEP! BEEP! BEEP!

Too soon. Far. Too. Soon. Ori rolled over to face the clock. 7:00 glared at her with angry red digits. The noise was like a banshee in her ears. Ori groaned and smacked the off bottom.

Fine, she'd go to school. 

But she wasn't going to like it.

The trek to school would be the same as always. It was a monotonous cycle she couldn't escape. 

'Oh well, we still have a little bit until winter officially starts.' Ori thought as she sat up in her bed. It had been six whole months since she and Raito had become friends, and life had been pretty boring up until a few days ago.

It had first started when a man held a primary school hostage. It had only been a couple of minutes, but the kids began filing out into the sidewalk and street. Teachers had been hugged up against them as if they were trying to protect them from something outside. As soon as everyone was out of the building, the police force stormed inside. Apparently, the man had died of a heart attack. 

People would be buzzing about it for a few days. They would discuss how the man got what he deserved. Ori agreed. Holding up a school? For what? Children's lives could have been taken, but he died before that could happen.

So yes, it was a nice coincidence. 

Until it wasn't. 

From that point on, more and more criminals started dying of heart attacks. Only criminals. At that point, it couldn't be a coincidence anymore. 

They called the faceless force Kira, meaning killer, and they were all over the news. Some called them a murderer, while others called Kira a ray of hope. In almost an instant, society was torn. 

Not on the surface. It was like a gilded lake. Everything was still mostly normal if you just gave Japan a glance. If you didn't look too deeply, everything was fine. 

The internet was a different story. Opinions were clashing back and forth. Websites were made in honor of Kira, where you could remain anonymous, where no one knew who you really were. You didn't have to hide what you thought. Anyone could say that those bastards needed to die through a screen, and then look someone in the eye and say that any kind of killing was wrong. 

Of course, Ori drank it all up greedily. She took notes of the dates and times of the criminals' deaths. She copied and saved the discussions people had on computer chat rooms. There wasn't much, but she sucked in all the information she could. She just had to find her first clue to Kira's identity.

"Hey, Ori. You're early!" A familiar voice behind her made Ori turn. It was Raito in all his tall glory. Ori frowned as she had to crane her neck up to look at him. 

"Hey, Raito." She greeted as they fell into step next to each other. "How was your weekend?"

"Pretty boring. I got some studying done, but not much else." He gave a nonchalant shrug, but Ori just narrowed her eyes. She was good at determining if someone was lying or not, Vivian often called her a human-lie-detector. She always had a hard time with Raito, though. His speech was so smooth it almost seemed practiced, and his reactions were so mild it was like he had predicted any kind of outcome. Ori wouldn't be surprised if he did. He had proven himself to be calculating and insightful from the very beginning. Sometimes, it made Ori nervous. The fact that he seemed ready for anything made her wonder what was going on in his head. 

This time, there was something off about his tone. He sounded a little giddy, almost nervous. 

His speech was the tiniest bit rushed, almost like he was trying to convince himself that nothing had happened. A curious weight settled on her chest, but she did her best to push it away and shrugged. 

"That does sound boring. I was looking into the whole Kira business."

"Oh yeah? How's that been going?"

"Not very fruitful, I'll tell you that. All there is are victims and people making up theories on the internet."

"I'm sure you'll find something." Ori didn't quite know how to respond above a quiet 'yeah', and so the conversation died. They walked in comfortable silence, but Ori felt like something was wrong. Raito's eyes were flicking around him, barely looking at anything for more than two seconds. 

"Are you OK?" She asked after a moment's hesitation. Raito's brown eyes lock on her. There was something feral about his gaze. A quiet wildness that had her shivering. The look vanished, and Raito put on an easy smile. 

"Yeah, I'm fine." it didn't sound like a lie, but it didn't sound completely true either. 

"All right." She finally caved. The comfortable silence turned sour. There was a twisting in her gut she couldn't ignore; she almost cried when Daikoku finally came into view. It was upsetting. Silence had never been awkward between them before. Raito was a quiet guy, and Ori usually clammed up when she was finally able to focus on something, so stillness wasn't uncommon, but this was new, and it was scary.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Don't tell me the moon is shining; show me the glint of light on broken glass."  
> -Anton Chekhov


	3. One Too Many Questions

Ori continued to stare down her lunch like it had personally insulted her. She was barely even thinking about eating it.

"Are you feeling all right?" Raito asked as he took a seat beside her. 

"Y-yeah." She said. She'd been in a daze, thinking only about the night before. 

"Did you watch the news last night?" Raito asked as if he could read her mind. Ori's head snapped up. The news! Ori felt herself shaking in her seat just thinking about it. She could still feel her heart distantly pounding in her ears when the agonizingly slow seconds ticked by leading up to Lind L. Tailor's death. She had known from the beginning that Tailor wasn't L. She didn't need to know that he was lying to come to that conclusion, though. It was weird that, after years of staying hidden from the world, only being known by a letter, L would come forward when no one knew how Kira killed, or how far they would go. But those seconds where Tailor lied motionless at the desk before security took his body away went at a snail's pace. And then the real L had begun speaking. And then he had dared Kira to kill him. Things weren't going irritatingly slow after that. They were going fast. Impossibly fast. Ori could barely wrap her head around it all.

"Ori? Earth to Ori." Raito was waving his hands in front of her face, brows knit together.

"Huh?" She blinked.

"You zoned out again. Are you sure you're OK?" 

"Dude, I'm good. Just lost in thought."

"If you say so." He said doubtfully. 

"I do say so." Ori shot back and went to finally eat her lunch. "That whole business with L and Kira was nuts. More intense than a circus." Ratio let out a small, bursting laugh before smacking his hand over his mouth.

"That was horrible."

"And yet you're laughing." She smirked. Soon the laughter died down and Raito's amused expression turned serious.

"What do you think of Kira?" The question was meant to be light and uncaring, Ori could tell that much, but it sounded heavy on his tongue. She set her curiosity aside and feigned indifference with a shrug.

"Dunno."

"You don't know? How do you not know?" His voice had taken on an edge that Ori didn't recognize, but found herself disliking. 

"Well, I know what he's trying to achieve by getting rid of only criminals, which I guess is commendable in some sense. Trying to rid the world of evil is a good thing, I suppose, but it also seems like Kira has a God complex. Tailor, the guy posing as L, had called Kira evil, and he didn't hesitate to kill Tailor. Kira thinks that what he's doing good to a fault, which I can't say I agree with.

"I also don't like murder outside of fake TV shows and movies, so that could have something to do with it, but these people are already getting dished out their punishment, you can't just assume that bad people will stay bad. It's better to believe that they'll change for the better."

"But what if they don't?" Raito still hadn't touched his food, opting for staring intently at Ori. She just shrugged and pushed her rice around with her chopsticks. 

"I don't know, but the first instinct shouldn't be murder. People and families already suffer enough through war, who knows what kind of civil war Kira will put us through.

"Not to mention, people are falsely accused of crimes all the time. It's obvious that Kira's trying to keep the innocent alive, but how many innocents do you think they've killed because of faulty witnesses or biased juries?" She saw Raito swallow thickly out of the corner of her eye. He seemed kind of out of it. Almost flustered. It wasn't long before he seemingly pulled himself together with a reason smirk.

"Are you sure you're not just saying all this because L's against Kira?" He stood, the blowing wind playing with his brown hair. Ori had to crane her neck up to look at him whenever they talked. She wasn't the tallest person around, and Raito seemed to make it his mission to tease her about it every chance he got.

"No, I have my own opinions. Saying them out loud, though, I think I am against Kira." She replied breezily, but Raito still looked like he didn't believe her. 

"Whatever you say." His tone sounded bitter. Ori didn't like what was happening. It made her stomach churn and her heart clench. It sounded like he was a supporter of Kira, just by the way that he reacted to her belittling them, but she didn't think he'd be so sensitive about it. He was always the type to let things just roll off his back. Was he that confident she'd agree with him? And if so, why? It made her head hurt, and they were stuck in awkward silence for the rest of lunch.

"I'll see ya later, Raito." Ori shouldered her bag nervously and waved. The entrance exams to Todai would be starting in just over a week, and Ori would need all the time in the world to study. Raito would be busy helping other people study, so she was on her own. Not only that, but the way their conversation had soured during lunch still sat ill in her stomach like rotting fruit, and left a bad taste in her mouth. 

Thoughts of Kirs began to worm their way into her mind. Who were they? What were the chances of her knowing them? Based on L's deductive reasoning, everyone knew what Kira needed to kill, but how they went about it was a different matter. Was it some kind of power, or something more scientific? Ori made her way home feeling more confused than ever before.   
How was L supposed to find Kira, when no one even knew who Kira was?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There is no greater agony than bearing an untold story inside you."  
> -Maya Angelou


	4. Emotional Entrance Exams

Entrance exams were only a few days away, and Ori couldn't have been more nervous. Raito was as infuriatingly calm and collected as usual, which only made Ori feel worse. It was obvious that Raito would get the top score, no matter who was there. 

The one day Ori was finally able to get Raito to help her study, she went over to his house. It was a short session, only about an hour and a half, but by the end of it, Raito's mother was fussing over Ori on her way out the door.

"Really, Mrs. Yagami, my mom already has dinner waiting for me and it's only a short walk. I'll be all right." Ori was trapped in a warm and comforting, yet overly tight, hug.

"If you say so, dear. Tell your mother I said hello." Raito's mom finally let go, and Ori staggered to the door, trying to get the circulation back in her arms. She was so strong!

"I will, Mrs. Yagami. Have a good night." She gave a small wave to his mother and little sister as the door closed behind her, cutting off the light. Ori stepped down the rest of the steps and passed the gate.

"Hey, Ori!" Came Raito's voice from his balcony. Ori craned her neck up for the millionth time to talk to him.

"Be careful on your way home, all right? There are all sorts of weirdos out there." He was leaning against the railing, still in his white, red, and brown uniform. Sometimes, it was like the guy didn't have any other clothes.

"I can imagine you'd fit right in." She shot back with a laugh. Raito just waved her off and closed the door, shouting, "nevermind! Get kidnapped for all I care." Ori laughed one last time, then tucked her hands into her jacket. The temperature was starting to drop, and winter would officially be on them like a helicopter parent wrapped in an icy blanket.

Once Ori was stepping into the familiar warmth of her own home, a wave of stress rolled off, and exhaustion took its place.

"Welcome home, Honey. How was studying with Light?"

"It was good." She broke off with a yawn. "I'm just gonna go to bed." She placed her hand on the stair railing, ready to haul herself into her bed and sleep for a hundred years, when she felt a hand grip her shoulder.

"I hope you didn't plan on skipping dinner; I made your favorite: sweet and sour chicken on rice." Vivian's voice was low and gravelly and sent chills running down Ori's back.

"N-no! Of course not. Thank you for the meal." Nervous sweat gathered at her forehead and neck. Ori let go of the railing and let herself be pulled to the dining room where the chicken was still steaming on top of ice rise stained brown with sweet and sour sauce in white bowls. Ori's stomach growled loudly at the sight.

"Yeah, that's what I thought," Vivian said, slipping into English and using a bratty voice.

"Aren't you a little old for that, Mom?" Her innocent question was met with a horrifyingly sweet smile. 

"What was that?" 

"Nothing! I said nothing!" Ori flew her hands up in nervous surrender. This wasn't good for her heart. She should really stop talking when she's tired; Ori had absolutely no filter sometimes. 

Two hours later, Ori's stomach and heart were full of good food and good vibes. It felt good to relax after a long day of school and studying. Ori climbed up the stairs and sluggishly opened the door to her room. Falling face-first on her gray comforter, she let out a low groan. Her body felt heavy and her eyes had slipped shut before she even had the chance to change out of her school uniform. Oh well, the next day was Saturday anyway.

It was here. The day was finally here and Ori thought she was going to spontaneously combust. Either that, or she was going to throw up.

"Don't worry so much, Honey, you're going to do great." Vivian had Ori trapped in a motherly hug. It wasn't as tight as Mrs. Yagami's hold had been, thank God, but it was warm and eased Ori's scrambled mind, if only for a few seconds. 

"Thanks, Mom." She whispered into the crook of Vivian's neck. Seeking physical comfort wasn't something she did often, but every now and then, when the stress was almost too much to handle, Vivian always seemed to be there with a motherly touch. Moms really did have a sixth sense for these kinds of things.

"Mom, as nice as this is, I have to go." Ori let out a breathless laugh when Vivian finally let her go with a soft "oh."

"Yes, yes. Go on. Don't stay here for another second." In an instant, Vivian was pushing Ori out the door. She barely had enough time to slip on her boots before the door shut behind her. She rolled her eyes and walked down the path to the front gate. It was clear that Vivian was just as nervous as Ori, if not more so. 

As soon as Ori began walking out on the sidewalk, she pushed away thoughts of her exams the best she could by thinking about the Kira Killings. Nothing had changed since L had called Kira out in front of the entire Kanto region of Japan, but Ori felt like she was forgetting something. Something important. 

Ori wouldn't deny that as soon as L began to talk about the trick he had played on Kira, she had zoned out a little bit, only catching his words once she was able to calm herself down, and it seems that it was now kicking her in the ass. 

'Come on. What else did he say? I have to have all the information I can if I want to solve this.' Ori pressed a closed fist to her forehead, her eyebrows scrunching. What else did L say?! Her mental turmoil lasted until she walked past the huge gates of Todai, but she was so wrapped in her own head she barely gave it any thought.

"Excuse me, but are you all right?" A monotone voice yanked Ori out of her head and made her look to her right. On the edge of the sidewalk, so close to her she could feel the brush of clothes, was the palest man Ori had ever seen. He almost looked like a panda: dark circles under darker eyes clashed against snow-white skin. Messy hair struck out every which way and hung over the obsidian irises that watched Ori intently. 

"Um..." Ori replied intelligently. "What?"

"I asked if you were all right." The man said again patiently. At least, Ori thought he sounded patient, it was really hard to tell when he sounded and looked so tired.

"I'm - uh - I'm fine?" She couldn't help the questioning lilt that crept into her voice. This never happened, and for good reason. You didn't just walk up to some stranger on the street and ask them if they were mentally stable. 

"Are you nervous because of the exams? There's really no need to worry so much."

"Why would you think I was nervous?" 

With zero hesitation he pointed to her hand, which was tightly wrapped around the strap of her bag, the knuckles turning white. 

"Just a hint." He murmured, his flat voice had finally taken a teasing lilt to it. Ori let herself crack a smile and huff out a small laugh. She unraveled her hand from her back and offered it to the panda-man. 

"I'm Ori Nanase." He took her hand with cool, thin, fingers. He didn't grasp her whole hand, no; it was more like he was holding a baby kitten. Long digits loosely grasping her hand and shaking it once before letting go.

"Hideki Ryuga," he said carefully like he had practiced it. Instantly, Ori knew he was lying. 

"It's nice to meet you, Ryuga." She said instead. Placing her hand back on her back, she shifted her gaze back to in front of her. Everyone around them was wearing formal suits and skirts. Ryuga and Ori stuck out like a pair of sore thumbs. Ryuga in his baggy, washed-out blue jeans that were obviously too big, and an equally big white, long-sleeved shirt, and Ori in her black jeans, black leather boots, white T-shirt, and a plaid blue flannel. Vivian knew this was as fancy as Ori could get, so she didn't mind it too much.

Ryuga looked like he would be the same height as Raito if he were to straighten his back. It was hunched over so he was just a little bit closer to Ori's meager height of five foot. Five-one may have been the average height for a Japanese woman, but with Raito towering over her all the time, being average meant nothing.

All around them, the few people who weren't by themselves were talking about Kira. 

"Seems to be the only thing people can talk about now." She mumbled to herself. 

"Kira?" Ryuga asked, pulling a lollipop out of his pocket. 

"Yeah, they're probably all terrified of doing something wrong."

"Yes, it seems Kira's methods have been quite effective." Ori's curly hair whipped into her face as a sudden breeze blew through the courtyard. She spluttered in surprise and wrestled it into a loose ponytail. 

"It's very breezy," Ryuga said absentmindedly. 

Ori laughed and nodded. "Yeah, makes me glad I wore jeans." Ryuga gave a low hum in the back of his throat but said nothing else. The front doors were getting closer and closer. Before long, they were walking through with everyone else. A sea of potential students filtering into a giant room and into their own seats.

During the exam, one of the supervisors yelled at Ryuga for not sitting correctly in his chair. When Ori spared a quick glance back and almost erupted into laughter. Ryuga's chair was tipped back with him sitting on the very edge and his bare feet propped up on the desk. While Ori was trying to hold in a wheeze, she was hoping that Ryuga didn't fall out of his seat.

Ori wanted to die. 

The exam had been easy... until she got to the math portion. Right... because math was a thing. She was able to think back to all the study sessions she had had with Raito, but they were long and complicated that Ori felt her brain melting through the orifices in her face. Her eyes felt tired and her hand cramped and her back hurt and her legs were tired from the excessive amount of stress bouncing. 

When the supervisor called out that the exam was over, Ori's hand gave out. The pencil clattered out of her hand and she slumped over the desk. She felt spent and mentally exhausted. 

"How did you do?" Raito slipped in the now empty seat beside her, scooching up close. Instead of properly answering, she released a low, garbled, groan. 

"I'm sure it wasn't that bad."

"Easy for you to say." She grumbled into her arm, sounding muffled in her own ears. "You're a prodigy. Go take your stupidly perfect brain and face and leave me alone. You're pissing me off with your big brain." There was a tiny whining noise, and when Ori looked up at Raito, she let out a groan. No one knew this, because Raito normally did a good job at hiding it, but Raito got really emotional when Ori... 'insulted' him. He never seemed insecure about himself, so it was weird, but he always got sad and depressed if Ori said something even remotely negative about him. At school, he acted like everything was fine, but Ori had seen his eyes water with unshed tears too many times for her liking. 

"I'm sorry." He muttered, ducking his head like a kicked puppy. Ori let out another groan and slapped her hands on the desk, pushing her tired body up to a standing position. She pressed a hand down on Raito's head and ruffled his hair a little. 

"You're such a child. Come on, let's go to the café; I'm hungry." Raito let out a quiet sniffle and nodded. It was hard to believe that someone so sure of himself most of the time could get emotional so easily. Sometimes, Ori thought it was a joke. 

"Is he all right?" Ryuga materialized next to Ori, and she jumped, letting out a small, high-pitched squeak.

"Geez, don't do that, dude!" Ori exclaimed, a hand pressed against her chest.

"I apologize." He said, not sounding remotely sorry, then turned to Raito and asked again, "Is he all right?"

"He's fine, he just gets emotional sometimes."

"That seems highly unlikely." He said. 

"Well, the proof's right there." She gestured to Raito half-heartedly with a disappointed glance. Raito didn't notice; he was too busy wiping his eyes with his sweater sleeve.

"That's kind of pathetic," Ryuga said, now looking apologetic.

"It's fine. It's annoying, but I'm used to it." She picked up her back from the back of her chair and slung it over her shoulder. "We're going to a café for lunch, you wanna join? Raito's paying."

Ryuga's black eyes lit up to a dull gray and nodded. "Yes, I'd like to join."

"Cool. Raito, pull yourself together, man. I'm hungry and you're keeping me from getting food."

"Right, sorry." He stood and pushed the chair back under the table because he's just a good student like that. 

The three of them exited the exam room. Somehow, they had failed to realize that they were the only students left. Some teachers that had walked in gave them the stink eye when they left, upset that they had been loitering around. 

"Man, I am so glad that that exam is over. I felt like my brain was about to explode!"

"Really?" Ryuga asked. "I thought it was easy." Without stopping, Ori glared at him before tossing her head back and groaning. "I hate you both."

"I'm sorry." Raito whimpered again, which only made Ori groan again. What was her life sometimes?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When your story is ready for a rewrite, cut it down to the bone. Get rid of every ounce of excess fat. This is going to hurt; revising a story down to the bare essentials is always a little like murdering children, but it must be done."  
> -Stephen King


	5. What're Your Thoughts

"God! I'm so hungry!" Ori groaned. 

"Yeah, we got that." Light laughed; L just rolled his eyes. They were walking into a café, and instantly, the smell of cake and expresso cascaded over him like a warm blanket. His mouth began to water. 

"All right, I'm gonna go order. Ryuga, what do you want?" Ori glanced back at L, the gold in her blue-green eyes turned almost white in the fluorescent lighting. 

"Just a cake and tea, lots of sugar. Thank you." She nodded and went up to the front counter. 

"Come on, there's an open seat over here." Light gestured to a table hidden from the rest of the café by a set of ferns. 

"Thank you, Light. This is helpful because there's something I would like to talk about before Ms. Nanase gets back."

"What is it?" Light's hands were clasped on the table. L curled his hands over his knees as he perched himself in his seat. He pressed his thumb to his lip and let his lip curl the tiniest amount.

"I am L, and you are Kira." L bit down on his thumb. Light's eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then he let out a chuckle.

"Really? Do you think I'm Kira? What makes you think that?"

"Why are you guys back here? It took me forever to find you." Ori slid into her seat next to Light, huffing in irritation. "I ordered; the food should be here soon."

"Thank you, Ori." L said. Ori just nodded, drumming her small fingers on the table.

L was perplexed. In the few hours of knowing Light and Ori, he learned that Light was secretly really emotional when it came to Ori insulting him if you could call what she did insulting.

Ori Nanase was quite strange too. She relatively had a very joking and cheerful personality but seemed to get annoyed with Light fairly easily, even if jokingly. 

She didn't strike L as the kind of person to be friends with Light. She was too outgoing, too charming to be friends with someone as reserved and quiet as Light.

The café was nice but modest. Ori, Light, and L were tucked into a corner, away from everyone else. Light sipped his coffee, while Ori inhaled a sandwich and a coconut ice cream shake next to her. L poked at the strawberry on top of his cake and took a drink from his tea. He glanced up at Ori, who was licking the mayo off her fingers. 

"Forgive me if this comes off as rude, Ms. Nanase, but Ori is a very unusual name." Half of L was genuinely curious about Ori's name, but his other half just wanted to see her reaction. How she responded to his statement could spell out her personality as a whole. Some people tended to be sensitive to their names. He kind of expected to get scolded for sounding rude - that's what normally happens, right? Instead, Ori just laughed and gulped her shake. 

"I get that a lot. My parents named me after the Asian Lung Dragon: Dracos Orientalis Magnus." Light looked at her with a confused expression.

"You never told me that."

"You never asked." Ori shrugged. L decided to take it another step further after shoving a piece of cake into his mouth.

"Because of your eyes?" He asked. Ori made a startled noise, face turning pink. Ori's appearance was unusual for a Japanese woman. Her hair was abnormally light, light brown streaked with golden blond, and her eyes were the blue-green, the color of the ocean, and dotted with flecks of gold. Her eyes were strangely wide, but L remembered from reading her file that her mother was an American woman from California. 

"As I'm sure you're aware," he went on, "The Draco Orientalis Magnus is said to have blue, green, and gold scales, and your eyes are very beautiful." Ori's already pink face turned a violent shade of red as she both blushed and choked on her shake at the same thing. As Ori coughed and fought to get her breath back, Light patted her head reassuringly, the first sign of affection he'd shown since meeting L. 

"She doesn't quite know how to accept compliments yet." Light explained. 

'There's a higher chance that he's doing this to get me off his back than actually caring about her.' 

Ori pouted at his words and batted his hand away, but said nothing more.

"All right," L said, "I'd prefer to get straight to the point." Ori straightened herself in her seat, seeming to sense the change in atmosphere. Light just narrowed his eyes.

"Thanks to Light, these chairs are nicely hidden away from everyone, so talking will be easy."

"Well, I more did it so that people wouldn't stare at the way you sit." Ori smacked his arm harshly and he let out a pained grunt.

"I'm sure there's a perfectly logical reason for him to sit like that." Her scowl melted into a dopey smile. "Besides, I like the way he sits. It looks fun."

"I'm not sitting like this because I want to; I have to. If I don't sit like this, my deductive reasoning will be reduced by roughly forty percent." Ori's sea-colored eyes were blown wide with excitement.

"Really? That sounds so cool." She asked, her pupils practically sparkling if that was possible. 

'Are we sure she's nineteen?'

"Yes, now can we focus?" They both nodded. "Good. Now, Light's already aware of this, but since you're a friend of his, and I believe you'll have something to offer, I won't keep you out of the loop."

"OK, but when did you have time to talk about anything with Raito?"

"While we were waiting for you." She gave a brief nod of understanding but kept her mouth shut. 

"I am L." He said. He didn't see a reason to beat around the bush any longer. Ori's eyes widened, while Light just frowned. 

"You're... L?" Ori asked in a hushed voice. Her hands were gripping the table tightly. Light glanced down at her, his mouth quirking. 

"Is this a problem?" L asked cautiously. Ori's gaze was still wide and it was becoming slightly unnerving. 

"No! no no no, no problem at all!" She was shaking in her seat, gripping her milkshake glass rather tightly. Her mouth twitched as a big smile slowly stretched across her face. She sucked in a sharp breath. Light made a quick move of slapping a hand over her mouth. 

"She's a fan." He said simply. As if that explains everything. 

"While I'm glad you look up to me, don't you think you believed me too soon? I could easily be an imposter."

"Hmm, I don't think so," Ori answered quickly. "You have absolutely no reason to lie, besides, in comparison to Kira, I'd imagine you're not too popular right now."

"Kira's killing people. How would he be more popular than me?"

"While Kira is killing criminals, yes, they're only going after criminals, not random and innocent people walking around. Citizens think Kira's providing a civil service. Ridding the world of evil, stuff like that."

"I'm not sure I follow." L said. Ori rolled her eyes and crossed her arms over her chest, smiling smugly.

"I'm sure you do, L, you just want me to say it." There was a pause, and L caught Light's gaze. Light's face was almost completely blank save for the tiny quirk of his mouth. They stared at each other for a split moment, L trying to figure out what Light was thinking, but Ori was the one who spoke again.

"Why are you guys staring at each other so much? You guys gonna kiss or something?"

"Wh-what?!" Light sputtered, glaring at her. "You've got to be kidding me."

"Hey, it's fine if you were, I was just curious."

"Can we please get back on topic?" L sighed, pinching the bridge of his nose. Ori snorted, but nodded regardless. The gold in her eyes flashed as she leaned forward, arms crossed over the table as she rested her weight on them.

"You need to think about things from an emotional point-of-view. Imagine that your whole immediate family was murdered. The people who raised you and loved you and sacrificed for you your whole life, just gone. Gone in a mere instant. Now, the person who did it might be caught. They might be arrested and jailed, but what does that do? Why should this horrible trash of a human being get to live when innocent, amazing people didn't? That's just not fair.

"Then the murderer dies of a heart attack. You'd think that it's just some nice karma. The bastard got what they deserved, right? Well, then another criminal dies of a heart attack. Then another and another and soon so many criminals are dying that you are certain that this isn't just happening by chance anymore. They're deliberate." L spared a glance at Light, seeing the smug glint in his eyes and the quirk of his lips. 

'What are you thinking, Light Yagami?'

"Then, the best detective in the world confirmed your beliefs." Ori continued. Her expression and tone were serious, but there was an excited gleam in her eyes. 

'She's enjoying this. She wants to be a detective.' He realized with a start.

"Someone is passing judgment on criminals for their wrongdoings and people are finally getting the justice they deserve for their loved ones, and now someone else is trying to stop them. I'm sure you can see how that would piss people off a little bit." She pushed her spoon into her glass, but the spoon just clattered against the sides. She leaned over to peer inside.

"While I thank you for telling me why people hate me," L said dryly, "you never answered my question as to how you know I'm lying."

"I'm getting to that." She held up a finger. "If you weren't L, and you didn't know who we supported between you and Kira, you'd be a lot more cautious about revealing yourself. Sure, we might say that we don't support Kira because killing is wrong, but you wouldn't know what we're actually thinking. Any old Mediterranean octopus can disguise itself on the seabed if it's good enough.

"And the fact that you're revealing yourself to two highschool students must mean you either want our help, suspect one, if not both, of us of being Kira, or both." She crossed her arms, looking please with herself. She had a right to be; she had said almost everything perfectly. She rambled, yes, but her main components were easy to pick out.

"Why would it be both?" Light asked. He'd been silent for so long, it was strange to hear him speak again. 

"Because if L was right and we are somehow both Kira, why would he let us out of his sight? Friends close and enemies closer and all that shit."

"You're very bright, Ms. Nanase. I'm impressed." He stabbed at a piece of cake, bringing it to his mouth. Ori went red once again and rubbed the back of her neck. 

"Th-thanks." She muttered quietly. 

"I have one more question, though," he said, "what do you think of Kira?" The question seemed to hang in the air, L searching her face for any kind of answers, but finding none. She opened her mouth, but closed it, then opened it again. 

"I think what they're doing is wrong, but I know that the thoughts behind the actions are noble." She said at last. "I, personally, don't agree with killing criminals. I think it's wrong, simple as that, but I can also see the value in it. Crimes have gone down exponentially since Kira's shown up, there's no denying the facts, but exterminating those who have done bad things won't take back what they've done, it only adds to the death count." He could see the slight tremor in her hands as she wrapped them around her tall glass as if trying to absorb the chill coming off it. 

"You can't justify misery with more misery, that's not how life works." There was a pause. Ori's eyes were flicking over to Light, who was busy stirring his coffee.

'Have they had a conversation like this recently? Has Light given off any signs of being Kira to Ori? If so, would she tell me?'

"At the same time, I've never been in a situation where I had to choose between sparing someone's life and wanting the person who hurt me to be held accountable, so I wouldn't really know on a personal level. Maybe I would want Kira to punish them, or maybe I'd try to do my best to move on. I don't know. I just know that I have no right to judge those who've experienced that kind of pain and wanted the ones responsible to answer for it. Their feelings are completely justified, but the actions and responses to those feelings are what really matter. Those are what people are actually paying attention to." Her voice remained firm, but Light cracked a smile.

"You were doing it again." In response, Ori turned on him with a sharp glare.

"So? He asked a question, I answered it. He asked me how I felt, and I told him."

"If you don't worship Kira, then why are you so invested?" L asked.

"I've always wanted to be a detective, and this is the perfect opportunity."

"You're using Kira to become a detective?" L asked. Light just rolled his eyes, muttering how this was 'Classic Ori' under his breath.

"I'm, how would you say it? I'm not a very generous perso-"

"She's selfish." Light interrupted. Ori didn't glare or scold him, or anything like that. She just merely nodded.

"I'm selfish." She didn't sound boastful, or overly guilty about it, she said it like a fact.

"I see." Well, asking for Ori to help him would be easier than he thought if she wanted to be a detective, but asking her to put in team effort sounds like it would be a little more difficult

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Everybody walks past a thousand story ideas every day. The good writers are the ones who see five or six of them. Most people don't see any."  
> -Orson Scott


	6. Tennis and Café Interrogations

"It seems as if we're done here." L set his fork delicately on his empty plate. Ori couldn't believe her luck! She had L, right in front of her, asking her questions about Kira and calling her smart. It was like a dream.

"Light, I heard that you were quite good at tennis, would you like to have a match?" He asked. Ori whipped her head around to look a Raito, eyes wide.

"Since when did you play tennis?" She asked, mindful to keep her voice down seeing as they were still in the café.

"It was when I was in middle school. It wasn't a big deal."

"You never told me that." 

"You never asked," Raito smirked at her, brown eyes dancing cheekily.

"Shut up." She pushed him away from her, but it barely did anything to make him move, which was disappointing, but not unexpected. "You realize you don't have clothes, right?" Light looked down at his own clothes, almost as if realizing he was wearing a sweater and slacks. When he looked up, he threw up his shoulders in a graceful shrug.

"I'll just run home and change. It shouldn't take too long." Then he turned to L. "Is that all right?" Without any hesitation, L nodded, halfway turning to look at Ori.

"There are a few more things I want to ask you. If you're all right with it, of course." Despite the vacant look in his eyes, L's gaze with locked on Ori intently. It almost unnerved her, but she shook off the chill creeping up her spine and flashed a smile.

"Yeah! That's fine with me." She turned back to Raito, who was looking between the two of them with skeptical eyes. 

'What's up with him? Something's not right.' Once more, she shook off the uneasy feeling that had wrapped itself around her shoulders like a cold, wet blanket, and gave Raito a half-hearted wave.

"You go get your stupid clothes, we'll wait." Raito kept a lingering look on them before turning all the way around and walking away.

"I'll try not to take too long." He called back with a small wave. Once Ori and L were alone, she turned to him with a quick smile

"I'm gonna head to the bathroom real quick. Be right back." He gave a single nod and Ori jumped up from her chair and walked to the back of the café where the bathrooms were stored. 

As she washed her hands under the warm, soapy water, Ori felt something brush against her hand, almost like paper. She looked around her feet and saw a tiny corner piece of lined paper. She briefly wondered where it had come from, then shrugged it off. The vents were turned on in the bathroom, so it probably came from there.

It wasn't until she was drying her hands did she see the giant blue beast behind her with the spikey hair and dangling earrings. She jumped back with a yelp, accidentally pressing the hand dryers. Loud air flooded into the room. 

"What the fuck?!" She shouted, then froze. People would be able to hear her if she started yelling, even with the dryer going. She lowered her voice. "What the fuck are you?" The beast in black clothes just stared at her as the dryer kept shouting out air. When it went quiet, the thing spoke.

"What's up? I'm a Shinigami. The name's Ryuk." It said as if that explanation cleared up anything. 

"Umm, okay? Sure. Uh-how'd you get here?"

"Oh! I've been in the café the entire time, you just couldn't see me until now." Ori was so confused. 

"Anyway, I just wanted you to see me to spice things up a bit. I've been bored." He looked at her with a toothy grin, waved, and phased through the fucking wall. Ori stayed there for a while, staring at the place Ryuk had been. Did she finally lose it? Did the stress of the Kira Case get to her already? 

Shaking herself off, Ori left the bathroom and headed back to their seats. L was still there and thankfully didn't question how long she'd been in the bathroom. Instead, he suggested they go outside to talk. 

"Ms. Nanase, you seem rather close to Light." Ori was unsure of what he was trying to get at, but something told her it correlated with her hypothesis of Kira's identity. 

"Yeah, you could say that." They found a set of seats outside the café, unoccupied. L crouched into his seat, hands on his knees, and Ori chose a seat across the table from him.

"There aren't any romantic feelings involved, are there?" Where did that come from? Ori choked on her own spit, coughing into her elbow as she tried to come up with a response. L waited patiently for her to fix herself. As soon as breathing became easy again, she sucked in air and said, "no. He's like my brother." L gave a low hum, looking somehow annoyed despite the blank expression. "That's not much better, honestly." He said while he pulled a lollipop from his pocket. 

"You think he's Kira," it wasn't a question. "And you think I have something to do with it." It was like she had said inside the café, he wouldn't be sharing, or talking, about Kira if he didn't think they were involved in some way.

"I'm only 5% sure that Light is Kira. I was about 2% sure that you were a possible accomplice, but after that little speech you gave, it's dropped down to less than 1%." Ori wasn't really sure how she should respond. She was happy that she wasn't under as much suspicion as before, but L said that it was less than 1%, not a complete zero, meaning he still thought there was the smallest possibility that she was working with Kira.

"He asked me what I thought of Kira, before the entrance exam. He seemed agitated when I said that I didn't agree with them."

"Light asked you what your thoughts on Kira were? Then got upset when you said that you didn't support him?" Ori nodded. Her hands felt stiff as she swiftly cracked them. She didn't like talking about people when they weren't around. Especially when the person she was talking to thought Raito was a sociopathic murderer. But... if Raito heard her talking about him like he was Kira, and he was Kira, then she was sure it wouldn't end well for her. 

"There's something else." She rested her arms on the table. "Raito's been acting weird lately, almost paranoid. He's constantly looking around like there's someone following him, and sometimes I'll hear him muttering to himself, but he's speaking like he's talking to another person."

"What does he say?" This time, it was L's turn to lean closer. His long fingers danced over the grill top of the table. His abyss eyes flashed. 

"I'm not really sure, he's always so quiet and I'm never next to him when he does it, but I'll catch bits of him saying to 'shut up' or that he 'can't talk during school'." L reached a hand up to pinch his lip.

"Very interesting. Tell me, Ms. Nanase, is Light the kind of person to read adult magazines?" A small laugh burst from Ori's mouth. She quickly clapped a hand over her lips to muffle the sound. 

"I'll take that as a 'no', then." L said dryly.

"Sorry, you just caught me off guard. He doesn't even look at girls at school or anywhere else. Sometimes I truly wonder if he's gay." She dropped her voice at the end, but L seemed to catch it anyway.

"I see." He dropped his hand back on his knee, locking eyes with Ori. "We placed cameras and wiretaps around the Yagami household."  
"We? So there's a whole team?"

"Yes, now please let me finish. We placed cameras and wiretaps in Light's room, with permission from Light father, of course."

"So Chief is in on this too?" Ori pinched her own chin. "I can't say I'm exactly surprised, but it must be hard to be investigating his own son." L gave her another annoyed look, and she made a show of zipping her lips shut.

"We found Light looking at magazines full of pictures of woman in bikinis." Ori rung her hands together. "He's the last person to do something like that. My guess would be that he found some of the cameras and assumed that it was you." Out of the corner of her eye, Ori could see Raito making his way over, clad in blue and white shorts and a matching sweatshirt. She snuck her hand into her pocket to pull out her phone and snap a picture. Something like this... it shouldn't be wasted. Unfortunately, it was ruined when she saw Ryuk flapping a pair of furry black wings behind Raito. What the absolute fuck was going on?

"Hey, Im-a-gay, took you long enough." She said with a wide grin as the camera flashed. 

"Please stop calling me that, and why are you taking pictures of me?! Knock it off!" He grappled for her phone as Ori took more and more pictures. She couldn't help herself from laughing wickedly and bouncing out of his reach.

"No way! One of these is going to be my new wallpaper!"

"Um, I think we should go. The woman at the counter is giving us the stink eye." L pointed lazily to the window, where the barista was glaring at the three of them. Ori mustered a shy smile and a matching wave.

"The school has a tennis court, right?" Ori asked when they finally left the café, supressing a giggle whenever she happened to look Raito's way. He just rolled his eyes at her.

"Are you going to keep laughing at me the whole way?" He asked, but his lips were quirked up.

"No no no, this is a good look for you. You should dress like this all the time."

"Shut up."  
"I never knew you had legs, or that they would be so pale." She put a fist to her mouth, stifling more laughs.   
"You're such a child." Raito groaned with a shake of his head.

"Then I'm the smartest child around."

"Whatever, can we start our match now?" Without waiting for a reply, rude, Raito left Ori at the bleachers and went to the court with L. L grabbed a racket and a ball off the railing along the fence. Raito had barely made his way on the court when L served the ball with blinding speed. It didn't seem fair, but Raito didn't complain. 

"15-Love." L said in his soft monotone. Ori suppressed another laugh as she watched the stunned look on Raito's face.

"That was some serve, Ryuga. I didn't even see it coming." Raito laughed, but it strained. Same with the tight smile at his mouth. 

On the outside, Ori knew that people would see this as a friendly rivalry between new friends, but it was more than that. As the two went back and forth, she could feel the frustration coming off Raito. They drew in a large crowd the longer they played, and people even started taking sides. A girl with a black bob and glasses was cheering for 'the cutie with the halo of black hair', which made Ori laugh. She wanted to genuinely enjoy the match, she really did, but not only did sports bore her more than almost anything else, but she also couldn't stop thinking about the real reason behind the match.

L was using this as a way to be testing Raito's reactions. If Raito was Kira, then he would go for the win, but anyone would do that; no one likes to lose. If Raito won, L would probably watch to see if he were to gloat his victory, and if Raito lost, L would carefully watch his reaction, which wasn't going to be easy. While Raito did like winning, he wasn't the kind of person to outwardly gloat or shove his victory in the faces of others when he won, or throw a fit when he lost. Raito was mature for his age; he didn't act like a child, except for getting over-emotional when Ori said anything even remotely negative about him, but seeing that competitive fire burning bright in his brown eyes made Ori more than a little uneasy. 

'Raito will want to prove that he's not Kira more than anything, but is going for the win better than just taking the loss with grace?' The sudden sound of the ball smacking into the chain-link fence made her jump. During Ori's time in deep thought, Raito had won the match. 

'I'm not entirely surprised.' Ori thought, 'now all he has to do is be humble about it.'

"Good game, Ryuga." Raito grinned. Ori let out a sigh of relief. "It's been a while since I've last had a challenge like that. You're really good."

'No!' Ori cried in her head. 'Don't sound so cocky! That'll only make him more suspicious of you.' Unfortunately, Raito wasn't a mind reader and couldn't tell what she was thinking.

"Really?" L asked. "Well, then, I'm glad that I was able to entertain you." His words had been picked carefully, that much was obvious. He could've said anything along the lines of, "good game!" or "you're very talented!" but instead he had said, "I'm glad that I was able to entertain you". Ori was positive that it was a roast of some kind, but there was the undertone to it that suggested L thought Raito saw all of this as a game. Not just the tennis match, but the whole scenario they had been thrown into. If Raito was Kira, then he was going to try to toy with L any chance he got, and L knew it was true. He was going to have to be on guard around Raito until this whole thing blew over. 

L and Raito walked over to Ori, who smiled at the two. She wanted to cover up any traces of doubt she had for Raito while he was standing right in front of her. 

"Great job, you guys!" She cheered brightly. Then she looked at Raito's sweaty body. "Even if you both need a shower!"

L, who showed no signs of having just played an intense game of tennis, merely shrugged. "I'm sure we'll both be rejuvenated shortly."

"Easy for you to say, you look fine," Raito said with a chuckle.

"Were you checking him out, Raito?" Ori asked. She didn't actually think that Raito was gay, but it was fun to tease him about it all the same since he'd never showed any interest in girls before. 

He shot her a hot glare, and with his hair sticking to his sweaty forehead, Ori suppressed a laugh once again.

"When will you stop with that?" He asked.

"When you prove to me you're not gay." She said, her shoulders rising and falling carelessly.

"It's fine if you were, Light." L said, gazing at Raito with his wide eyes. "Homosexuality is nothing to be ashamed of." Ori could feel the wide smile beginning to stretch almost painfully wide across her face. This was probably the best day of her life if you didn't count the fact that Ori had just found out that her best friend was the prime suspect in a murder case and she was a possible accomplice. She could die now and be happy with it. 

"I, myself, am partial to women," L continued, "but if you're into men, that's completely fine as well."

"Stop!" Raito shouted, earning the stares of the dissipating crowd around them. Ori took note of his red face. "I'm not gay-"

"Your last name says otherwise."

"-I just haven't met a girl I like yet, romantically speaking." As if to make sure they believed him, Raito looked between them cautiously. Satisfied with his answer and outburst, Ori decided to give him a break and let it go.

"All right. Well, I'm gonna head home. I'm sure Mom has dinner going, and I don't wanna miss that."

"Didn't you just eat?" Raito asked with an exasperated sigh. 

"And your point is...?" Ori said. When Raito didn't say anything, she turned to L.

"It was a pleasure to meet you." She smiled and bowed slightly. 

"Yes, I assure you the feeling's mutual." And with that, Ori turned around after waving a quick good-bye to Raito and began her trek home, stomach grumbling as she did. 

<> <> <>

"Ms. Nanase certainly is energetic." L said after a moment of silence. 

"Yeah, she is. Pretty mouthy too." Light said with a forced chuckle. Talking casually with his enemy was the last thing he wanted to be doing, but he had to do it to gain his trust. 

"She's quite intelligent," L muttered, thumb pressed against his mouth. Light didn't think that the gesture would be as annoying as it was, but low and behold, it was. 

"We could use someone like her of the Task Force." He said softly. Light's eyes were blown wide.

"Really? Are you sure?" On the inside, Light was smiling. This was perfect! If Ori was working with L, then she could 'prove' that Light wasn't Kira. 

'I just have to be patient.'

"Yes, I'm sure. I wonder if she's too young, however."

"She's turning twenty in may, I don't think that's too young." L hummed softly. "I'm sure whatever you decide," Light went on, "it'll be the smart thing to do. In the meantime, I should be getting home." Light turned on his heel and began to head home. Things were working out far better than Light could've ever hoped, but for now...

Kira had more criminals to pass judgment upon.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What really knocks me out is a book that, when you're all done reading it, you wish the author that wrote it was a terrific friend of yours, and you could call him up on the phone whenever you felt like it That doesn't happen much, though."  
> -J.D.Salinger.


	7. Just A Few Hours

It was almost midnight when Ori's phone went off. She'd been awake, mind still reeling from the day's events, so it wasn't like she'd been yanked from a good night's sleep, but the sudden noise made her jolt all the same. She reached over and flipped the screen up and pressed it into her ear.

"Hello?" She asked cautiously. Who would be calling in the middle of the night?

"Ms. Nanase," a familiar voice said on the other side. "It's L."

Ori felt her stomach curl and chest tighten. "Y-yes. Hello. Hi." She internally cursed herself for sounding so suddenly nervous, but there was nothing she could do about it, and L didn't seem to care. 

"Is there something you need?" She didn't even bother questioning how he had gotten her number. 

"Yes, I was wondering if you would be willing to join me and the Task Force to help us find Kira." Ori was so shocked, her phone almost slipped from her hands. She scrabbled to grab it, muttering hurried curses as she did. When it was securely in her hand once more, she whispered into it.

"You want me... to help you... catch Kira?" 

"Yes." L answered, but she barely heard him. If Ori said yes, she would be working for the greatest detective in the world. Her hero.

"Ms. Nanase? Are you still there?"

"Y-ywah, I'm here, and I'll help you in any way that I can." She was on Cloud 9. No way she could pass up an opportunity like this.

"Fantastic. I'll be sending a vehicle to your home. Please be ready in twenty minutes, and you'll be needing an alias."

"W-wait! Right now?!" This was all moving so fast Ori's head was spinning.

"Yes, is that a problem?"

"No! Not at all!" Ori wouldn't be falling asleep any time soon anyway. On top of today's events keeping Ori awake, L was now asking for her help. Sleep was that childhood from that you lose contact with and only see for special family-friend occasions.

"Good. Please delete this number." And the line went dead. 

'I guess deleting his number makes sense, just in case anyone calls it, but no one goes through my phone.' Without dwelling too much on it, Ori deleted the number and tossed her phone on her bed. She looked down at her clothes. She was wearing just baggy sweatpants and a too-big shirt. She knew that L wasn't one to care too much about clothes, but it'll be better to focus if she wearing more day-ish clothes, so she changed into a pair of ripped blue jeans and a smaller t-shirt. She tiptoed down the stairs, careful not to make too much noise, lest she wake up Vivian. She slipped on her boots and opened the door slowly, remembering the creaking sound it always gives off when opened. There were only a few until the car showed up, and Ori slipped out into the frigged night air. She let out a shiver. 

'I should've known it would be chilly, but it's too late to go back for a jacket now.' 

As she closed the door behind her, the soft purr of a car engine behind her. When she turned, a sleek back limo was waiting. 

'So he knows where I live and sends a limo like it's no big deal.' She thought dryly.'This guy's gonna be a pain in my ass, isn't he?'

The driver's side door to the limo opened and an old man dressed in a sharp suit stepped out. His expression was elderly and kind, yet tired like he hadn't gotten a lot of sleep. It was obvious that he worked for L. Ori exited the gated yard to her house and stepped out onto the sidewalk. Snow was finally beginning to stick to the ground and tangled itself in her wild curls. 

"I'm Watari," the old man said, "I'm here on behalf of L."

"Hello, I'm Maggie Cobb," Watari said nothing as he opened the door for Ori to climb into the back. She stared in awe at the black leather interior. 

"How does L pay for all this stuff?"

"Being the best detective in the world pays well." Watari chuckled. Ori let out a low whistle.

"No kidding."

They stopped when they reached a luxurious looking hotel that reached high into the sky. Watari opened Ori's door before she was even able to unbuckle her seat belt. The guy was, like, seventy, how did he move so fast? The power of butlers wasn't something to scoff at. 

"Thanks." She said as she stepped out. Watari gave a low hum of acknowledgment, opening the door for her again when they reached the entryway to the hotel. She thanked him again as she passed by. 

They went up to the top floor, a clean white door staring at them. This time, Ori grasped the brass handle before Watari would be able to get to it first, and he released a small laugh as the door swung open. Ori expected there to be police officers bustling around the room, files, and papers everywhere, but it was just L, crouched in a chair staring intently at a computer screen. 

"What's up, L?" She greeted. She took a seat in the chair next to him, throwing her legs over the arm away from him. He barely spared her a glance. 

"Good morning, Ms. Cobb. I hope you weren't sleeping."

"Nah, I wasn't. Don't worry about it." Ori ignored how he already knew the last name of her alias 

"Were the day's events what was keeping you awake?"

"Yeah, I kept thinking about you suspecting Raito..." she let her voice drift off. She didn't want to say that she thought he had a point. That he was acting suspiciously. 

"It's all right to say that you agree with me." He said. "There's no shame in being suspicious." Ori stayed silent. What could she say? That she thought her best, and only, friend was an unfeeling, psychopathic murderer? That she was willing to choose the side of the best detective in the world over Raito because L had never failed a case.

"You're quite strange. Despite being quite boisterous, you seem to have a hard time speaking up for yourself and telling people what's on your mind." He stilled didn't look at her, but it felt like he was staring holes in her head. She huffed out a self-deprecating laugh and wrung her hands together, eyes cast down at the floor.

"You're not so normal yourself."

<> <> <>

Ori was much stranger than L had previously anticipated. For the most part, she was cheerful and understanding, but she had these moments of being serious and looking sad. The constant and random change made L's head spin, something that didn't happen often.

"I don't want Raito to be Kira." She spoke at last after a moment of silence. "I don't want my only friend to be some kind of killer. I know what I can't let my emotions ruin my judgment or thought process, I know that. I just- this is so much to handle. I don't think I thought this through enough."

"Do you need to leave? I can't say I'll be happy about it, but I'll understand." She swung her legs over the side over the chair, planting them on the ground. 

"No, I can't. I need to see this through to the end." She smiled tiredly and ran a hand over her face. "Maybe I am tired. I'm not thinking clearly." She threw herself upright in her seat with the slap of her cheeks. She smiled brightly and turned to him. "Geez, you shouldn't let me talk like that, I'm only going to slow us down." She turned the screen of the monitor so she could see it. She scooted closer to L, and he could smell the honey shampoo coming off of her. 

'Is she bipolar, or just putting on a brave face?' But he said nothing. They fell into a quiet system of working. They went for hours, going over notes and criminal background records, only talking when it was required. 

"I should have mentioned this before, but I had an FBI agent trailing Light for a while. He died in a subway station sometime after coming into contact with Light."

"So that's why he was acting strange. If he was Kira, and he killed the agent, he must be watching out for others." Ori stood up from her seat and began pacing back and forth. "Raito's too smart to not realize he was being followed." She began mumbling to herself. "But an FBI agent would be sneaky. Did he have outside help? No, that's not possible. Raito may be popular, but he doesn't talk or hang out with that many people." L watched as she chewed on her thumb, mumbling quietly. 

'Maybe she's finally getting tired. We've been at this for a while.' He thought. 

"But Raito's cunning. He can tell you the truth while spinning it around enough to sound like something else entirely."

"Ms. Cobb," L called, but she didn't seem to hear. "Ms. Cobb, please get a hold of yourself." Still nothing. Fed up, L sucked in a breath and shouted, "Maggie!" She jumped at the sudden sound, toppling out of her chair, then, turned red when she realized what she'd been doing. 

"Oh, sorry, I tend to ramble."

"Yes, I'm aware." L picked up his cake and took a bite. "I think you should go home for the night. Watari will drive you."

"Yeah, sorry. I'll see ya later." She walked out the door with Watari holding it open, who then disappeared down the hallway too. 

"Well, that was interesting," L muttered to himself. "So let me see. She's very intelligent, but she struggles with math. She's able to understand people and read them easily." He stopped himself and thought for a moment. "I wonder what kind of read she got on me." Then, he shook his head and continued his analysis. 

"She overthinks things, which could hurt us later on, but she's able to fit a crowd. It doesn't hurt that she's visually appealing." He picked up a small piece of pineapple and bit into it. "I need to think of a way I can use her." If there was ever a need to go undercover, she would definitely be useful, and if they came across any other suspects, she might be able to get the truth out of them without raising any suspicion. Light would be harder to crack. He knows her and would know what she's trying to do. 

'I don't want Raito to be Kira.' She had said. She knew the probability was high, but she didn't want it to be true, which was understandable. 

"I just hope her feelings toward him won't get in the way of the investigation. She didn't look surprised when I mentioned Raye Penber. She clearly wasn't happy, but not surprised. 

"Maybe she could do something to get information out of him. Hopefully, they've been friends long enough for her to learn his patterns and behavior. 

It was risky: if she knew Light, then Light knew her and things could go bad very fast. L doubted that Light would hesitate to kill Ori if she got in his way. 

'Let's just hope it doesn't come to that.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "One day I will find the right words, and they will be simple."  
> -Jack Kerouac


	8. To Cherish You

"You look awful," Raito said as they made their way to school. A few days have passed since Ori had first started working with L, and the lack of sleep was finally beginning to get to her.

"Really?" Ori asked sarcastically. "I feel right as rain!" Of course she would look tired. After getting home from L's hotel room, changing into her pajamas, and falling into bed, it had almost been five in the morning. Two hours of sleep later, here was Ori, ready to collapse. 

"You sure? I feel like you're gonna fall over at any minute." He said, like he was reading her mind. It was scary how close their thoughts were sometimes. 

"I'm fine, Raito. Don't worry so much, otherwise, you'll have a heart-" She stopped herself. Saying Raito was going to have a heart attack was a joke she used to tease him with whenever he got too mother hen-ish. Now, the joke didn't seem so funny.

"Light, Ms. Nanase, good morning." That familiar monotone voice said behind them. L was hunched over as usual, the heels on his too-big jeans brushing against the ground. 

"Ryuga! How's it goin'?" Ori greeted with a smile.

"I'm fine. You look horrible." His own black eyes locked on the dark circles under her eyes. 

"It's all good." When two sets of eyes looked at her, full of doubt, she frowned. "Come on, I never lie. I'm great."

"That in itself is a lie," Raito said, crossing his arms. "What about that time you-!?" Ori jumped up and smacked a hand over Raito's mouth, clinging to his torso to hold herself up.

"Shut up, please~!" She interrupted in a sing-song voice. 

"Now I'm curious." L cut in as he pressed his thumb to his lip. Ori climbed down from her spot on Raito's back, laughing nervously the whole way.

"Let's just say my sweet tooth's gotten me in trouble on more than one occasion."

"Trouble like getting banned from almost every candy shop in the Kanto region of Japan?" Raito reminded her. She shot a glare his way. "It's not my fault that little girl was trying to shake down the cashier. That's all I'm saying." She put up her hands above her head in defense, then put them down when she shivered at the memory of that terrifying child in the platinum blond pig-tails. "My shins will never forget what happened that day."

"You're being overdramatic," Raito said. "It wasn't that bad."

"You were there!" She threw a hand on his shoulder, bringing him successfully down to her level and poking him repeatedly in the nose. "You saw how vicious that little girl was." Raito pulled her hands away from his face and shoulder and rose to his full height once more.

"She was seven."

"That's a terrifying age for girls."

"I'm very much interested in hearing this story." Raito smiled smugly as Ori slowly turned around to face L.

"I'm never going to tell you, and if Raito ever tells you, he's going to find himself in a lot of pain." She smiled brightly.

"I don't know what's more disturbing: the threat, or the fact you're smiling," Raito said. Ori faced him, smile still in place. "Oh, it's not a threat, it's a promise."

"Definitely the smile." L said. He maintained his bored tone and expression, but his eyes twinkled with humor. He shifted his focus from Ori to Raito.

"Light Yagami, I would like to ask for your help for the Kira Case." 

'Well, that was a sudden change on topic.' Ori felt her breath halt in her lungs. L was asking Raito to help him because he wanted to keep an eye on him, but Raito would know that. What if he said no? Would that be more suspicious than him saying 'yes' because he wouldn't want to make L think Raito was Kira even more? Or would saying 'yes' be more suspicious because he didn't want to appear suspicious?

Ori's head was beginning to throb painfully. Maybe she needs more sleep, but that wasn't her fault; the investigation was to important. 

And what about her? She was helping too. Would Raito be offended and think she was trying to prove that he was Kira? Or would he think she was trying to prove that he wasn't Kira? Ori didn't even know. She wanted to find out who Kira was and why and how they killed. She didn't want to out anyone, Ori just wanted answers to all of her burning questions. This was a once in a lifetime opportunity

"Ori? Are you all right?" Raito's voice wafted through her foggy thoughts. She blinked a couple of times to focus on herself. L and Raito were both staring at her with two different expressions. Raito's brows were furrowed with worry, and L was just watching her. It was like he could read her thoughts, understand completely what was going on in her head. 

"Yeah... yeah, I'm okay." Her voice sounded distant and muddled like she was talking through water. Even to her own ears, it didn't sound convincing. Raito still looked suspicious but nodded. 

"So you'll be joining me and Ms. Nanase from now on." L said. Raito didn't look surprised and flashed a smile at Ori. There was something off about the smile. It looked cocky and even a little smug. It sent Ori's hair standing on end. 

'If Raito and Kira are the same person,' Ori thought for the hundredth time, 'would he hesitate to get rid of me if I got too close?' The very thought made her skin itch and crawl. She pushed it away and pushed on a bright smile. 

The day rushed by in a blur, and before Ori knew it, she was saying good-bye to Raito and L.

"Well, 'tis a tragedy to leave thee alone, but thine mother hath mine food prepared." Ori said. Raito rolled his eyes in annoyance.  
"Do you think about anything other than food?" Ori put a hand over her heart in mock offense.   
"I'm surprised you would ask such a question, Raito! The answer is obviously 'no'."

"It's important to keep our bodies healthy and fed." L pointed out, and Ori nodded.

"Yeah, healthy. Not overstuffed. Ori, there's no way you can stay so small with your appetite." L opened his mouth to speak, but Ori went first.

"That's a trade secret, Raito, even though you're in on it without even knowing." She kept her voice low, as if to make it sound interesting, but Raito just flicked her in the forehead. 

"Whatever, just get home safe, okay?"

"Ok! See you two later!" She ran off, waving as she did. 

"I'd advise watching where you're going." L called out, but Ori was just fine.

"Welcome home, Honey. How was school?" Ori's mother greeted her cheerfully when she opened the door.

"It was good." Vivian's ocean blue eyes seemed to glow with kindness. It was the same look Ori got every time she came home from school. How much longer would she be able to see that look? Maybe it was because of Ori's high possibility of death now that she was officially taking part in the Kira Case, but Ori found herself wanting to cherish Vivian more. She worked so hard. Her job made good money, but it took a lot out of her, and she still found the energy to put Ori's needs before hers. She really was amazing. 

Ori stepped closer to Vivian, wrapping her arms tightly around her neck, stuffing her face into the crook of Vivian's neck. She smelled like home and baked goods. 

"I love you, Mom. I don't think I say that enough." Vivian let out a small gasp, then slowly returned Ori's hug.

"I don't know what brought this on, but I'm not going to question it. I love you too, Honey." This was selfish, Ori knew that. To tell her mother how much she loved her when she could die at any moment. Maybe she just wanted Vivian to remember her like this. But if Ori didn't do it now, when would she ever be able to?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The difference between the almost right word and the right word is a really large matter. 'tis the difference between the lightning bug and the lightning."  
> -Mark Twain


	9. Poems, Dinner, and Vivian's a Good Mom

"So you really did recruit her." Light said. L seemed unfazed by the condescending lilt in his voice. Either that, or he just didn't notice.

'This is perfect. If Ori's on the Task Force, she'll be trying to prove that I'm not Kira.' Light chuckled inwardly; this was absolutely perfect.

"Yes, I thought she would prove to be a valuable asset, and I was correct."

"Are you the reason why she looks like death?"

"Possibly, but she hasn't asked to stop yet, so we'll just keep going." Light faked an airy chuckle. He was aware that Ori was beginning to become more suspicious of him, even if her joining the Task Force would benefit him more than hurt him. Light would need to figure out how to pull her closer to him. Her dad wasn't around, and she never talked about him. It was just Ori and her mother, Vivian. Maybe...

No, Kira didn't kill innocents. But this could also help him exterminate more criminals. The needs of many outweighed the need of one, right? He'd have to think about it more. 

Behind Light, Ryuk chuckled almost as if he could read Light's thoughts. Could Shinigamis read minds? Probably not, thought Ryuk would never give him a straight answer if he asked anyway.

Ryuk had been disappearing a lot lately. He never said where he went, but things were getting weird with him.

A black limo pulled up in front of them, and the door in front of L was opened by an older man in a tailored uniform. 

"Would you like a ride home, Light?"

"No thanks; I'm fine walking." The detective nodded. He crouched down into the car, and it rolled away.

<> <> <>

"Can I have dinner at your mother's house?" Ori jumped when L slunk into her peripheral. He loomed over her like a depressed cat, casting long shadows with his equally long legs. 

"Excuse me?" Had she heard him right?

"Can I. Have dinner. At your mother's house?" He said it slower, which just sounded patronizing. 

"Um... sure? I don't see why not. I just need to stop at my locker real quick." L gave a slight nod and fell silent. He was so weird. Ori remembered how he had held his paper and talked like a robot during the Entrance Ceremony. Just a few days ago, while they were searching for Kira, L revealed to her that the paper had been blank the whole time. She found it both impressive and hilarious.

They had finally made it to Ori's locker. She opened it and reached inside. Her locker was almost too tall for her to reach, which was irritating, but she was able to grab what she came for. It was a binder for her psychology class. When she pulled her hand back with her binder, a pink envelope came fluttering out. Ori was putting her binder in her bag as L bent down to pick it up. He handed the envelope to her. It was bright, pastel pink with a red heart holding it closed. Ori chuckled at the cheesiness of it. 

"A love letter, seriously? Are we in middle school or something?" Out of curiosity, she opened the letter. As she scanned over the words, she found that it was a sappy love poem. 

With you brown hair shining in the sun;  
I'm hoping we can have some fun.

Your smile is so bright,  
It glows like a light.

So meet me on the roof at seven,  
And we'll make our own heaven.

Ori read it over a few times. The more she read it, the more she had to fight off the laugh building in her chest. She handed the letter to L, chuckling.

"Get a load of this. Do you think they gave it to me by accident? God, this is the worst love poem I've ever read."

"I don't think so. You do have brown hair."

"Yeah, just like over half the people here." 

L handed the letter back to Ori and she placed it into her bag. It would be something funny to show Vivian. They left Ori's locker and stepped outside onto the cement pathway. Ori had her hands pushed into her sweatshirt pockets, her messenger bag hitting her thigh familiarly.

"It's six-thirty. You're not meeting them? Not even to deny their feelings?"

"Me not showing up will get the point across more than me actually saying 'no'. No, I'm more worried about how they got that letter in my locker. I'm not sure if they slipped it through the slot or open the locker by hand, either way, it weirds me out that they knew where my locker was."

"Maybe they were watching you."

"That's why it weirds me out." Ori rubs her head. "Geez, I can't believe people still do love letters, namely college students." They walked past the entrance gate, now on the sidewalk by the main road.

"I think you'll like my mom. She's a sweet lady."

"You look like her." L said absentmindedly. As they passed a café, he stared inside. Ori had to grab his arm to pull him away.

"You're about to eat dinner, and no doubt Mom will have a giant dessert waiting for after, so I think you'll be good." He finally let her pull him away from the window with an almost inaudible huff.

"Geez, you're like a little kid."

"As an adult, I take offense to that."

"How old are you, anyway?"

"Twenty-two." He was surprisingly patient with Ori's rambling. Even Light would've asked her to stop to take a breath at this point. At the thought of Light, Ori grew quiet. She thought back to her ravaged room. Hopefully, L had taken out the cameras before he saw that.

They were quiet the rest of the way. Ori led L until they were standing in front of Ori's warm and welcoming house. The blue-gray paint was a familiar sight that warmed Ori's heart. She walked up the steps and opened the door. The scent of cooking food drew her in like a moth to a flame.

"Hey, Mom. I'm home."

"All right, Honey. I'll be right there."Ori moved further into the house so L could come in all the way. Ori pushed her boots off with her toes after she unlaced them, walking into the kitchen where Vivian was stirring tomato sauce. Ori placed a chin on her shoulder.

"You'll never guess what I got today, Mom." Ori pulled away to fish the letter out of her pocket. She read it out loud, having to take small breaks to collect herself. Once she was does, Vivian was laughing along with her.

"I don't know how I feel about the letter. It sounds like they want to do the honkey-tonk." Ori choked on air at the words and laughed some more. She went to the fridge to pull out some milk. She grabbed two glasses from the cabinet and the package of Oreos from above the fridge. 

"What's that for, Honey?"

"I invited my friend, Ryuga, over for dinner and he told me he's never dipped cookies and milk, so I wanted him to try it."

"You brought a friend? Why didn't you tell me?" Vivian cocked an eyebrow at Ori, hand on her hip.

"It was kinda last minute. Sorry."

"It's all right, Honey. Is this friend who's a little more than a friend?" Vivian wiggled her eyebrows suggestively and Ori took an unused spatula and lightly hit her mother on the head.

"Is this the kind of stuff they teach in America? Or is it a special kind of chuckleheadedness you've got goin' on in there?" Ori rubbed Vivian's head a few more times until she pushed Ori out of the kitchen. She looped around to the other side where a rectangle had been cut in the wall so that Ori could see into the kitchen.

"Excuse me?" She asked cheekily. "I may have left some things there." Vivian pushed the package into Ori's face.

"I could've sworn I grabbed some other stuff." Vivian passed the milk and two glasses through.

"Thanks, Mom." She went to the dining table and poured the milk. When she was done, she placed the milk on the ledge. She would take care of it in a minute. She ripped open the package and gestured for L was come closer. She handed him a cookie.

"Just dunk it in the milk until your satisfied, then eat it." She walked around him to grab the milk and went to put it in the fridge. Vivian already had bowls out, and she humming to herself as she put the pasta toss into three separate bowls. Ori went to see L inspecting the cookie. She pulled out the chair next to him and sat down.

"That's still the first one, isn't it?"

"Yes. I'm skeptical as to how it can be all that good. Wouldn't the milk make the cookie soggy?" Ori sighed in annoyance. If this guy analyzed everything like this, it made sense that he was such a good detective, but this was excessive.

"I'm really sorry, man, but this is for your own good." And with that, she pinched his nose. He didn't react for a moment, and when he did, it was to speak. 

"I really don't see the ne-" She took the cookie from his hand and shoved it into his mouth. She let go of his nose and took a cookie for herself. She dunked it in the milk then popped it into her mouth. When she put the cookies back on top of the fridge, Vivian was coming out with dinner. Ori grabbed two bowls from Vivian and set one down in front of Vivian. Ori was glad that Vivian didn't say anything or even seemed bothered by L's strange way of sitting; it would have made things a little awkward. 

<> <> <>

Even with all of his intellect and memories, L couldn't remember the last time he had eaten an actual meal. And despite his taste buds so fine-tuned to sugar and caffeine, Vivian's pasta toss was exceptional. L looked next to him to see Ori devouring the meal. He wasn't even sure if she was tasting it. When she caught him staring, she flashed him a quick smile then went back to her meal. Vivian leaned across the table with a spatula and smacked Ori over her head.

"Slow down! I'm not taking you to the hospital if you choke." Ori swallowed and pushed the spatula away.

"You Americans are so mean! I bet you Dad's mom never would've done that!" L expected an uneasy air to settle over the three of them with the mention of Ori's father, but the metaphorical mist never engulfed them.

"That just means she wouldn't care if you choked!" They continued to go back and forth while L silently ate. It was startling how much Ori and her mother looked alike. The only difference was Ori's slightly narrowed eyes, but they were still wide by Japan's standards.

"You're from America, correct, Mrs. Nanase?" He asked. Ori looked at him, seeming to know that he already knew the answer.

"Yes, but I moved here three years after I met Ori's father." She looked off into space with a dreamy expression on her face.

"Good job, Ryuga. Now I gotta listen to this story for the umpteenth time."

"It was winter when we met. I was going back to my car with some groceries when I slipped on some ice and tossed everything everywhere. Then he came to help me. I'd never seen a more handsome man..." her voice drifted off while Ori pretended to gag. When Vivian saw, she took the spatula and wacked Ori over the head again.

"Oh, don't give me that look!" It was easy to see that Vivian wasn't actually mad, and Ori was too busy laughing to even swat the utensil away. When Ori finally managed to get a hold of herself. She wiped the tears from her eyes and sighed. 

"English was actually the first language I ever learned. My dad didn't want me to 'forget my roots' as he put it. I'm pretty sure he only said it because I look so much like Mom." Ori shoveled another bite into her mouth. As far as L could tell, Ori was polishing off her second bowl.

"The resemblance is startling." L said. 

"Except for Honey's beautiful eyes," Vivian said. A smirk danced across her features when Ori's face grew a bright red. 

"M-Mom! I really don't thi-"

"Honey? I wasn't aware that Ori had a nickname." That only seemed to make Ori's blush increase. It was amusing. Ori seemed so emotionally untouched by certain things that seeing her so flustered was almost like a present.

"Oh, so Ori didn't tell you? Well, I can't really say I'm surprised." Vivian's smirk grew into another smile, and L could've sworn there was a mischievous glint in her eyes. 

"When Ori was younger, she was always getting stung by bees. Luckily, she wasn't allergic, but it happened so often that we came to the conclusion that Ori must've been as sweet as honey."

"That stories too lame for a nickname," Ori muttered, but Vivian either didn't hear, or she ignored it.

"Even the day during the entrance exams, Ori woke up early and wrote me a letter and signed it with her nickname."

"I was tired and wasn't thinking straight!" Ori tried to reason, but Vivian clicked her tongue. Ori's blush was beginning to fade into a small pink tinge that eventually faded into her warm ivory skin tone.

"Honey, I don't think you've ever thought straight a day in your life."

"You have a point. My brain was blurry." 

"That's one I haven't heard in a while."

"Excuse me. I'm a little confused about something." L said. Ori locked eyes with him; the gold flecks seemed to glow and a slow smile stretched across her face. She knew what he meant. It seemed that Vivian understood as well.

Ori said with a smile. "I'm bisexual." L didn't say anything; it made sense.

"Does that have something to do with you teasing Light Yagami about being gay?" Before Ori could even open her mouth, a laugh came from Vivian. It was a comforting sound full of joy. It gave L the chance truly to see how similar Ori and her mother really were. Not just physically, but mentally and emotionally too. Ori was like a little mini-me. It wasn't necessarily a bad thing, Vivian had the aura of a strong-willed and enjoyable person. Her joy was almost infectious and L found himself fighting off a small smile.

"You're still going on about that?" Vivian asked her daughter once she had gotten her laughter under control. "I bet you that one of these days he's going to get a girlfriend just to prove you wrong." Vivian took the plates off the table, including L, who hadn't even realized that he had finished his portion. 

"Mom, I told you. If he gets a girlfriend for the sole purpose of proving me wrong, that will only spur on my thoughts of him being gay. " Awareness made Ori's face glow up with a Cheshire-like smile.

Vivian's laugh rang out from the kitchen, and when she came back, a sweet dessert was in her hands on a tray.

"I made a triple chocolate roll cake for dessert-"

"Yes please." L opened his mouth, but the words hadn't come from him. Ori was standing in front of her chair eyes wide and mouth open. Vivian gave her a motherly glare and Ori sunk back into her chair, looking like a sad puppy. 

"Honey, you are as slick and cunning as a fox, but your appetite and sweet tooth are that of a monster."

"I'm OK with that," Ori said. "But I'mma head to the bathroom first." She went to the stairs and jogged up the steps. Vivian stared after her with a suddenly wistful expression.

"Has she told you that she was selfish yet?" She asked suddenly. L wasn't ready for such a direct question, but he nodded. 

"Yes, though she doesn't seem bothered by it."

"It's because she's not. Selfish that is. She really is a sweet girl, with a big heart, and she's got the brains to go to any school she wants. But it's easy to convince yourself that you're selfish when you don't want to feel guilty for things, even when they're out of your control." Vivian cut a slice of the roll cake and placed it on a paper plate, passing it over to L. 

"You'd never guess it, but she has a lot of self-esteem problems."

"Why? She's intelligent enough."

"Not with her logic or intellect, not even with her size, but with her personality. She's ADD and tends to go on rants. It often makes it hard for her to make friends. The only times she doesn't stop herself is when she finds something she's exceptionally passionate about, that's the only time she can really focus."

'So that's how she was able to spend so many nights focus on looking for Kira without switching to something else? Because she wants to find him so bad?'

"It doesn't help that she stays up all night. She gets it from stress and all the studying she does." Vivian moves over to a table covered in picture frames. She picks one up and showed it to L. It was a younger Ori. Her face was flushed and her hair was practically standing on end with frizz. She was grinning widely, a front tooth missing. She looked purely, innocently, happy. There weren't any of the dark circles under her eyes that now adored her face. The freckles splashed across her face were dark, where now they almost blended in with her skin. 

"I don't know if it was because of the disappearance of her father, or if it was something else, I was never able to figure it out, but she's become more reserved. Her mood changes too swiftly for anyone to figure out what she's ever thinking, though she's usually so cheerful and full of laughs. Even in my profession of being a therapist, she's an anomaly to me." 

"You guys aren't sharing secrets, are you?" Ori came hopping down the steps. Her eyes locked onto the picture in L's hands and drew closer. She gazed at it for a second, drinking it in with her eyes.

"I remember that. This kid named Aito threw a baseball at me. I held up my glove, but the force of the ball hit my glove and smacked me right in the face. I ended up losing my front tooth." L put the picture down and propped himself up in front of his dessert. Ori plopped down next to him. Cutting herself a piece from the portion Vivian gave her. L never would've told Watari, but the flavors and textures of Vivian's food rivaled the skills of the old man. The chocolate was rich and moist, and the whipped cream coated his tongue pleasantly. They enjoyed the dessert until the sharp ring of L's phone broke through the comfortable silence. He fished it out of his pocket and held it to his ear.

"Yes?"

"Sir, I'm outside Ms. Nanase's residence. Next time you decide you walk from school, please let me know."

"Yes, thank you. I'll be right there." He ended the call and slipped it back into his pocket. "I apologize for the abruptness, but my ride's here." He put his feet on the ground and pushed himself into a standing position. Ori stood along with him, forgetting her cake.   
"I'll walk you out." She went over to her boots and shoved her feet inside without bothering to lace them up. He caught Vivian's eye, who smiled and mouthed."What did I tell you?" He assumed she was referring to her comment about Ori being kind and sweet.

"Thank you for dinner and dessert, Mrs. Nanase; it was delicious."

"I'm glad you liked it, dear. And please, call me Vivian."

"All right then. Have a good night, Vivian." L went to the door and pushed his feet into his shoes. Ori was already holding the door open for him. He walked through, thanking her quickly, and stepping into the brisk evening air. Watari was standing outside the door, arms neatly folded behind his back. 

"Hi, Watari!" Ori waved as she shut the door behind her. The old man chuckled and waved back before putting his hand back.

"Good evening, Maggie. I hope that Ryuga wasn't too much trouble."

"Not at all. He was surprisingly well behaved." They laughed as if sharing an inside joke. L bit back a retort about talking about him like he wasn't there or like he was a dog. He stepped into the car, holding his knees to his chest. The windows were rolled down, and Ori stood outside the window, bent down a little.

"See ya later, Ryuga. I hope my mom was good to you."

"She's a very kind woman. You're lucky." 

"Yeah, I remind myself of that every day." With one last wave, Ori turned and made her way back to the house. He could hear her grumbling about the snow sticking to her boots and kicking them off on the porch steps before opening the door and slipping back into her house. L rolled up the windows and slumped against the backrest.

"She's trying to convince herself and those around her that she's selfish, but when it comes down to actions, she's actually quite thoughtful." He muttered to himself. "Interesting."

"What was that, sir?" Watari asked from the driver's seat. L could almost hear the smile in the older man's voice.

"Nothing. Let's head back to the hotel; we have more work to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Words can be like X-rays if you use them properly -- they'll go through anything. You read and you're pierced."  
> -Aldous Huxley


	10. Dinner Again?

It was almost laughable, really, but Ori wasn't laughing. She wasn't laughing at all. What she was doing, was staring at L with an awed expression. She was watching his black eyes scan her face while she stared back at him, her locker door still open. 

"Are you serious?" She asked, her voice a hushed whisper.

"I'm always serious. What's your mother making for dinner?" L was standing over her with his bent back, and hands jammed into his pockets. When Ori finally closed her locker, she let a small chuckle escape past her lips. 

"She got her hooks into ya, huh? I'm not surprised."

"You haven't answered the question." He was like a robot, so laser-focused. Ori crossed her arms over her chest, she still had one class left, and L wasn't even letting her get to where she needed to go.

"She's making breakfast for dinner. Waffles, pancakes, eggs, bacon, sausage; the works. I'll text her that you're coming to dinner again as soon as my class is over."

"I appreciate it."

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. I'll see you later." She waved him off as she went off to her Language Arts class. With L distracting her, getting to class on time would be uncomfortably close. She glanced at one of the clocks adorning the walls. She only had two minutes left. She broke into a run, ignoring everything else around her. When she reached the classroom door, she had twenty seconds. She sucked in a breath to slow her breathing and walked through the door. She went up to her seat and tried not to fall asleep as the lesson started.

"Ori!" A hand waving in front of her face made her jump. She hadn't fallen asleep, just zoned out for a little while. She looked up to see Light peering down at her with a small smile. Ryuk was standing behind him, grinning and letting out quiet cackles. Nausea rolled in Ori's stomach. Ryuk was there? Why? She tried not to look at the huge beast directly, but she could see the knowing glint in his eyes. Oh god, did that mean...? Was Light actually...? 

"Hey, Raito. What's up?" The nickname felt gross on her tongue as she forced it out.

"Class has been over for a while. You feeling OK?"

"Yeah, I'm fine. Geez, Ryuga's gonna be all over me now." Ori muttered that last part.

"Why?" Light asked, and Ori bit back a curse. She couldn't tell him that L was coming to her house for dinner. He would get the wrong idea and it would only make things worse.

"He said that he had something to talk to me about after class. Sounded pretty urgent." The lie slipped off her tongue easier than his name had. Light nodded and backed up so she could get out of her seat. 

"Anyway, I wanted to know if you wanted to go to Spaceland with me tomorrow. My mom gave me some tickets and I'd feel weird going by myself." He let out a short chuckle that grated Ori's ears. She had to swallow heavily to keep herself from growling at him.

"Sorry, I can't. Mom needs my help cleaning the house tomorrow." Ori stepped onto the stairs and went down to the door.

"All right. Well, is there a day you wanna hang out? We could go to the café or something. I'll pay." Ori could hear the desperation in his tone. He was usually so calm and collected, this one a completely different side of him that Ori had never seen. Had he thought she would say yes to his first offer? 

"No, I'm OK. I need to catch up on some sleep." Her words were coming out short and clipped despite her urge to keep her tone airy. 

"OK. I understand, just don't push yourself too hard." Light said from behind her. 

"I said I was going to be sleeping. How would I push myself too hard in that aspect?" She turned down the hallway.

"She seems extra touchy today," Ryuk said. Ori hesitated for just a second. Was he trying to bring attention to the fact that Ori was avoiding him? Stupid Ryuk was going to get her killed. She realized that her halted movements were only telling Light that she had heard Ryuk, and kept walking.

"I'll see ya tomorrow, Raito. Bye."

"I'll walk with you." She turned to him. It was hard to describe the ugly feeling that rolled around in her stomach. She just wanted him to leave her alone.

"I already told you, I have to talk to Ryuga. Don't bother waiting; it might take a while. Bye." Her words came out rushed, almost stumbling over each other, but she didn't care anymore. She just had to get out of this conversation. 

"OK. Bye, Ori."

"See ya later, Raito." She ran off to her locker, completely unsurprised to see L waiting for her. She pulled her bag from her locker and slipped the strap over her head.

"Sorry to keep you waiting. I ran into Light."

"It's fine. Shall we go?" Out of the corner of her eye, Ori could see Light and Ryuk coming down the hallway.

"Just a second." She murmured. "Come over here." She pulled on his sleeve, bringing him away from the lockers. 

"Is there a problem?" He asked. Ori didn't answer and continued to watch Light walk past the gate and onto the sidewalk.

"Just wait a little bit." She held him still until she couldn't see Light anymore. Once he was out of sight, Ori let out a small breath and turned back to L.

"Sorry about that." She said before making her away around the corner. 

"It's quite all right, but if I may ask, what's the problem?"

"It's Light. He's been giving me some bad feelings lately." She wasn't sure if she just wanted to directly come out and say that Light was Kira. L being there was kind of a giveaway that he suspected someone at the school, and him zeroing in on Light and Ori made it obvious that he at least suspected Light, but if she agreed with him, what would happen next? L was like a locked book full of blank pages. She couldn't figure out what he was thinking. He was so confusing. She could tell that he was a pretty serious guy who had a soft spot for good food and sweets, but other than that, it was like he wasn't entirely human.

"Honey." L's voice and his hand waving in front of her face made her jump. She backed away from him, feeling her face heat up.

"I'm sorry if I overstepped my boundaries, but you weren't responding. I figured it would help."

"N-no, it's fine. I should've been paying attention. I was just lost in thought." 

"About what?" Ori went around him and he followed behind.

"Nothing in particular." Her boots tapped against the ground lightly against the cement. The snow was beginning to build, but with the heated cement, Ori didn't have to worry about cold toes. She did, however, have to worry about the cold breeze pulling the falling snowflakes into her face. She yanked the hood of her leather jacket over her head and groaned. 

"Whatever invented snow was an asshole." She muttered to herself. 

"I'm not sure I understand your vendetta against snow."

"It's cold, wet, and gives you frostbite; snow sucks." She jammed her hands into her pockets.

"Maybe if you wore a hat and gloves, snow wouldn't bother you so much." Ori looked away in annoyance. He was sounding like Vivian. Wearing gloves was like wearing socks without shoes: uncomfortable and sweaty. She didn't have a problem with hats, but why would she wear them when she had a perfectly good hood on all of her hoodies and her jacket. 

"Whatever." She grumbled at last. Then she pulled out her phone to send Vivian a quick text.

~You~ Hey, Mom. Ryuga's coming over for dinner again. He heard that you were making breakfast for dinner. XD

~Mom~ All right, Honey. Be safe, and make sure your jacket's zipped up. I'll see you guys soon. :)

~Mom~ I mean it with the jacket.

~You~ I know, Mom. Jacket's all zipped up. Promise. See you soon. Love you.

~Mom~ I love you too, Honey.

Ori slipped her phone back into her pocket and zipped up her jacket up to her chest. She wasn't super cold, but she didn't want to lie to Vivian about something so small, so she zipped it up anyway. She looked over at L, still dressed in his white shirt and faded jeans. His feet were jammed into his shoes, the heel folded over. Ori's bit her lip as to not yell at him about his shoes. She shifted her focus to other things. The pancakes and waffles she was going to eat. The bacon. Oh god, the bacon. Vivian had the best way of making bacon. She didn't fry it, she put it in the oven, leaving it so crispy that it fell apart the moment it touched your tongue. Ori could feel her mouth beginning to water. 

"Ryuga! It's so nice to see you again." Ori and L walked into the warm, inviting house. Ori let out a breath of relief once the door closed behind her. They hadn't been seen by Light the entirety of their path home. Vivian gave her a strange look but said nothing. She began fussing her L, telling him he needed a warmer jacket for the winter. Ori wondered how he hadn't been cold, the guy was a twig. Not a single ounce of fat on his bones. Though, Ori didn't have a whole lot of fat on her, either. The fat she did have was focused on her legs. With her small portions, it was astounding that she wasn't cold either. 

"I have dinner waiting on the table. It's still warm." Vivian was beaming at them, then turned back to the living room. Ori shucked off her jacket, hanging it up. Ori knew that her clothes didn't match her facial features. She had the face of someone's little sister. Someone who would gossip about boys with girlfriends and bake cookies for the cute guy in class. For the lack of a better word, Ori's face was misleading. Her clothes either consisted of sweatpants and hoodies that were always too big for her figure or ripped jeans and punk clothes. She often got teased for it in middle school and people always told her she would look better with skirts and blouses. That only made Ori more determined to not wear skirts and blouses. Call her your typical teen all you wanted, but Ori didn't like doing things just because people told her she would look better. 

Vivian looked at Ori's faded blue and jeans and ripped black shirt. She gave a soft smile and sat down at the table. Ori pulled off her boots along with her socks -which she stuffed into her boots- and went to the table. Her feet padding over the soft, cream-colored carpet. She passed through the living room before settling in the dining room. L was curled up in his seat, lifting pancakes onto his plate. He dowsed them with syrup then piled eggs and bacon on top of the pancakes, pouring syrup on them again. Ori watched this whole process through narrowed eyes, but then looked at her own eggs covered in ketchup and came to the conclusion that maybe she didn't have the right to judge L for how he arranged his plating. 

"Honey, how's Light? I haven't heard much of him lately." Vivian looked up at Ori briefly. A lump formed at the base of her throat.

"He's been pretty busy lately. Since he's our representative, he has to stay at school a lot. We haven't even seen that much of each other."Mostly because I've been avoiding him.

"You said that there was another representative, right? Do you know who?" Ori gestured lazily over to L, who was too busy cutting through layers of pancake to even look up. 

"He scored a one-hundred on the entrance exam, too, but he wasn't interested in being a representative, so he gave the position to Raito." Saying the nickname almost got caught in her throat. Ori chomped into her bacon uncomfortably. It dissolved on her tongue, sending warmth through her body. Good food was just the distraction she needed at the moment. She could worry about everything else later. She scarfed down the rest of her food before looking over at L.

"You told Watari you were having dinner here again, right?"

"Yes. I did."

"Who's Watari?" Vivian asked. 

"My caretaker." L answered. Vivian just nodded and smiled before picking up her plate and took it to the kitchen. Ori liked how when Vivian wasn't working, she didn't try to pry. She was really good about keeping her professional life separate from her home life unless Ori needed it. She understood that if she was going to be pushing someone for answers, it was because they asked and paid her to. 

Five minutes later, Ori was curled up on the couch, L sitting on the other side. With her stomach full and mind on the TV, Ori had never felt so content. 

"Honey, you should find a day where Light's not busy and invite him to dinner." Vivian poked her head out of the kitchen, right next to the TV on the other side of the living room. The first floor always reminded Ori of a triangle. The kitchen and dining room were pushed back against the house while the living room took up the rest of the space with the stair behind it. Now that Ori thought about it, it looked more like a penis. That little section of Ori's brain that was basically a twelve-year-old made her laugh quietly. Vivian cocked an eyebrow at her, either waiting for her to respond or questioning why she was laughing. 

"I will, Mom. Maybe I'll ask him tomorrow when he has a free day." She flicked on a convincing smile and Vivian ducked back into the kitchen. Ori huffed and spread her legs out in front of her, slouching.

"Are you ever going to tell her?" L was now curled up closer, almost touching Ori's shoulder.

"No. And even if I did, it would be after we caught Kira." She whispered back.

"But what about the news covering it? Light is our prime suspect, you can't keep this from her forever."

"I'm not planning on keeping this from her forever, but she'd probably ask me if I wanted to talk about it every day for the rest of my life." Ori closed her eyes briefly, her hands clasped over her stomach. 

"You seem oddly calm about all of this. If I hadn't said anything about Light being a suspect, would you honestly would've begun thinking it was him?"

"Yeah, he's been acting weird ever since the killings started. And he's been so worried about what I think of Kira. It's suspicious in itself."

"I'm impressed." 

"Thanks. That actually means a lot." He looked at her quizzically, but realization quickly dawned on his face.

"Ah, that's right. Watari told me about how I'm your hero." Ori's face flushed and quickly began trying to defend herself.

"N-no, that's not it. It's more like I look up to-" Before Ori could finish, Vivian excited the kitchen with a smirk. 

"Congratulations, Ryuga! You actually made Honey blush. What were you talking about?" She wiggled her eyebrows suggestively. Ori slowly dragged her eyes away from the TV to the woman standing next to, a Cheshire smell gracing her face.

"You Americans are disgusting." She said. Vivian rolled her eyes and sat down beside L.

"She was telling me about how much she admired L. She really enjoys talking about him." Ori glared at him, not missing the slight smirk pulling at his mouth.

"I never said that. I was trying to say that I respected the guy as a detective." L and Vivian gave her matching unbelieving looks. How had they managed to synchronize something like that?

"Honey, I love you more than life, but when L first appeared on TV for the Kira Case, you were practically drooling." How had Vivian managed to be a cringy dad and a loving mom at the same time? That was the one question Ori never found the answer to. That and math questions.

"I wasn't drooling! I just found the whole thing interesting." Vivian cocked an eyebrow once again before sitting back against the couch. L was still smirking at her, and she pushed his face back.

"Stop smiling at me like that! Isn't Watari here yet?"

"He'll be here in a half-hour. No worries." L said cooly while batting her hands away.

"What does 'no worries' even mean?" Ori grumbled rhetorically, sinking further into the couch. Nobody said anything else and they focused on watching the movie. Ori had basically no idea what it was about, but the actors seemed pretty decent. Her eyelids grew heavy and she propped herself up on the couch. She let her eyes close and leaned her head on her hand. She was vaguely aware of Vivian talking about American movies she thought L should watch.

<> <> <>

"What does 'no worries' even mean?" Ori slouched low into the couch. It was difficult getting used to her mood changes. One moment she seemed untouchable, the next moment she was flustered, then she was pouting like a child, and other times she was a pure genius. How could someone so unreadable read others so easily? It was confusing. Ori was the only person L couldn't figure out. 

Vivian's laugh pulled L from his thoughts. He looked over at her to see that she was looking at Ori. L turned his head to see her leaning against the couch, eyes closed. She was sleeping. 

"I wasn't aware she knew how to do that," L muttered. Vivian laughed again.

"She stays up late a lot, but she does sleep occasionally." Vivian stood up from the couch and walked around to Ori. She gently pulled the hair-tie from her hair. The brown curls spilled around her shoulders and settled at the dip of her waist. Vivian then took Ori's bangs and began to braid them. The braid ended at her nose and Vivian tied it, careful not to wake Ori up. L watched all of this in confusion. Was this something that happened often? And if so... why? As Vivian backed up, Ori brushed her nose and stretched out, still asleep. She reminded L of a cat. Vivian chuckled, pleased with herself. 

"This happens every time she falls asleep down here. You'd think she'd have learned by now."

"Maybe she secretly likes it." L said, which only made Vivian laughed harder.

"That may be true, but why don't you wait and see her reaction when she wakes up?" L couldn't help but wonder if this was the real reason Ori stayed up late. If he had a mother like Vivian, he'd be content, but he'd also maintain his schedule of going without sleep.  
Vivian was gently shaking Ori's shoulder, whose eyes squeezed shut before relaxing and then opening. Ori yawned once and rubbed her eyes groggily. She looked up at her mother in confusion, then her face went slack.

"Are you kidding me right now?" Ori asked in a slightly rasped voice, pulling the hair-tie off and running her fingers through the braid. "Do you just enjoy annoying me? I'm really beginning to think you do." The freed bangs gathered over her eyes and she ranked them away. "I'm seriously considering just cutting these off because of you." She grumbled, then looked at L. "When's Watari coming to pick you up?" She asked. 

"In just a few minutes." Ori nodded, then stood. She gathered her hair into a ponytail again. She rubbed her eyes once more, then grabbed her jacket and boots. She put her socks on and laced up her boots then pulled on her jacket. 

"You don't have to walk me out." Ori gave a soft laugh as she pulled on her jacket.

"What kind of host would I be if I let you walk out in the cold by yourself?" She tossed L's hoes over to him, and he shoved his toes inside. Vivian watched Ori was a small smile. "Besides, I don't want Mom on my case about being a good host."

"I heard that!" Came Vivian's voice from the kitchen. Ori just waved her off and closed the door behind them. Outside, L's breath puffed out smokey and white before disappearing. 

"How do you think Kira kills?" Ori asked. They were walking to the limo, Watari standing with the door open.

"I'm not sure, but we'll get it out of him when we catch him." L ducked into the car, settling into the heated leather. Ori looked down the road towards Light's house.

"Yeah, let's just hope he tells the truth."

"If he lies, then we'll send you in with him. If your comfortable, that is." Ori smiled at him, laughing a little.

"Sure, I'm up to be used at a human-lie-detector. As long as I can be useful." She waved and stepped away from the car. Watari shut the door and stepped in.   
It's odd that she's asking this question now, of all times. L thought, but quickly dismissed the thought.

<> <> <>

There were few things Ori wanted in life. Granted, they were big things, but there still wasn't a lot. She wanted to be a detective, find her father, find Kira, and make Vivian proud. She tried to not think about her father often; it often left her feeling bummed out and unmotivated, but when she did think about him, she could see the door open, sun framing his black silhouette, she thought of rough, yet gentle, hands ruffling her hair into a messy rat's nest. She pictured a kind face, mouth set into a crooked smile. Ori had definitely gotten her wild grins from Daisuke. 

Since her search for Kira began, she had pushed that want away and focused on finding this faceless murderer, which has been going nowhere, by the way. How could you find someone with no leads? No evidence. Nothing. The whole experience was exhausting.   
Something brushed up against Ori's hand, but she just pushed it away.

"You look pretty tired." Ori spun around in her chair. Eyes and mouth wide. Staring back at her, was a six-foot-tall being with spikey black hair, blue skin, and gothic style clothing.

Unfortunately, Ori had spun around so hastily, that she had knocked herself off balance and fell out of the chair. She clattered to the floor and scooted back frantically until she hit her head against her desk, sucking in a wince. 

"Honey? Is everything all right?" Vivian's voice echoed from the other side of the door. Ori scrambled to her feet. No! Everything was not all right! Ryuk had just manifested in her room.

But that's not what came out. Instead, she said,

"Yeah, Mom. I'm okay. I just fell asleep at my desk again." She forced out a laugh, hoping it wasn't too shaky. 

"All right, well, get some sleep; you have school tomorrow."

"I will, Mom. Promise." Footsteps trailed from the door. Ori's hands were shaking violently at her sides as she bent down to pick up her chair, eyes never leaving Ryuk

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Writing is a socially acceptable form of schizophrenia."  
> -E.L. Doctorow


	11. New and Horrible Plans

Ryuk munched on an apple loudly. "The Death Note can kill anyone who gets their name written in it, but the person who writes the person's name needs to have a clear image of the person in their head, so two people with the same name won't die."

"Okay, okay, okay... I think I understand." That was a lie. She didn't understand at all. There seemed to be so many rules just from his description of the Death Note's power. 

'No, Ori. You need to go about this rationally. Freaking out won't solve anything. A giant god of death is in your room, giving you the answers. How are you going to go about this?' She needed to think about this the same way Raito would. She needed to outsmart him before he got the chance to even think about doing anything to cover up his tracks.

"Okay, if anyone were to get too close to figuring him out, what would Light do?" She muttered into her fingers. He was the type to make an escape plan, something involving the Death Note. 

"Ryuk." The Shinigami lurched up from his spot on Ori's bed, wide eyes even wider. 

"Yes!"

"You said that whoever uses the Death Note needs to have a clear image of the person they kill in their mind, what are the other rules?"

"Take a look." He tossed the simple black notebook her way. She caught it between her hands and flipped through the glossary. She scanned over the rules. 

"Whoever's name shall be written in it shall die, the effect won't happen unless the user has a name and a face in mind- duh, duh, duh..." she read through the rest of the rules. "Here! If the Death Note is lost or stolen, the owner will lose ownership unless it's retrieved within 490 days. Are there any other rules like this?" Ryuk was silent for a moment, long and boney fingers resting on his chin.

"Yeah, if the owner of the Death Note gives up ownership, then all their memories of the Death Note will be erased, including all the things they did with it."

'Light would definitely do that if he felt like he was being backed up into a corner, then create a way he could get the Death Note back. I need to counteract that.'

"Does that person need to use the Death Note for this to happen, or could I forget everything if I wanted to?"

"Yeah, it's technically anyone who's touched the Death Note."

"All right, cool. So Ryuk, you were bored, right? That's why you dropped the Death Note?"

"Yep."

"I think I've found a way to make this more entertaining. For you, anyway." Ori saw his eyes light up. His lanky body leaned closer.

"How?" Ori cleared her throat. She wasn't entirely sure this was going to work. A lot of guesswork and trust in her own intellect was going into this plan. It could fall apart the moment she said it out loud, but she had to try.

"I want you to take my memories of the Death Note, and if Light ever gives up the Death Note, I want you to bring it directly to me, okay?" This couldn't flop. Ori needed this to work. If she messed this up, it could ruin everything; she'd never be able to forgive herself. But she also wouldn't know because she lost all of her memories of the Death Note. This was a double-edged sword for sure.

"All right. I can do that. Sounds like fun. When do you want me to take your memories? Now?"

"Yeah, the less time we waste the better." 

"Got it." Ryuk took the Death Note from Ori's hands and spread his pair of thin, long, black feathery wings. He flapped them once -miraculously, nothing was disturbed other than Ori's hair and clothes- and flew through the wall. 

Ori blinked rapidly. She looked around her room like it wasn't truly hers.

"Why am I just standing in the middle of the room?"

<> <> <>

"Where have you been?" Light sat up in his bed when Ryuk flew into his room. He rubbed his eyes sleepily, missing it when Ryuk placed the Death Note through the cupboard, and back into its spot. 

"Just flying around. Can't expect me to stay cooped up in here all the time, can you?" It wasn't a lie, but Ryuk also didn't really care about telling Light the truth all that much.

"Whatever, just try not to make so much noise, will you? I need to sleep."

'Man, you are probably one of the most boring Death Note owners I have ever come across.'

The sad part was, he wasn't even the meanest, which was a shame because Light was a major asshole. He was starting to root for L and Ori just because of how much he didn't like Light. What Light was doing was interesting, don't get him wrong, but he was an ass, that's all there was to it.

"Well, if I'm awake, I might as well go through with my plan. It's been a few days, and Ori doesn't seem any less suspicious of me." He pulled himself out of bed, walked silently to his drawer, and took the Death Note out from inside. 

"It's better I do this now than later. Get it out of the way so it doesn't become an inconvenience later."

'So it's an inconvenience, is it? Interesting.'

<> <> <>

Finally, under her covers, Ori let herself drift off to sleep. She let her mind ease, and let it take her wherever it wanted to go. She was almost fully asleep when her door opened and soft footsteps eased their way inside. Vivian was probably just making sure Ori was actually asleep and not just pretending, thought it wasn't something Ori had ever done before. 

Vivian smoothed out the hair over Ori's pillow. Even when the crazy locks just sprung up again, she smoothed them down, starting from Ori's scalp and traveling all the way down to the ends. It felt nice.

"I love you, Orien." Vivian didn't call Ori by her full name often, hell, she didn't call her anything other than 'Honey' often, but when she did, it made her heart swell. Ori was about to open her mouth to say, "I love you too, Mom", but then Vivian said. 

"I'm so sorry." Her voice sounded wet and thick with unshed tears, but Ori couldn't focus on that. She was more focused on the words themselves. Why was she apologizing for? Had she done something? Had Ori done something? She didn't think she did. Ori rolled over onto her back to ask Vivian what the hell she was talking about, but in the silhouette of the door, Ori could see Vivian's hand holding up a sharp knife, glinting in the hallway light. 

Ori rolled out of the way as Vivian struck down. The sound of sheets and fabric tearing as the blade tore through Ori's bedding echoed in her mind. As it would for months to come. 

She got to the floor of the other side of the bed, panic and confusion gripped her heart painfully tight.

"Mom?! What's going on?! What are you doing?!" Ori shouted. Tears were running down Vivian's face.

"I'm so sorry, Honey." But that's all she said. 

"What's that supposed to mean?! Mom, this is crazy, put the knife down!" She fought to keep her voice steady, but it cracked and wavered with each word she forced out. Vivian jumped across the bed and Ori ran towards the open door. What the hell was going on? Was this Kira? But how? L said they needed a name and a face to kill? Did this mean that Raito really was Kira? No. She couldn't think about that now. Ori just needed to focus on getting out. 

Searing pain from Ori's left shoulder to her right hip made her scream out in pain. She screamed again at the unwelcome pressure. She tried to frantically scooch away from the approaching figure of her mother -the kindest woman she had ever met- but her hand dropped off the ledge of the carpeted staircase, and she went tumbling down the stairs. The fabric skidded across her skin, creating small, but painful, patches of burns in her wake. She stopped when her head slammed against the wall at the bottom. Her head exploded with pain and she saw stars. She couldn't move. The pain and fear were too much to handle. She could barely think straight. How could this happen? Just a little bit ago they were laughing and eating, and now this?

"I love you," Vivian muttered. In Ori's haze, she hadn't seen Vivian come closer until she spoke. They were almost nose to nose and Ori jerked away at the sudden intrusion, hissing in pain. 

"I love you," Vivian said again. "I love you. I love you. I'm doing this all for you." Ori could just barely make to her face in the darkness. They were both crying.

"Mom," Ori's throat felt sore. "Mom, please stop this." She managed to blubber out. Blood loss and agony made her vision dim. Was she really going to die here? In the living room of her childhood home? The very place she had grown up in? 

New lights and sounds filled the air as the front door was bashed in. The loud sound made Ori's head pound. She could hear the heavy footsteps of the policemen. 

Vivian looked at them, and then back at Ori. She placed a horrifyingly warm kiss on Ori's forehead, then moved down to her ear to whisper in it.

"I love you." Was what she said, before taking the kitchen knife in her hands, and plunging it into her own throat. As her bloodied body slumped over Ori's. Blood smeared down her front and made her clothes slick and sticky. She let out another scream. This one of horror and loss.

<> <> <>

'At midnight, Vivian Cobb will come into her daughter's room and attempt to murder her. She will fatally wound her, but her daughter will survive. Neighbors will hear the commotion and call the police. The police will arrive at the scene and Vivian Cobb will take her own life instead of her daughter's. Her daughter will survive.'

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We write to taste life twice, in the moment and in retrospect."  
> -Anais Nin


	12. Don't Think About It

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "History will be kind to me, for I intend to write it."   
> -Winston S. Churchill

"She's losing too much blood!"

"Well, it's hard to tell whose blood belongs to who!"

"Her heart's dropping!!" The shrieking voices penetrated into Ori's ears harshly. They were so loud. Ori's back hurt, but she didn't know why. She didn't know where she was or what was going on. Where was Vivian? Ori couldn't hear her. Why was she hearing stranger's voices when Vivian was nowhere to be found? Ori tried opening her eyes; they were too heavy. Her thoughts were moving too fast. She couldn't stay focused on anything. Her mind drifted away. The voices and flashing lights left her and Ori was left in darkness.

<> <> <>

L had been running through security tapes of the Yagami household, more specifically, Light's room, when Watari told him the news. 

"Sir, Ori Nanase has been fatally wounded by her mother. She's in emergency surgery as we speak; however, her mother... her mother is dead. She stabbed herself in the throat the moment the police arrived." He was trying to sound professional, but L could hear the sympathy and sadness leaking into his voice. 

Instantly, L's mind was filled with questions and hypotheses. 

'Was it Kira? And if so, would this mean that Light really was responsible?' The possibility was low. Light was too smart to ever to after someone he knew personally. And what about Kira killing criminals? Unless Ori's mother had a criminal background, but thinking back to the time he spent talking to her, he seriously doubted it.

"Is she all right?" He asked at last.

"We don't know. From what I can gather, she's almost slipped a few times, but at the moment her vitals seem to be stable."

"When will she be out of surgery? We'll need her to explain what happened as soon as possible."

"She should be out in the next hour or so."

"All right. Thank you, Watari."

"You're welcome, sir." Then he left the dimly lit room. 

"This doesn't make any sense. It's clear that Ori thought very highly of her mother, and she was a pleasant woman to be around. What happened? What changed? We've come to the conclusion that Kira can control his victims leading up to their death, but what about needing a name and a face?" L sat perched in his chair for hours, thinking when Watari opened the door again. 

"Sir, Ori's awake." L gave a small nod of acknowledgment. 

"Thank you, Watari, please get the car ready."

When Watari opened the door for L, the first thing his brain processed was Ori lying on her stomach in the hospital bed, blanket drawn up to her waist. He did his best to push down the unpleasant feelings swelling up in his stomach when she looked at him. Her face was almost paler than his own, and she looked exhausted. How had all of this happened in just a few hours? Not even a full day.

Her sea-green eyes were dull and bloodshot. Still, she did her best to smile. 

"Hey, candy-man. How's it goin'?" Her voice was raspy like she'd been screaming for hours. L wondered if she had.

First, Ori had been goofy and care-free, then, she had been serious, then flustered. Now... now, she was completely and utterly broken.   
He ignored her question and sat down in the chair next to her bed. 

"Ms. Nanase, I know it's soon, but I need to tell me everything that you remember happening." Her arms were tucked underneath her head, supporting her chin. She turned her face away from him, her face went dark and her voice was now deprived of all forced joy.

"I can't." Her tone was unbearably soft and wrecked. Like she could fall apart into tears at any moment. Or just fall apart all over again. Still, L pushed.

"Ms. Nanase, I need you to-"

"One week, Ryuga." She interrupted. "They're letting me out in one week; that's all I can pay for without delving too deep into M- her money. Once I'm out, we'll talk, but right now..." she trailed off before speaking again. 

"I can't even close my eyes without seeing her. She's gone and that's all I can focus on." She turned her gaze back to L. "I know Kira's behind this. I don't know how it happened, but they did, and as soon as I can, I'll help you full time. I'll tell you anything you need to know. I won't stop until we find Kira and put them to death." Her voice was like shattered glass. Broken, but still sharp around the edges, ready to cut you if you didn't handle it with care. L was disappointed, but...

"I understand, Ms. Nanase. I'll see you again once you're discharged. I'll have Watari pick you up." She didn't say anything as they left, but her words still unnerved him.

They're letting me out in a week; that's all I can pay for. Not once has Ori mentioned her father; Vivian had said that he disappeared, but L assumed she thought he was just dead. This meant that Ori was an orphan now. With no job, she was going to have to pay off her hospital bills with whatever money her mother left her.

'This isn't ideal, but if Ori's going to be at full strength for the investigation, I need to do this. Otherwise, she'll just become a liability and slow us down.'

"Watari," L said to the old man walking next to him. "Have money transferred into the Nanase bank account I set up. I want Ori to make a full recovery.

<> <> <>

L called Light early in the morning about Ori. He felt bad that he had to use her like that, but at least this meant his plan had worked and he could now start working on getting her completely on his side. It was only a matter of time before Ori told L there was no possible way that Light could be Kira. 

After school, Light made his way to the hospital. When he opened the door, he saw Ori lying in her bed, stomach down, with a book tucked under her arms. She looked up at him when he opened the door and tucked her book away, smiling weakly. 

"Hey, Raito. Long time no see." Behind Light, Ryuk laughed.

"She has no idea it was you." He chortled. At that moment, Light wished he could punch the stupid Shinigami. 

"Forget me," he said instead. "How are you holding up? Ryuga told me what happened... to Vivian..." He really did feel bad; Vivian was a wonderful and kind woman, but this was all for the greater good. It was a necessary sacrifice. 

"He did, did he?" She asked, biting her lip. "I-... I just don't understand how this could've happened. Everything was fine when we ate dinner. Great, even. It all happened so fast." She sniffled wetly and Light kneeled down next to her. Placing a hand on her arm, he felt the dry skin under his fingers. 

"Hey, if you need anything, I'll be here okay? I'm just a phone call away."

"Yeah," she nodded, "but you should get going. I'm sure Ryuzaki'll want you covering for me while I'm gone."

"Ryuzaki?"

"That's the name L's going by for the investigation." Light nodded to show his understanding. Stretching to his full height, he headed towards the door. 

"Hey, are you going to be okay?" He asked. He wondered how much longer she'd have to stay here; he needed her on his side as soon as possible. 

"Yeah, I'll be fine. Just go." She put on another smile, but Light could see just how completely defeated and wrecked she looked. Her cheeks were sunken in, and the circles under her dull and bloodshot eyes were ones that rivaled L's. 

"All right, get some rest."

"I will. Go catch Kira." She called out as Light closed the door behind him. 

"Do you think she'll ever figure out it was you who killed her mother?" Ryuk asked as they walked down the hallway. Light responded but made sure that his voice was quiet enough for no one else to hear.

"That's a definite possibility I've thought about, but I'm not too worried."

"Oh? And why is that?"

"Ori gets too eager too fast. She'll take an idea and run with it, even if it gets her nowhere. She makes mistakes, then has to start over again from the beginning. "

<> <> <>

"Ms. Nanase, it's time for bed." The kind nurse popped her head in the crack of the door and went to the lamp Ori couldn't reach. Ori didn't say anything, she just flipped her book closed. The tray of food on her bed remained untouched. 

"Ms. Nanase, you need to eat." The nurse reprimanded in a gentle tone. Ori didn't remember her name, nor did she care. Her mind's been on Vivian ever since she woke up in her hospital bed. She tried to ignore her the best she could, but the thoughts were persistent. 

"Ori, can you hear me?" The nurse lowered herself to meet Ori's eye level. Ori turned her neck to face her but said nothing. There was nothing to say here in this hospital. Nothing to do except wait for her moment of freedom.


	13. Kira Did This

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> "We lie best when we lie to ourselves."  
> -Stephen King

The days leading up to Ori's release were ones of stress and impatience; L needed her back on the team as soon as possible. He had tried to go see her the day before she left the hospital, but he could only see her gaunt face staring back at him lifelessly, so he never left the hotel. Watari had gone to get her. The old man said a quick and quiet good-bye before closing the door gently behind him. 

_'I need her back on the team, but I'm not entirely sure how useful she's going to be.'_ He'd seen her conviction when she told him she wouldn't stop until Kira was found, but she would be useless if she were to burn herself out.

_'I can always make her stop if she gets too out of hand.'_

"Will I, though?" He thought out loud. "I can't physically _force_ her to do anything she doesn't want to do." Whatever, it didn't matter. L could cross that bridge when he came to it. He'd just have to hope that Ori wouldn't become to come of a handicap.

_'I'm going to be pissed if this backfires on me.'_

<> <> <>

Walking used to come as easily as breathing. It was something Ori had taken for granted; she understood that when she tried to push herself up from her hospital bed and almost kissed the wall when she tried to support her weight on her legs. It took two nurses to keep her upright and get her into the wheelchair at the door. She wanted to just collapse into the chair, but with her back, that wasn't exactly possible, so the nurses eased her into the chair and wheeled her out of the building. 

The sun was beginning to set, casting warm oranges and pinks over the sidewalk and turning the metal of buildings the color of gemstones. Ori got the brunt of it. The sun shone directly in her eyes. She winced and covered her face from the blinding light. From her shielded eyes, Ori could see that familiar black limo with the kind old man standing in front. 

"Ms. Nanase, I'm glad you're finally ready to join us once more," Watari said. Ori couldn't find it in herself to say anything back, or even acknowledge that she heard him, so she opted for silence. He didn't complain, only offered his hand for her to take. She took it silently, and the two nurses helped her get to her feet. She staggered into the back seat of the limo and eased herself against the back of the seat as carefully as she could. Everything hurt. Her back hurt, her legs hurt, her head hurt. Her heart hurt the most.

As Watari closed the door, the echo reverberated in Ori's brain. They were probably going to L's hotel room, but that begged the question.   
What happens after the Kira Case ends? Ori had no parents, no family, no house, and no money to support herself. She had absolutely nothing. 

"I wouldn't worry so much, Ori. L has everything worked out." Watari said, faith and conviction so clear in his tone, Ori would've thought him a fanboy instead of a butler.

 _'Of course, he does. The guy probably has every second of his life planned until he dies.'_ L was still Ori's biggest sense of inspiration, but since meeting him, she realized that she'd been putting him on this untouchable pedestal. She'd seen him as this guy without any flaws, not some weirdo with bad bed head and a sweet tooth. It was funny really. To think that the world's greatest detective would be nothing more than a shut-in with an advanced IQ.

 _'That's not fair,'_ she chided herself. _'It's not like you're any better.'_

The ride was quiet, which was fine by Ori; she had nothing to talk about anyway. When they pulled up to the hotel, Ori wasn't stuffed into a wheelchair. She was handed a cane, curtousy of Watari, and an arm to hold on to. Again, thanks to Watari.  
Ori held onto him like a lifeline. Her hand dug into his arm and the cane as her unsteady legs walked up the steps. Could seven days of walking not walking really be this damaging? And if so, why didn't the hospital have her on any kind of physical therapy? Were they just _that_ prepared to not deal with her as much as possible? Probably.

Inside the hotel room, Matsui, Aizawa, L, and Raito were surrounding a series of computer screens, but they all stopped to look at her when Watari closed the door. Four pairs of eyes all locked on her, wide and curious.

"Maggie!" Matsui jumped up from his seat to greet her. Maggie was the name she had decided to go by, a small call back to her namesake: _Draco Orientalis Magnus._ She wanted to stay as close to her real name as possible.

"Hey, Matsu," her voice was scratchy with the lack of use. "How's it goin', buddy?"

"It's great! Light was just telling us about his new girlfriend!" Oh? A new girlfriend? Ori tilted her head to look at Raito, who was rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment. 

"Does this mean I can't tease you about being gay anymore?" She asked dryly. Raito laughed and put on a cocky smile.

"Exactly, no more jokes about me being gay." Ori fought off the urge to shrug, and stepped closer with her cane. It seemed like a big step to be going from a wheelchair to a cane, but she was getting better at using her legs again, so it didn't really matter.

"I could always make jokes about you getting a girlfriend just to prove me wrong. That's pretty gay." He let out a sharp groan, and Matsui laughed. Aizawa just rolled his eyes and turned back to the screen. L, however, did no such thing. He continued to look at Ori, looking like he wanted to say something, and she knew _exactly_ what it was. 

"Yeah, we can talk." She said. She just wanted this to be over with to she could get back to the case. She had a lot of work to do.

<> <> <>

"And then she -you know- stabbed herself... in the throat. She fell over on me; there was blood _everywhere_. I remember feeling like I was going to vomit before passing out." Ori spun her cane back and forth, sitting rigidly straight in her chair. Sitting any other way must've been painful. Despite the way she was sitting, she looked like she wanted to curl into a ball. L couldn't blame her. She told the story in excruciating detail, from her mother's words of asking for forgiveness, to how sick she felt when her dead mother's body fell over her. 

_'Maybe bringing her back so soon wasn't a good idea.'_ That small, human part of L thought. He quickly squashed it. He needed every edge he could get, personal matters couldn't be the most important thing here. It was all about finding Kira.

"I'm sorry you had to go through something like that." She didn't say anything for a long moment, just wound her hands together tightly until they crack. L inwardly winced at the harsh sound. 

"We have a building nearing the end of its construction; it should be done by the end of the week." L tried, but again, Ori was silent. He didn't know what else to say; this was too far out of his comfort zone. He found criminals all the time, but he's never had to comfort the victims before. 

"She wouldn't have done something like this." She whispered hoarsely. "I know that Kira had a hand in this. She was-" she swallowed heavily, "she was a happy person. She always had a smile on her face. Even when I fucked up, she was always willing to hear my side of the story. This _wasn't_ her." Her voice was thick, but she cleared her throat and lifted her head to face him. Her eyes were brighter than L had ever seen them, but that must've been from the water growing in her eyes. Her jaw was set as she pushed herself up from the chair, gripping her cane tightly. 

"Come on," she ordered. "We got shit to go over."

<> <> <>

Light watched as Ori and L came out of L's unused bedroom. Ori's mouth was set into a firm line as she carefully seated herself and began looking over reports and criminal records. He felt a smile pull at his mouth. 

_'The die is cast.'_


	14. Go To Sleep

Two weeks into the new headquarters and L was already up to his neck in new hypotheses and ideas. Infuriatingly enough, it was all thanks to Ori. She'd been working none stop, passing him notes and records. She played the video of Raye Penber dying on the subway on repeat a few times before ordering Matsuda to turn on the sound.

"It's safe to assume that Raye had seen Kira's face by the way he reached for the doors before his death, maybe he said their name." So they turned on the sound. The speakers were filled with the sound of people walking and talking and subways rushing by. Ori, the ever-creative worker that she was, turned off some of the speakers, and a considerable amount of noise died away. She rewound the tape and pressed play. As usual, Raye clutched his chest and fell to the ground. As he reached out towards the doors, the heard feed in the speakers. It was grainy and broken, but L could just make it out. 

"Lie- me..." Out of the corner of L's eyes, he saw Ori writing in a journal in front of her. Behind her, Matsuda was watching with disdainful eyes. He was chewing on his lip, like he wanted to say something but was holding himself back. His hands were curled into tight fists at his knees and he was visibly shaking. 

As if he couldn't take something anymore, he slammed his hands on the table, shaking the cups on top, and marched over to L and Ori. He snatched a cupcake from the tray next to L, grabbed Ori by the nose, and smashed the cupcake into her face. L wasn't even sure if any of the cupcake got in her mouth, it just smeared all over her face.

Matsuda was breathing hard; as if the effort of walking five feet and shoving sugar into someone's face was draining. 

"This is insane!" He shouted. "When was the last time you've slept, or ate, or even changed your bandages?!" Ori stared up at him with wide eyes, then lowered her head. Her hand was up to keep the cupcake from falling. She moved to set it on the desk and wiped the excess frosting from her face. 

She stood up shakily, and L was sure that she was going to fall over. 

L just wanted to finish the Kira Case. All this stopping and starting was a real hindrance. 

"Matsui, are you a religious man?" Ori asked in a calm voice. Matsuda swallowed heavily.

"Y-yeah." He stuttered out. Ori nodded, hands over the back of the chair. 

"Then you better pray to God that I don't skin you alive when I get back." She let go of the chair and limped over to Watari. They exchanged a few words, and Ori vanished. L turned his gaze to Matsuda, who was sweating, but his jaw was firm. 

"I don't care if she's angry." He said. "She needs this."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Suffer you will, one way or another"  
> ― Nilesh Rathod


	15. Falling Apart

It was deathly quiet from where L stood, just on the other side of the door leading to Ori's bedroom. His hand slowly reached out to grasp the knob; it opened with a silent swing. Inside, the room was dark and completely trashed. The only light coming inside was provided from the city lights outside. Clothes spilled all over the floor, forming an explosive trail from open suitcases tipped over on the floor, the bedside table tipped over. Even the bed mattress was flipped over on its side, resting on the dinner table near the kitchen, forming a tent. Tucked in the small space in between the table and mattress, was a small, shaking figure. Quiet sniffles filled the room. L trudged into the mess carefully. This was another new side of Ori he had never seen. The explosive one who could only unleash her anger and frustration through actions. It was something he would only see once throughout their time together on the Kira Case. 

"I told myself I wouldn't let my feelings get the best of me; I promised you the same thing." Her voice cracked and wavered. He could hear the effort to hide the sobs fading away. They were becoming more and more prominent and easy to hear. He could hear the heartbreak in every single whimper. Her back was to him, now hunched. He was sure that it was painful, stretching out the stitches like that; she may even pop a few if she wasn't careful. 

"You're going to hurt yourself like that." He murmured, ignoring the fact that she could hear him despite his efforts was staying quiet. 

"I don't care!" She sobbed. "I need to feel it. It's the only thing keeping me from going insane. I know I'm alive. I need it." Her voice shrank into a whisper. L walked around the fort she made so he could see her face. Her arms were wrapped securely around her knees, her head tucked into her body. She was protecting herself, he realized with a start.

"I don't think Vivian wou-"

"Don't you _dare_ throw that in my face!" She whipped her head up, blue-green and gold orbs glowing in the light only provided from outside. She jabbed a finger at his chest, crawling forward to reach him. "You _don't_ _get_ to tell me what she would've wanted! You didn't know her! Not-" she choked. "Not like I did." Her voice wavered and fell. "Y-you d-d-didn't... you didn't know her." She moved her hands up to her face, hiding her tears and wiping her eyes roughly. L didn't know what to do.

This wasn't something he was familiar with. This was where Watari shined, not him. Slowly, cautiously, he reached his hand out to her, as if trying to refrain from scaring her. In a sudden blur, she jumped at him, wrapping her arms around his midsection. L fell back with an _oof_ but said nothing else. She shook against him, sobbing loudly. With tentative hands, he brought his hands around her back. Wherever his hands rested, he just felt thin skin and jutting bones. She was so skinny. How had he not noticed just how frail she had gotten before. 

"I'm sorry." She said once she was able to get a hold of herself. She wasn't crying anymore, but she inhaled and exhaled in shuddering breaths. Her voice was raw and thick. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry. I'm sorry." She apologized but never moved. L was beginning to think she wasn't apologizing to him. She said it like a prayer, a mantra, something to live by. He tried rubbing her back gently, something Watari had done when he was a child, but when his fingers skimmed over the stiff stitches, and Ori's breath hitched painfully, he ceased the movements. When she finally pulled away, her face-especially her eyes-were puffy and red.

"Sorry about jumping on you like that. That was uncalled for." She stood up and started tugging on the mattress, her face set into a stony and tense expression. She managed to flip the mattress back onto the bed and began pulling the blankets and comforter back into place. 

"You don't have to apologize, and it wasn't uncalled for. I'm surprised it didn't happen sooner. I guess Matsui had something to do with it." She was silent for a moment, lifting the nightstand with a grunt. When it was upright, she rested her hands on the polished surface, a sad smile adorned her face.

"He sounded just like her. It didn't happen often, but when she got really worried about me taking care of myself, she would say the most aggressively passive things I've ever heard in my life." Her chuckle was dry and lacked any humor or amusement. Then her smile fell and twisted into a frown.

"I hadn't heard it since I started researching the Kira Case. Maybe she knew it wasn't what I needed, I don't know, but she stopped." She covered her eyes with her hand. "I never thought I would miss her ridiculousness. Her goofy one-liners, her non-child friendly jokes, even the way she would tease me about small things. I never thought-" she choked on her words a second time, this time she took in a slow breath to recollect herself. She looked at him with deep, ocean eyes. Mysterious depths of grief shined brightly at him. They watered and rippled like waves. 

"I never thought it would hurt this much." L had never been at a loss for words like this. He was a detective, not a therapist. He swallowed thickly and opened his mouth, searching for the right words. Anything to help her feel better. 

"I can't say that I've ever experienced the pain of losing someone you loved, but I can say that Vivian was a wonderful woman. And she was lucky to have someone like you in her life." The words felt odd in his mouth, and he thought she would ask him about his past, but she didn't. She never overstepped boundaries. She toed the line again and again, but she always knew where it was and how far was too far.

She shot him a grateful smile, then sat on the bed. L walked around to curl up next to her.

"I haven't been taking care of myself like I should've been." She murmured. "I haven't been changing my bandages like I should've been."

"I wasn't going to say anything, but you have been smelling pretty bad." She shoved him to one side with a hoarse laugh and he fell against the soft blanket. She rose from the bed and picked up her clothes. When they were a large pile, reaching over her head, she dropped them on the couch, purposefully letting sweatshirts cover L's face. He pushed the clothes away to see her piling some into her own hands.

"Whatever, I'm going to take a bath, and I'm going to need your help swapping out the bandages after. You have a strong stomach, right?"

"It's fairly strong. What am I supposed to do until you get back?" 

"I don't know. Pry into my personal life or something. Discover my likes and dislikes for whatever reason." She flicked on the light to the bathroom and closed the door behind her.

<> <> <>

Ori lowered herself into the hot water with a pained hiss; her back ached something awful. Well, it was her own fault for not taking care of herself. 

_Stupid Mastui, making me feel bad 'n shit._ She drew her knees up to her chest and wrapped her arms around them. He really did sound like Vivian. He sounded so much like her that it hurt. It made Ori feel guilty in a way that she hated. She wasn't used to feeling guilt like that, and when it hit her, it hit like a truck, sucking the air from her lungs and making her heart pound crazily. It was one of the worst feelings she had ever felt before, just under...

Ori released her knees and sunk under the water. She stayed submerged until her lungs demanded oxygen. She pulled herself up again but kept her eyes closed. She could almost hear Vivian scolding her. 

_"Honey. I told you I wouldn't let you continue looking for Kira if you weren't going to be taking care of yourself."_ She could see the disappointed set of her mouth, her eyebrows pushed together in frustration. Her face twisted in displeasure, but her kind eyes remained the same as they'd always been. Kind and loving. 

_I know, Mom._ She thought. _I'm sorry. I just... I couldn't focus on anything else. Nothing feels real without you here.  
_

 _"You'll be all right, Honey. You have people looking out for you. Not just me."_ It was corny to say the least, something definitely Vivian-like.

"I miss you," Ori whispered raggedly, a small tear sliding down her chin and into the water, lost in the greater expanse. 

_"I love you, Honey. I love you. I love you. I love you."_ Despite the heat coming off the water, Ori felt warmth seep into her bones. Like something was wrapping around her tightly. Ori wanted to say that she loved her too. She wanted to say it so bad, but what came out was:

"I'm sorry." She sunk lower into the water until her mouth was submerged. She felt so tired. Her eyelids were heavy and she could feel her bones going limp now that she was actually letting herself relax. 

_"You can't fall asleep in a tub, Honey. You'll catch a cold."_ Vivian's scolding voice came to mind once more. It helped Ori opened her eyes, and when she did, bottles of shampoo and conditioner were staring back at her. 

_I guess this is a sign for me to actually clean myself._ She thought and reached over to grab the bottles. She lathered and scrubbed at her hair until she was satisfied, then she dunked her head underwater again. 

As Ori wrapped the fluffy white towel around her body, she caught a glance of herself in the mirror. She looked like something out of a horror movie. Sunken cheeks, hollow eyes, and skin and bones stared back at her. Her tangled hair sticking to her skin didn't do anything to help the image. On her right shoulder, Ori could see where her cut started. It was angry, red, and disgusting. Puss and dried blood stuck around the inflamed skin. The longer she stared at it, the stronger the nausea in her stomach became. She tore her eyes away from the skeletal image and rifled around the bathroom for peroxide and gauze. She dressed in a big t-shirt and sweatpants, trying not to cry while she eased her shirt over her head. She tried to keep herself upright as exhaustion rippled over her body, but she almost collapsed when she opened the door. She had to grip the doorframe to stay on her feet.

L was sitting on her bed like he hadn't moved, but the pile of clothes on her bed was now several piles of neatly folded clothes. Ori spotted a bare spot and face planted into the mountain of blanket. She felt the bed shift as L got up and eased the peroxide and gauze out of her hands. 

"Is it all right if I lift your shirt up for this?" He asked. Ori lifted herself tiredly so she could glare at him.

"I know that my back is fucking disgusting, but I'm the one who told you to help me." She yanked her shirt up, making sure that her chest was still covered, and fell back against the comforter. 

<> <> <>

To say that Ori's back was unsightly... would be an understatement of large proportions. Even if L hadn't been with her for the last few days, he would've known instantly that she hadn't been taking care of the wound. The skin was puffy and red, puss and blood crusting the black pine-like needles. L swallowed back disgust long enough to grab tissues and pour the peroxide over it. Again, this was something Watari did, not him. He didn't know if he should press down or just dab carefully. 

"Would you hurry up?" Ori demanded. "You're giving me anxiety." 

"Relax. I'm going." He tossed the tissue aside and gently poured the peroxide over her back. The tissue wouldn't have helped any. A sharp hiss came from Ori and her fingers dug into the comforter. 

"I'm surprised it's not infected with how much you've been neglecting it." He murmured, continuing the trail of peroxide down her back. He could see the tears forming in her eyes. 

"It probably wouldn't hurt as much if you'd taken care of it." He said. 

"Would you shut the _fuck_ up! I'm not in the mood."

"Watch your language."

"Sshut up." She buried her face in the bed. "I don wanna hearit from sumone who onle eats sugar." Voice now muffled and slurred with sleep and shoving her face into the bedding, Ori raised her hand lazily to flip him off.

"I can't tell if you're acting like this because of what's been happening, or because you're tired."  
"Why na bofe?" She asked. L rolled his eyes and placed the gauze over the stitches. 

"Are you ever going to tell me what you're thinking?"

"Knife in my back and a knife in her throat."

 _So she doesn't have much of a mental filter when she's tired._ He thought in morbid. amusement.

"You didn't grab any tape." He told her. 

"Then gwab sum." She murmured. Her voice was becoming quieter and softer. L rolled his eyes and went to the bathroom. She hadn't even turned the light off. He fumbled around until he found the medical tape, smooth, small, and round in his pale fingers. When he went back to Ori, she was sleeping, soft snores escaped her. 

The bandage work was clumsy, but it covered the stitches and held together. 

_I should've called Watari down here._ He pulled her shirt over the bandages and left the room.

"We'll see you when you wake up, Honey." The door closed behind him.

<> <> <>

"She hasn't really talked to you at all. Are you sure your plan worked?" Ryuk's rough voice grated Light's ears. He refrained from snarling and clenched his fists.

"Yes, it _will_ work. She just needs some more time."

"L's been hanging out in her room with her. Seems like he was comforting her. Even helped her with her bandages." The Shinigami snickered and munched down on an apple. Light's room was on the floor above Ori's, and he had told Ryuk to see what was going on. After Matsui's blow-up on Ori, Light wanted to make sure that everything was going according to plan. It was hard to say yet, but the fact that L was putting himself in was irritating. As was Ryuk's constant teasing. Light was patient, he was able to wait for as long as needed, but he'd like for things to hurry up before L figured out that he was Kira. He _had_ to get L's name as soon as possible. He wouldn't stop until Kira was the god of the New World. 

<> <> <>

_"I'm doing this for you... Please, forgive me... I love you... I'm doing this because I love you..."_

Ori woke up with a gasping start. She was laying on her stomach, alone in a bright room. She squinted at the assault on her eyes and buried her face down in the blankets. She felt groggy, but also refreshed... and hungry. Her stomach growled loudly at the thought of eating. She staggered to the bathroom and flicked on the light. She was still deathly skinny, but her eyes didn't look so lifeless, and the dark circles eased up a bit, now back to how they were before. 

_I wouldn't look this much better after only a night of sleep. How long was I out?_ She staggered down the stairs to see everybody else awake. Light was the first to see her, his face breaking out into a big smile. He was seriously acting weird and Ori was starting to get a little freaked out. Matsui noticed next, looking terrified. 

"Maggie, I'm sorry about the cupcake! I was just really worried about you and I didn't know what else to do!"

"It's fine, Matsu. I deserved it." She sat down next to him, and, immediately, Watari slid a plate of french toast in front of her.

"You've been asleep for a few days, so I figure you must be hungry. If this isn't enough, there's more food in the kitchen." Ori threw him a grateful look and started digging into the food, not even thinking about his earlier comment about how long she'd been asleep. The moment she took her first bite, she realized just how hungry she was. Her stomach growled in demand for more when she paused to feel the doughy bread on her tongue. 

"Hey, Maggie. How are you feeling?" Raito came up behind her. Of course, he had to ask her a question while she was eating. She looked up at him with flat eyebrows. Giving him a look that said, "I'm eating; go away," she flipped him off and turned back to her food. Raito scoffed and sat down on her other side. 

"I know that you're going through a lot, but that doesn't mean you have to be a-" Ori stopped him with the raise of her hand. She swallowed and gave him a hard look. Pushing the now empty plate away from her, Ori spun around in her chair to look at him dead on.

"What do you know about what I'm going through. Both of your parents are still alive, and so is your sister. Don't tell me that you 'understand my pain'," she said in a mockingly high pitch voice, "when _my_ mother is _dead_ and _your_ family's still alive and kicking." She rose from her seat roughly, knocking her chair into Matsui's. She muttered a quick sorry to the young man and walked into the kitchen with her plate. Aizawa was in the kitchen with a cup of coffee. He was frowning at her.

"He was just trying to help, you know?"

"I know, but I don't need help right now; I need more food." She found a stack of pancakes and waffles next to Aizawa and proceeded to pile them on her plate. Aizawa side and put his coffee down.

"At least you're not shutting down again." At that, she looked up at him with cocked eyebrows.

"What do you mean?" He looked at her with unusually soft eyes and ruffled her hair. She flinched at the sudden contact.

"I'm not surprised that you didn't notice. Then again, we didn't say anything, but... kid, we were really worried about you. I'm pretty pissed at myself for not saying anything sooner, but I didn't want to push you too hard or something like that." He removed his hand and set it on the counter. "I have a daughter of my own, and I don't even want to _think_ about what might happen if she were to lose her mother. I'm sorry I wasn't there to help you." 

Ori looked up at him with wide eyes. "N-no, It's okay. I should've been more aware of my own surroundings. I take pride in being able to understand people pretty easily, but I never even thought about what you all were thinking. I was too wrapped up in my own little world."

"Don't worry about it so much, kid. Just let us help you when you need it. We're a team, after all." He gave her one last pat on the head before walking out. Ori was left staring at the stacks of fluffy breading in front of her. Everyone had been so worried, but they never said anything because they thought it would only make things worse. 

_I guess Matsui got fed up with waiting._ She thought. _I really am the worse. I was only focusing on my own goals. I was only doing it for my own selfish reason._ It was a wonder that they were still with her. She was using money and resources to her own advantage.

 _What are selfish people but ones who use the weakness of others to get ahead in life?_ She didn't know who said it, she had just read it somewhere, but it stuck with her like a strong glue. It clung to her bones and never let her breathe without reminding her of its existence. Suddenly, her breakfast didn't look so appetizing, but she was hungry, so she dowsed them in syrup and left the kitchen.

Everyone was, and still is, worried about her. She had to get better so she could help everyone else in the long-run. It wasn't just her anymore. She was apart of a team and she had to be able to rely on them.   
She could feel L's eyes on her as she walked into the large room, but everyone else was focused on their work. Ori cleared her throat for everyone's attention. Eyes were suddenly on her. Ori had never felt so uncomfortable in her life. Aizawa was looking at her with a soft, parental smile that made her stomach churn. She set her plate down and wrung her hands together. Her knuckles popped and cracked faintly, but she ignored it. 

"I'm sorry, but, I just realized that you all have been worried about me. I was selfish and didn't consider reaching out for help until Mastui broke me out of the fog in my head." She shot him a grateful smile, which he returned brightly. She looked away from him to address everyone else. 

"I need to get better. I'm not in a mentally stable area right now, so, for the time being..." she sucked in a breath and closed her eyes. When she opened them again, they were still watching her.

"I'll be quitting the taskforce."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere."  
> -Martin Luther King Jr.


	16. Bound Ties

"YOU'RE WHAT?!?" Light and Matsuda jumped to their feet. Ori was looking uncomfortable, rubbing her arm and looking at the floor. 

"You can't just quit!" Matsuda cried.

"Why not? I just said I needed to take time for myself. I need to get better so that I can properly help. And, if Ryuzaki and Watari say it's OK, I'll still be staying here." She looked over at L, who just nodded. 

"I don't have a problem with it, but I must ask that you stay here. For privacy reasons."

"Yeah, I mean... it's not like I have anywhere else to go." Ori said with a shrug. She sat down and dug into her second breakfast. She was still skeletal, but she was beginning to put on weight. Her face wasn't so pale, and her eyes weren't so hollow. Other than being obscenely skinny, she was looking a lot healthier.

L ate a lot. More specifically, he ate a lot of sweets. But the amount of food Ori inhaled in just the following hour and a half was... disturbing, to say the least. After her large plate of pancakes and waffles, Ori practically vacuumed up an omelet, scrambled eggs and bacon, sausage, more waffles, breakfast sandwiches consisting of Sunnyside up eggs, more bacon, burger patties, and tomatoes. She had at least three, maybe five. And lastly, she had a few more plates of french toast. Needless to say, a lot of eggs were involved. And the fact that Ori insisted on dousing her eggs in ketchup made L's stomach churn painfully. She seemed content though. L figured that saying she looked happy would be pushing it a little bit. 

After several breakfasts, she leaned back in her chair, patting her stomach. 

"A few more days of this, and I should be back to my normal weight in no time."

"I never want to see that again." Light grimaced. Matsuda had isolated himself a couple minutes ago, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, muttering about 'seeing Satan' or something. Dramatic. 

"You guys are just mad that I'm getting an all-you-can-eat and y'all are missing out." She waved them off. She's been strangely serious since Matsuda yelled at her. It might have been for the sake of familiarity, but it was relieving to see her acting like she did before Vivian died. Maybe all she needed was some rest and good food.

"All right, can we get back to the case now?" L asked. "I'd like to cut down the deaths now." Without another word, Ori pushed herself up from her chair and leaves the room. Watari is quick to swoop in and grab her forgotten plates. 

"It's kinda hard when we don't know what we're looking for," Matsuda whined. "And we just lost Maggie. This sucks." He slumped back in his chair, kicking his feet out and spinning around a little. 

"It won't be much different from before. Yes, she was helpful, but we can still find the things we need to find without her. 

"We're getting nowhere with this. I'm going to go check on Ori." Light rose from his chair and left the room. 

"All right, tell her I said hi!" Matsuda waved.

"You just saw her," Light said with a chuckle. "But OK." And he vanished through the doorway. L leaned his way a little, then looked over at Watari.

"Watari, please turn on the cameras in Ori's room."

<> <> <>

Light knocked on the door to Ori's room. Ryuk stood hunched over behind him, that disgusting smile still twisting his ugly features up even more. 

"Maggie? Can I come in?" There was silence on the other side of the door. 

_Just open the damn door._ He thought in annoyance. When there was still no answer, Light knocked again.

"Maggie?"

"Hold yer _fuckin'_ horses, Raito! I'm busy." Ori screamed back. Light felt himself smile when he heard her slip into English. It was someone Ori did when she became particularly agitated or excited. 

"What are you doing? Are you all right?"

"I'm trying to- _shit!_ -I'm changing my bandages! Go away!" She sounded agitated like she was talking through gritted teeth.

"Do you need help?"

"NO! Now leave me alone. Shit, that smarts." She muttered the last part quietly, but Light could still hear.

"Looks like your plan isn't working all that well," Ryuk whispered in Light's ear. Like he was trying to stay quiet in case anyone else would hear. Light wanted to scream at the damn Shinigami to shut up and be patient, but he was right. If anything, this whole ordeal had only brought Ori and _L_ closer together. What was he doing wrong? He was playing the role of the best friends perfectly, so what was he missing.

"Why the fuck are you still standing out here?" Light blinked himself out of his own head and saw Ori looking up at him with a scowl. It was so weird seeing her act like this. Light was so used to her being all jokes; now that she was cursing like a sailor and shouting at him in annoyance, well... it was taking some getting used to. She seemed fine while she was eating, but that was probably because food was involved. 

"I was worried about you." Light said. "I know you've been in a rough spot lately, and I haven't been a whole lot of help. I want to change that." Her hard expression softened and she leaned against the door with the crossing of her arms. Good; this was progress. 

"I appreciate it, Raito, but I'm going to get some _professional_ help. I've been doing some research and I think I've found someone good."

"Really? That's good. I'm glad you're doing good." 

_Shit._

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm doing good, but I'm getting there."

"Even better. Can I come in?" He needed to get her back on his side. No matter what it took.

"Are you sure? Aren't you busy with the investigation?"

"It's fine. We weren't getting anywhere anyway." She narrowed her eyes at him, the gold flecks flashing in the hallway lights. 

"You've been acting really weird lately. Are you OK?"

"Weird? What do you mean?" He asked with a strained chuckle. _Just let me in already!_

"You've been acting awfully chipper. It's starting to freak me out." Light's smile fell. Really? Was this why she wasn't hanging out with him? He guessed it made sense when he thought about it. Ori was always open to change, but if she had to choose, she'd go for whatever was familiar. But most people would do the same.

"I'm scaring you because I was being cheerful?" He cocked his head to the side. 

"It just kinda threw me off; shut up." She punched his arm none too gently, but she was wearing a small smile.

"I always thought you were quite fluid with people." He nudged her side. Her smile fell and she rubbed the back of her neck. 

"So much has happened. Seeing another thing change was a little much. I know you were just trying to help, but I'd rather you just stay you. It helps a lot more." Her voice dropped low like she was embarrassed.

"I'll remember that." Light said with another smile. Good. This was going well. "What are you doing now?" He peered past her into her room, but she kicked his shin lightly.

"What are you doing? You should know better than to look in a girl's room without her permission, you pervert."

"I'm not a pervert." He deadpanned. "I just want to know what you're doing." She cocked her brow at him, a sly smirk pulling at her mouth.

"All right," she shrugged. "I was just gonna watch some anime for a little bit. I need something to fill the time."

"And by a 'little bit', you mean for at least the next ten hours?" He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked down at her, which only got him another kick to the shin.

"Hey! I haven't watched _any_ since this whole mess with Kira started. I'm going crazy."

"Withdrawals," Ryuk said solemnly, nodding sadly. Light resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he let a chuckle escape him.

"Then you better fix that. You won't be much help if you lose your mind." She let out a laugh and slouched against the door a little more. She was finally fully at ease with him. Excellent.

"I'm going to go back downstairs and make sure that Ryuzaki hasn't killed Matsui yet." Ori nodded and backed up into her room. It was fairly clean, but it wasn't like she hadn't been doing much in it anyway. If Light leaned in a little bit, he could see that Ori had her own kitchen and everything. Which was unfair. 

"You're being a pervert again." She said. 

"I'm not a pervert." He said. This time louder in annoyance and aggravation.

"Just go save Matsui. I like him; it would be sad if he died." With a quick smile, Ori shut the door. Light could hear her soft footsteps fading away on the carpeted floor. 

_She is infuriating when she wants to be_.

<> <> <>

Over the next two weeks, Ori had gained weight fairly steadily. She even looked like she weighed a little more than before, but L didn't say anything about it. L was surprised every time he came into her room at the progress she was making. He knew she started seeing a therapist; he even sat in on a couple when Ori was 'feeling gracious enough'. He watched the slow smile stretch across her face when she talked and listened to Dr. Hikaru Fujika, who Ori called 'Doc'. She met with him twice a week, and each time they talked, Ori's eyes got a little bit brighter. It was reassuring, and L felt his heart skip every time he saw it. It confused him; this had never happened to him before, so he went to Watari. 

"I'm surprised that you've come to me with something like this. I never thought something like this would happen." His smile was kind, yet something about it unnerved L.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Watari let out a hearty chuckle. The twinkle in his eyes made him look like a proper old man.

"Everything you've described, L, the heart racing, the heat in your face, and everything else, those are all signs of you being in love."

"Mmm, that's not possible."

"Why's that? Despite what others might say, you _are_ human, L. And I know you've been watching Ori's progress closely. You're relieved that she's doing better. Not to mention, you don't even call her by her real name anymore." L froze at the accusation, sucking in a sharp breath. That was true. Ever since she moved into the hotel, he'd call her by the nickname Vivian gave her. He didn't think much of it. Other than trying to make her feel better, he called her 'Honey' subconsciously. He knew it was a term of endearment, and he saw her face grew red every time he called out to her, but it didn't truly register until now. Watari's innocent smile was gone and replaced with something more knowing. It made L's skin crawl uncomfortably. 

"What are you going to do now, L?" The old man asked carefully. L's tongue felt thick in his mouth as he choked out the only words he'd never thought he'd say. 

"I don't know."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The sweltering summer of the Negro's legitimate discontent will not pass until there is an invigorating autumn of freedom and equality."  
>  -Martin Luther King Jr.


	17. Bound Ties

"YOU'RE WHAT?!?" Light and Matsuda jumped to their feet. Ori was looking uncomfortable, rubbing her arm and looking at the floor. 

"You can't just quit!" Matsuda cried.

"Why not? I just said I needed to take time for myself. I need to get better so that I can properly help. And, if Ryuzaki and Watari say it's OK, I'll still be staying here." She looked over at L, who just nodded. 

"I don't have a problem with it, but I must ask that you stay here. For privacy reasons."

"Yeah, I mean... it's not like I have anywhere else to go." Ori said with a shrug. She sat down and dug into her second breakfast. She was still skeletal, but she was beginning to put on weight. Her face wasn't so pale, and her eyes weren't so hollow. Other than being obscenely skinny, she was looking a lot healthier.

L ate a lot. More specifically, he ate a lot of sweets. But the amount of food Ori inhaled in just the following hour and a half was... disturbing, to say the least. After her large plate of pancakes and waffles, Ori practically vacuumed up an omelet, scrambled eggs and bacon, sausage, more waffles, breakfast sandwiches consisting of Sunnyside up eggs, more bacon, burger patties, and tomatoes. She had at least three, maybe five. And lastly, she had a few more plates of french toast. Needless to say, a lot of eggs were involved. And the fact that Ori insisted on dousing her eggs in ketchup made L's stomach churn painfully. She seemed content though. L figured that saying she looked happy would be pushing it a little bit. 

After several breakfasts, she leaned back in her chair, patting her stomach. 

"A few more days of this, and I should be back to my normal weight in no time."

"I never want to see that again." Light grimaced. Matsuda had isolated himself a couple minutes ago, hugging his knees and rocking back and forth, muttering about 'seeing Satan' or something. Dramatic. 

"You guys are just mad that I'm getting an all-you-can-eat and y'all are missing out." She waved them off. She's been strangely serious since Matsuda yelled at her. It might have been for the sake of familiarity, but it was relieving to see her acting like she did before Vivian died. Maybe all she needed was some rest and good food.

"All right, can we get back to the case now?" L asked. "I'd like to cut down the deaths now." Without another word, Ori pushed herself up from her chair and leaves the room. Watari is quick to swoop in and grab her forgotten plates. 

"It's kinda hard when we don't know what we're looking for," Matsuda whined. "And we just lost Maggie. This sucks." He slumped back in his chair, kicking his feet out and spinning around a little. 

"It won't be much different from before. Yes, she was helpful, but we can still find the things we need to find without her. 

"We're getting nowhere with this. I'm going to go check on Ori." Light rose from his chair and left the room. 

"All right, tell her I said hi!" Matsuda waved.

"You just saw her," Light said with a chuckle. "But OK." And he vanished through the doorway. L leaned his way a little, then looked over at Watari.

"Watari, please turn on the cameras in Ori's room."

<> <> <>

Light knocked on the door to Ori's room. Ryuk stood hunched over behind him, that disgusting smile still twisting his ugly features up even more. 

"Maggie? Can I come in?" There was silence on the other side of the door. 

_Just open the damn door._ He thought in annoyance. When there was still no answer, Light knocked again.

"Maggie?"

"Hold yer _fuckin'_ horses, Raito! I'm busy." Ori screamed back. Light felt himself smile when he heard her slip into English. It was someone Ori did when she became particularly agitated or excited. 

"What are you doing? Are you all right?"

"I'm trying to- _shit!_ -I'm changing my bandages! Go away!" She sounded agitated like she was talking through gritted teeth.

"Do you need help?"

"NO! Now leave me alone. Shit, that smarts." She muttered the last part quietly, but Light could still hear.

"Looks like your plan isn't working all that well," Ryuk whispered in Light's ear. Like he was trying to stay quiet in case anyone else would hear. Light wanted to scream at the damn Shinigami to shut up and be patient, but he was right. If anything, this whole ordeal had only brought Ori and _L_ closer together. What was he doing wrong? He was playing the role of the best friends perfectly, so what was he missing.

"Why the fuck are you still standing out here?" Light blinked himself out of his own head and saw Ori looking up at him with a scowl. It was so weird seeing her act like this. Light was so used to her being all jokes; now that she was cursing like a sailor and shouting at him in annoyance, well... it was taking some getting used to. She seemed fine while she was eating, but that was probably because food was involved. 

"I was worried about you." Light said. "I know you've been in a rough spot lately, and I haven't been a whole lot of help. I want to change that." Her hard expression softened and she leaned against the door with the crossing of her arms. Good; this was progress. 

"I appreciate it, Raito, but I'm going to get some _professional_ help. I've been doing some research and I think I've found someone good."

"Really? That's good. I'm glad you're doing good." 

_Shit._

"Well, I wouldn't say I'm doing good, but I'm getting there."

"Even better. Can I come in?" He needed to get her back on his side. No matter what it took.

"Are you sure? Aren't you busy with the investigation?"

"It's fine. We weren't getting anywhere anyway." She narrowed her eyes at him, the gold flecks flashing in the hallway lights. 

"You've been acting really weird lately. Are you OK?"

"Weird? What do you mean?" He asked with a strained chuckle. _Just let me in already!_

"You've been acting awfully chipper. It's starting to freak me out." Light's smile fell. Really? Was this why she wasn't hanging out with him? He guessed it made sense when he thought about it. Ori was always open to change, but if she had to choose, she'd go for whatever was familiar. But most people would do the same.

"I'm scaring you because I was being cheerful?" He cocked his head to the side. 

"It just kinda threw me off; shut up." She punched his arm none too gently, but she was wearing a small smile.

"I always thought you were quite fluid with people." He nudged her side. Her smile fell and she rubbed the back of her neck. 

"So much has happened. Seeing another thing change was a little much. I know you were just trying to help, but I'd rather you just stay you. It helps a lot more." Her voice dropped low like she was embarrassed.

"I'll remember that." Light said with another smile. Good. This was going well. "What are you doing now?" He peered past her into her room, but she kicked his shin lightly.

"What are you doing? You should know better than to look in a girl's room without her permission, you pervert."

"I'm not a pervert." He deadpanned. "I just want to know what you're doing." She cocked her brow at him, a sly smirk pulling at her mouth.

"All right," she shrugged. "I was just gonna watch some anime for a little bit. I need something to fill the time."

"And by a 'little bit', you mean for at least the next ten hours?" He crossed his arms over his chest and smirked down at her, which only got him another kick to the shin.

"Hey! I haven't watched _any_ since this whole mess with Kira started. I'm going crazy."

"Withdrawals," Ryuk said solemnly, nodding sadly. Light resisted the urge to roll his eyes. Instead, he let a chuckle escape him.

"Then you better fix that. You won't be much help if you lose your mind." She let out a laugh and slouched against the door a little more. She was finally fully at ease with him. Excellent.

"I'm going to go back downstairs and make sure that Ryuzaki hasn't killed Matsui yet." Ori nodded and backed up into her room. It was fairly clean, but it wasn't like she hadn't been doing much in it anyway. If Light leaned in a little bit, he could see that Ori had her own kitchen and everything. Which was unfair. 

"You're being a pervert again." She said. 

"I'm not a pervert." He said. This time louder in annoyance and aggravation.

"Just go save Matsui. I like him; it would be sad if he died." With a quick smile, Ori shut the door. Light could hear her soft footsteps fading away on the carpeted floor. 

_She is infuriating when she wants to be_.

<> <> <>

Over the next two weeks, Ori had gained weight fairly steadily. She even looked like she weighed a little more than before, but L didn't say anything about it. L was surprised every time he came into her room at the progress she was making. He knew she started seeing a therapist; he even sat in on a couple when Ori was 'feeling gracious enough'. He watched the slow smile stretch across her face when she talked and listened to Dr. Hikaru Fujika, who Ori called 'Doc'. She met with him twice a week, and each time they talked, Ori's eyes got a little bit brighter. It was reassuring, and L felt his heart skip every time he saw it. It confused him; this had never happened to him before, so he went to Watari. 

"I'm surprised that you've come to me with something like this. I never thought something like this would happen." His smile was kind, yet something about it unnerved L.

"What is that suppose to mean?" Watari let out a hearty chuckle. The twinkle in his eyes made him look like a proper old man.

"Everything you've described, L, the heart racing, the heat in your face, and everything else, those are all signs of you being in love."

"Mmm, that's not possible."

"Why's that? Despite what others might say, you _are_ human, L. And I know you've been watching Ori's progress closely. You're relieved that she's doing better. Not to mention, you don't even call her by her real name anymore." L froze at the accusation, sucking in a sharp breath. That was true. Ever since she moved into the hotel, he'd call her by the nickname Vivian gave her. He didn't think much of it. Other than trying to make her feel better, he called her 'Honey' subconsciously. He knew it was a term of endearment, and he saw her face grew red every time he called out to her, but it didn't truly register until now. Watari's innocent smile was gone and replaced with something more knowing. It made L's skin crawl uncomfortably. 

"What are you going to do now, L?" The old man asked carefully. L's tongue felt thick in his mouth as he choked out the only words he'd never thought he'd say. 

"I don't know."


	18. Five Big Words

"I don't know." The words were foreign on his tongue. Watari's smile fell into a sad frown.

"Well, you could take a chance and tell Ori how you feel and hope that she reciprocates your feelings, or you could keep it all to yourself until the secret eats you alive. The choice is yours, but you've always been honest to a fault. And besides, this involves Ori too. She shouldn't be left in the dark, but the choice remains yours." Watari bowed once then glided from the room. L gnawed at his lip. Watari had a point, he knew that, but he couldn't let himself become distracted with something as trivial as feelings, especially the romantic kind. 

_I can think about this more after Kira's found. For now, I have to stay focused._

Despite his thoughts, L found himself making his way to Ori's floor.

<> <> <>

"I told you! It's not like that!" Ori shrieked with a hot face. Doc's raised eyebrow showed how just how little he believed her. He sighed and ruffled his graying hair. Ori talked to him through a computer, but that didn't stop Ori from feeling flustered. 

"Orien, it's all right to have feelings for someone, even after experiencing a tragedy."

"I don't- not for- _dammit!_ I already said it's not like that!"

"If it's not, then why are you getting so worked up? Do you wish it was?"

"I'm getting worked up because you've been bringing it up for the last three sessions; I'm losing patience!" Doc just nodded slowly and proceeded to write something down on the notebook in his lap.

"What are you even writing down?!"

"I'm merely writing down what needs to be written." He said with a smug smile.

"What kind of cryptic fuckery is that?!"

"Language, Orien." He said in a warning tone. 

"Which one? Because I'm pretty whether we talk in English or Japanese doesn't change how crazy you sound right now." Before Doc could say anymore, there was a soft knock on her door.

"Honey, it's L. Could I come in?" Ori's face erupted into heat, and Doc began to snicker.

"Ooh~, it's L? How interesting." She shot him a withering stare, glad she was using her earbuds. 

"You shut up." She said with a growl. 

"Is now a bad time? I can come back if you're busy." L called out. 

"N-no, it's all right. I'll be right there." 

"Tell me how it goes, Orien!" Doc smiled, which only irritated Ori further. 

"Would you _fuck off_?!" Without letting him scold her again, Ori slammed the laptop closed. She dragged herself off the bed and slouched her way to the door. Trying not to yank it off the hinges in annoyance and rage, Ori pulled the door open and slowly as she could.

"Are you OK?" L cocked his head to the side; it made him look like a cat."

"Yeah, I'm good. Doc's just pushing my buttons." 

"Isn't that his job?"

"Yes, and he's doing it too well." She threw another glare in the direction of her laptop like everything was its fault. She looked back at L and moved out of the doorway. 

"Did you want to come in?"

"Yes, thank you. There's something you need to know." He stepped passed her and stood awkwardly in the middle of her too big room. She closed the door and leaned against it, crossing her arms over her chest. 

"Look, if this is about Kira-"

"It's not!" He said hastily, then regained his loose composure. "It's not about the case. It's something I've only realized recently. Well, Watari was the one who brought it to my attention, and it's about you. I didn't want to leave you in the dark, but, at the same time, I don't know how to say this." He continued to ramble about being "completely unsure but knowing he had no choice". He looked flustered and fidgety and if Ori wasn't so worried and freaked out and confused, she would've found the whole this hilarious. 

"L, what's going on? Are you OK?"

"Yea. No. I don't know. I don't know what I'm saying." 

"Well... why don't you sit down and think about it for however long you need to. I was going to go down for lunch after my meeting with Doc. I can go if you need to be alone." 

"No! I need you here." He gazed at her with pleading eyes. He had curled himself into his usual ball on the bed, his fingers swimming against his shins.

"Dude, you're starting to freak me out. What's wrong?"

"Nothing's wrong. Everything's perfect and I'm scared I'm going to ruin it." His quivering fingers stilled and wrapped themselves around his knees. Ori watched all of this with wide eyes. He looked vulnerable. He looked human. She walked closer until she cod reached out and touch him, and when she did, he flinched but didn't move more than that. "It's all right to be scared. You may be the greatest detective in the world, but you're a living being first. You're allowed to have feelings. I'm glad that you trusted me enough to tell me." Her words were bitter on her tongue. She was such a hypocrite. Talking about trust when the only person Ori ever trusted was now dead, but L didn't say anything for a while or even look at her. When he did finally speak. His voice was softer than she had ever heard before. He trembled under her slim fingers and his face was ablaze. At first, Ori thought he was sick, but then his mouth moved and he spoke. It sounded like it was something he had rehearsed in his mind a thousand times, but never dared say aloud until now. 

Ori's hand tensed on L's shoulder and her heart stuttered in her chest. She knew her eyes and mouth were wide in surprise, but she couldn't close either. L hesitantly looked up at her. Face pink, his dark eyes searched her face. What was he looking for? What did he want from her? What was he expecting? What should she say? She didn't know how to handle a situation like this. 

_C'mon! Say something! He's waiting for you to say something!_ Her brain screamed at her, but the signals to move her mouth were malfunctioning.

"I-I... umm. Ha-I-" she couldn't breathe, her mind was spinning and her vision felt hazy. 

"See? I ruined it. I'm sorry; I'll leave you alone." Ori snapped out of her foggy haze. He pushed her hand off his shoulder gently with cool, soft, fingers. Ori tried not to jump at the sudden contact. 

L made his way to the door before stopping. 

"I don't expect you to say it back, but, whenever you're comfortable, please come talk to me. I don't want this to interfere with the case when you come back." And just like that, he was gone. Once she was alone, Ori noticed the violent tremors shaking her legs. When she couldn't hold urself upright any longer, she collapsed against the bed. Her face felt hotter than any fever she had ever experienced. 

Her eyes remained trained on the door like she was expecting him to come back. Or was she hoping? Ori didn't know what she wanted from this, but his words made her heart pound. 

_"I'm in love with you."_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "These men ask for the same thing, fairness, and fairness only. This, so far as in my power, they, and all others, shall have."  
> -Abraham Lincoln


	19. A Sudden Realization

L knew that things were going to be awkward. That Ori would avoid him because she was embarrassed or uncomfortable. That he wouldn't be able to discuss anything until she was ready. But he couldn't shake the feeling that he had done something wrong. The feeling of screwing up a good thing weighed heavily on his mind, but there was something else too. Maybe it was how he had done it, but his confession felt wrong. Almost... too soon. He wanted to discuss it with Ori, but she wasn't going to want to talk to him anytime soon.

 _Dammit._ He thought, hunched over on his chair, typing absentmindedly at his computer. _I knew I should've kept my mouth shut until after we found Kira._ He put his hands on his knees and stared at the screen.

**_How do you know if you're in love with someone?_ **   
**_1\. You're happy and just a little bit nervous._ **

Nervous? Why would L be nervous around Ori?

**_When you're in love, you're genuinely a happier person. It's like you're on a natural high and the thought of spending time with your partner excites you._ **

L wouldn't say he felt excited when he was with Ori. He felt more content, though. She relaxed him when she talked like an actual detective.

**_2\. Everything feels new and exciting._ **   
**_When you're in love, you're excited to do things you've done a million times before, just with your partner this time._ **

Having someone almost as smart as him working on a case with him was refreshing, but he wouldn't call it exciting.

**_3\. Your relationship feels easy._ **

L felt like he got along with Ori fairly quickly. It helped that she was so easy to get sling with, despite her ever-changing moods. Though, maybe his recent confession had complicated things just a little bit.

**_Being with your partner isn't hard work. You don't have to struggle to find time to spend with your partner because you literally want to._ **

L liked spending time with Ori, but it felt like it was because everyone else was either a suspect, or too boring, or... Matsuda.

**_4\. This person is on your mind literally all the time._ **   
**_When you're in love, your partner is always on the back of your mind. You might have a sudden thought to call them because you haven't talked in a few hours._ **

No, she wasn't on his mind all the time. He had to be as focused on the Kira Case as much as possible. When he did think about Ori, it felt more like concern. He wanted to make sure she was at the top of her game when she was looking for Kira.

**_5\. You get just a little jealous._ **   
**_Jealousy is natural, but becomes dangerous when you start obsessing over what your partner's doing._ **

L had read enough. And for the first time in his life, he felt like an utter fool. He had thought he was in love with Ori simply because Watari had said it, and L trusted him. 

He dropped his head into his hands and massaged his forehead. He couldn't wait until she already to talk. This had to be set aside as soon as possible. 

"Watari, please come in here." His voice felt far away and quiet in his ears, but Watari walked in nonetheless. 

"Yes, L? What is it?" The old man grew quiet when he saw the bright computer screen. "I was wondering when you would do it."

"So it was all a lie?" L looked up to see Watari placing a cheesecake in front of him. 

"I knew you weren't in love with her; you haven't known her long enough to truly trust her. But I could see how conflicted you were. You've never had a true friend before, so I figured you would immediately jump to thinking you loved her, but you were just being a concerned friend."

"I should've figured that out sooner. I'm supposed to be a detective."

"I like to think that I was rather convincing. Another lesson about caring for someone: you become blind to their faults and lies. You only want to see the best in them." Watari laid a warn and gentle hand on L's head and lightly ruffled the hair. Despite what others thought, L _did_ shower and brush his hair, it just stuck up weird when it dried. 

"Here's some honest advice. No tricks. You might want to talk to Ori before things get too out of hand. It's already been a couple days; maybe she's calmed down."

"I know, but we need to focus on the Second Kira too, things are getting out of hand. Can you have Ori come down here?"

"Yes, sir." Without another word, he disappeared into the blackness of the room.

<> <> <>

Ori was in her room watching _Fist of the North Star._ Aside from Raito, there were no suspects and Ori had looked over everything available, so there was nothing else to do. It didn't help that Matsuda and Aizawa didn't let her touch anything regarding Kira 2. Plus, Watari had specifically told her to stay in her room until he came to get her, or whatever that means. So, there she was, bored out of her mind, watching a show she didn't actually like, but it filled the empty air. Then the knock at her door came. It was probably Watari, so Ori went over to answer. When she opened the door, it _was_ Watari, but there was something off about him. He was smiling knowingly in a way that made Ori nervous. 

"Ori, if you could come down for a moment." He moved from the doorway and down the hall, giving Ori no time to argue. She should just close her door and go back to the show she didn't care about. She knew L would be downstairs, and after his sudden confession, Ori was furious. Not with L, but with herself. Despite Doc's relentless teasing, she really _didn't_ see L as anything more than a friend and boss, but she felt like it was her fault that she didn't return his feelings.

She felt guilty. The guilt settled at the bottom of her stomach, quickly covered by the quiet hallway. The lack of sound made Ori's chest feel empty and her ears itch. Quiet was becoming something she hated after Vivian's death. The empty air put her on edge, it made her aware of every little sound around her. It was one of the few things that surfaced. The lack of noise, knives, and people walking behind her made her uncomfortable. Ori had to sleep with her pressed against either the wall or bed. Doc said that she had the symptoms of PTSD, but it was too early to properly diagnose anything. 

Walking down the long hallway, Ori pressed her hand to her back for some kind of security. She was OK. It was something she was struggling with, but working on, nonetheless. L had been a type of security blanket for her, someone to distract her with a sort of white noise, but after his sudden confession, that blanket didn't feel so secure anymore. No- it was more like a heated blanket on a hot day. 

Before Ori knew it, she and Watari were standing in the lobby, L a ways in front of them, completely unaware of their presence. 

"He wants to talk to you, but I promise that it's nothing horrible," Watari whispered in her ear, then vanished. Ori swallowed heavily, then began walking closer to the hunched form in the chair.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Life's most persistent and urgent question is, 'What are you doing for others'?"  
> -MLK Jr.


	20. Story Time

Ori watched as L typed away on the computer. She slowly walked closer until she was directly behind him. The tapping sound of his fingers against the keyboard stilled and he turned to face her. 

"I'm surprised you came." He said in his usual flat tone. Ori just scoffed and took a slumped seat in the chair next to him. 

"Not like Watari gave me much of a choice. Dude left without letting me say anything."

"You could have easily shut the door and ignore me." His eyes followed her as she moved, and Ori fought the urge to hide under the table. 

"I think we need to talk, too." She was winding and twisting her fingers together, making them crack and pop.

"Good. I'd like to go first if that's all right with you." His dark eyes bore into her. The want to crawl under a blanket itched at her skin. 

"Um- y-yeah... go ahead." She tucked her knees into her chest and hugged herself. 

"Regarding what I said to you before. I'd like to discuss it one last time."

"OK. Yeah, go for it." L didn't hesitate to speak again. He opened his mouth and the words came out in a rush. 

"I did some research and found that I am not; in fact, in love with you." He almost seemed as normal and apathetic as usual, but his curled fists gave him away. Ori didn't really know how to feel. She was relieved that she didn't have to feel like things were going to be awkward between them, but she was also confused. Why did L think he was in love with her to begin with? Did Watari say something?

"I've never really had any friends before, and I never understood the different between romantic and platonic relationships when it came to males and females. I apologize that I made things hard for you."

Well. That certainly cleared things up.

"That makes sense." Ori set her feet back on the ground, leaning back a little bit. "I'm glad that you think of me as a friend, though. That's pretty cool." It felt more than cool. L, Ori's idol, thought of her as a friend. It was taking everything Ori had to not jump up and down on her bed. Mostly because she wasn't even in her room.

"I'm glad we got that cleared up. Now, if you wouldn't mind helping me find Kira 2, that would be much appreciated."

"Yeah, no problem. Just let me watch the tapes."

Watching the tapes available, then having L tell her what went on after, made Ori really appreciate how much she missed for the first time. 

"If Kira 2 decided to start killing, then it's safe to say that they either look up to the original Kira, or they want to do things differently. You know, like get all obstacles out of their way?" Ori set the last tape down in the small pile. It was clear that they didn't have all the tapes, but they could only work with what they had. 

"We came to the conclusion that Kira 2 sees Kira as a sort of... teacher. In a sense. We suspect that Kira 2 wants Kira to be proud of him." Things were still a little tense, and it felt weird without Matsuda, Aizawa, and Raito, but they were able to discuss things without wanting to run away, so Ori called it a win. 

"I'm guessing that Kira did something for Kira 2, indirectly or otherwise. Something that made Kira 2 believe in Kira's ideals. Though that seems obvious."

"I wouldn't say so. I didn't think of that before."

"That's because you might as well be an AI."

For the next few hours, they traded theories, went over the tapes again, then discussed what the next tapes might hold. All the tension was gone now, replaced with a business feel. It made Ori's chest feel warm at the thought of things going back to how they were before. 

"You're a lot different now." L said after ten minutes of mutual silence. 

"Different how?" Ori leaned back in her chair once again, tapping her pen on her thigh. Ori didn't feel different, but she also didn't feel the same. Maybe grief did that to a person. 

"You're a lot more serious about finding Kira. More mature, I guess you could say."

 _I'm mature? Doesn't feel like it._ Ori knew she was a lot of things. She was selfish, she was too energetic for people to handle at times, and she had a bad habit of trying to guess what people were thinking, but Ori wasn't mature. Sure, she had her moments of seriousness, but they never lasted. But, who was she to deny something L had already observed.

"It might be because I now know, firsthand, what kind of power Kira has. Mom never would've done something like that of her own free will."

"I know. She was a kind woman." Ori put the tapes into a small stack before crossing her arms over the desk and resting her head. 

"Before I moved to Daikoku, there were kids in my class who would tease me for not being 'Japanese enough' for them. They even called me Half-Breed for a while. It didn't bother me, because I knew that, in a sense, they were right. I wasn't fully Japanese. I wasn't put off by it, though. I was proud of my heritage. Especially when it made me smarter than them and it gave me a cool ass nickname. I could speak two languages fluidly, and they barely knew the difference between there, their, and they're." She let out a bitter chuckle. "It wasn't until they started going after Mom, did I start to say something. First, I told them to mind their own business, then, I challenged their intelligence. Finally, I beat up one of the boys when he said that Mom wasn't good enough to be here." L had raised an eyebrow at her, but stayed silent.

"It was nothing serious, just a black eye and a bloody nose, but kids never said anything ever again. The headmaster had me suspended, and demanded Mom reprimand me. She never did, though. She told me that I was brave for holding it off for as long as I did. She was proud of me for not resorting to violence right away. And that was it. I moved to a new school, met Raito and that was that." L was silent for a little while longer. It was as if he was considering her story. Why? Ori didn't know. When he spoke again, his tone was even quieter than normal, almost... gentle.

"That wasn't on your record. All it said was that you get along well with people."

"I'm not completely sure why it wouldn't be on my official school record, but as for me getting along with people. That's true. It's just that they don't always get along with me. That's just how people are. There are some who we can talk to, and some we can't. There's nothing wrong with that.

"I never understood the need to try to be friends with everybody anyway." Ori flashed him an easy smile, glad that Matsuda wasn't there to tease her. 

"For what it's worth, I'm glad we're friends." God, she was so cheesy sometimes.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We will never have true civilization until we have learned to recognize the rights of others."  
> -Will Rogers


	21. A Stuttering Heartbeat

"WE'RE GETTING NOWHERE!" Light watched as Ori kicked an empty chair into a nearby wall. The clattering sound of plastic hitting concrete made everyone but him and L jump. Ori was seething, chest puffing with every angry breath she inhaled and exhaled. 

"Getting angry isn't going to help us find Kira any faster." L scolded. 

"I don't know, L. There was a time where Ori figured out an equation by screaming about how "bullshit and wrong" it was. After she calmed herself out, she was more mentally pliable. Just give her time. She'll eventually just burn herself out." Ori, who was mercilessly kicking the chair, whipped to face Light with a twisted expression. 

"That's what _you_ think! I'm an eternal Flame Baby!!" She kicked the chair a few more times, then went back to her own chair and plopped down as if her legs were made of jelly. 

"Better?" Light asked with a teasing smile. 

"Fuck off." She grumbled irritably. Light let out a chuckle. Ryuk watched everything with his upturned smile. 

"If we could get back to finding a serial killer please." L looked at the two of them with an annoyed expression. 

"Yeah, if Raito could just get off my back."

"Don't be like that, Maggie. We both know I was the only one who would tolerate you at school."

"You're also the one who wouldn't leave me alone. I was perfectly content by myself."

"You also would've failed math."

"Isn't emotional well-being more important than academics?" Light knew that this was a playful argument. It was written all over Ori's face that she knew too, but L was gripping his knees tightly and frowning at the screen. 

"I know things are a little tense with the arrival of Kira 2, but if we could just focus a little longer, I'm sure we could find something." 

Ori righted the chair against the wall before slouching back down again. Under her breath, she muttered a sarcastic, "yeah, Raito." Which Ryuk thought was just hilarious. He cackled loudly in Light's ear.

<> <> <>

"L," Watari's voice came out grainy over a loudspeaker. He sounded urgent. "Kira 2's on TV. Switch now." Before he even finished, Ori was shoving L out of the way and changing the screen to Live TV. He shot her a quick glare that she ignored, then turned to stare at the screen. The familiarly deep and warbled voice came through the speaker, lighting Ori's soul with heated rage. Vivian has been _murdered_ by Kira, and this fake was treating Kira like some sort of idol to be adored. Like a student having a crush on their teacher. It made Ori a level of angry she had never known she was capable of. Far more than when she slugged that bully. 

It wasn't until she felt Raito pulling on her shoulder, did she realize how heavily she was breathing. Her heart was pounding in her chest, loud and heavy in her ears. She sucked in a slow breath, and let Raito pull her back into her chair. She collapsed in her seat, realizing that she had almost missed Kira 2'a entire monologue. 

Out of the corner of her eye, she saw Ide launch from his seat. 

"This is out of control. Someone needs to stop that bastard before he kills someone!!" He sped to the door on the other side of the room. 

"Ide! Where are you going!?" Ori found herself out of her chair once again, staring after Ide's retreating figure. 

"None of you are doing anything! I'm going to that damn Sakura News station and tell them to turn off the broadcast."

"Think about what you're doing!" Ori cried after him. "We don't know what this new Kira is capable of. We don't know they won't attack police. Who knows what lengths they'll go to for Kira?" Ori saw Raito bite his lip, but he said nothing. 

"Mr. Ide, I don't think that's in our best interest at the moment. We should stay here until we've gathered all the information we can. Honey's correct; we don't know what Kira 2 will do." Instantly, Ide stopped and whirled to face L. Fury made his face turn bright red. He stepped a little closer, but then stopped himself. 

"You think you're so smart, don't you?! World's Best Detective, and what? You couldn't even find _one_ killer! Now there's another! What are we supposed to do?! I refuse to just sit here and do nothing while more and more people are being slaughtered." His chest was moving erratically like Ori's had been just moments before. Suddenly, she didn't feel so angry anymore. Instead, she felt sorry for Ide. She felt like she could relate to him, but this wasn't the way to go about it. 

"I get that your angry, Ide, but getting yourself killed isn't going to do anything. We can't just storm in an-"

"You all said that Kira couldn't kill us without both a name _and_ a face. I'm not going to die without bringing that asshole down." Ori opened her mouth to speak. To convince Ide that leaving was an awful idea. They didn't know if Kira 2 was possible if something more dangerous. 

"Thank you for your service, Ide." L solemnly whispered. 

"You can't be serious, Ryuzaki!" Ori turned on him. He couldn't really let Ide just walk away, could he?

"And I hate how you always have to have the last word!" Ide slammed the door behind him as he left the room. Silence echoed against the walls and settled over all of them. Ori's mouth felt dry. She couldn't decide if her mind was racing, or if she was even thinking at all. Everything felt so still and haunted.

"What happens now?" Ori croaked out. She winced like she needed a glass of water.

"Admittedly, I'm not quite sure." L said. He was still staring at the many screens in front of him. His hands were still, curled into his baggy jeans. Ori moved her chair to sit next to him. 

"I never asked before, " she started in a quiet voice, "but how did you know Kira 2 was a fake?" L was silent for ten seconds longer, then clicked his eyes over to her. 

"Kira wouldn't have told the world of his existence through tapes. He wanted people to learn of him naturally. Also, Kira 2 said he wanted to work with the police, but he'd 'defend' himself if he felt it was necessary." Ori frowned, she didn't remember Kira 2 saying that. 

"Is that what the whole monologue before was about?" At that, he turned to face her fully.

"Yes; it was quite clear. Were you not paying attention?" Ori's face went hot and she turned off to the side. In a low murmur, she said, "I got a little distracted."

"I hope that Kira 2's devotion to Kira won't be a problem for you. Having you off the force for a month was difficult enough. We don't need you going off the rails again."

"I'm not! It won't!" She scrambled frantically, but L just cocked an eyebrow. 

"I'm holding you to that." He turned his gaze back to the screen, which was taken away from the Old English script saying 'KIRA'. It was now pointed at the Sakura News station. A man was running towards the doors, and Ori instantly knew it was Ide. Her heart crept into her mouth as she watched him yank on the doors, only to reach for his gun and shoot and shatter the glass doors a few seconds later. Everything was silent. The reporter wasn't speaking, and the Task Force was too stunned to speak. Ide walked over the shattered glass, but then stopped. He put a hand on his chest, just over his heart. He collapsed and Ori sucked in a painful breath. His digits and limbs twitched, but then he stilled. 

And didn't move again. 

L's already wide eyes were bigger than before, and even Raito's mouth was agape. Ori knew, she knew deep in her gut that this would happen-she knew that nothing about this would go well, but seeing Ide collapse on TV, it sent a whole new shiver of fear and rage coursing through her body. Now it was real. The rules were different now. Kira 2 didn't need a name and a face. Just a face. Secret identifies couldn't save them now. 

"I didn't want to kill that policeman, but he gave me no choice. Give me L, and no more innocents will die." The warbled voice spoke almost as if nothing had happened. 

"Give up L?" Aizawa shouted as if Kira 2 could hear him. "He's got to be out of his goddamn mind!"

"Please, Aizawa, we must remain calm."

"Calm?! That bastard just killed Ide, and you want us to remain calm?!?"

"Believe me, I am just as upset as you, but getting worked up and acting irrationally will do nothing but give us more trouble."

"Umm, guys?" Matsui said timidly. "I don't want to interrupt, but where's the Cheif?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Before God, we are all equally wise, and equally foolish."  
> -Albert Einstein


	22. Stress and Drinking

"He's gone?!" Ori was at her feet before L even noticed she was standing. she walked to the door, as if the chief would still be there. Light was staring at the door, dazed. Ori was gripping the doorknob tightly, her knuckles whitening. 

"He can't be." She said, much too quietly for her to be talking to the rest of them. "He wouldn't do something so stupid. He's not an idiot." She was a statue for a few breathless moments. Still and L couldn't tell if she was breathing or not. Then, in one startling motion, she roughly slammed the door closed. The harsh, metallic sound rattled in L's brain. He rubbed his temples briefly. Ori was giving him more and more headaches with each passing day. 

"Can we _please_ remain calm? We need to go about this rationally." He said loudly enough for everyone to hear him. Ori was still seething, but she sat down in her seat all the same. Her knee was bouncing erratically, hands folded into a tent against her face. 

"Chief was like a father to me. If he goes..." She trailed off quietly, only letting L hear her verbal thoughts. He said nothing, he didn't even put a comforting hand on her bouncing knee. This was another occasion where L didn't quite know what to do. He didn't know what would make her angry or uncomfortable. He wasn't even sure if _he_ was comfortable with doing any of those things. L didn't know if Ori acknowledged his internal struggle or not, but if she did, she showed no signs of knowing. 

_How could things go so bad so quickly? I can barely wrap my head around what's happening._ L sucked in a deep and slow breath to calm his nerves. He had to follow his own words and relax. He had to think of a plan before Yagami got to the news station. 

"Watari," he pressed on the intercom button.

"Here, sir." Came the grainy voice. 

"I have a plan. I need you to call the Japanese police department and get them to Sakura News station as fast as they can."

"Yes, sir. I'll call them immediately." And just like that, Watari was gone, and they were all left in silence and the hope that Yagami would survive tonight.

The silence is too much. Too loud. Too heavy as it fell over them like a storm cloud. The air was stuffy, and those who were too restless to sit in their seats, jumped out and paced the room, which only made everyone else more nervous. There was only one person pacing. It was Ori and she was only adding to the thick, nervous energy. 

"Hey! I see something." Matsuda said facing the monitors. Ori whirled around so fast L thought he had gotten second-hand whiplash. In a flash, Ori was next to him, staring intently at the screen. It was a man running through the shattered and open doors of the front lobby. More men were dead. They were all security guards, and it only assured L that this Kira 2 wasn't the real one. Kira was adamant about killing criminals and criminals only. Kira 2 was going after anyone in their way. 

"That's gotta be Chief." Ori said firmly. He had a coat covering his face, but it was clear. Yagami stopped at Ide's corpse. At first it looked like he was paying his respect, but L saw Yagami pull Ide's gun and wallet from his holster and pocket. 

"Where's the police force?" Ori demanded. "Why aren't they here yet?" She was gripping the leather padding of the chair seat so hard, L could see that she had actually ripped small holes in the material. 

"They're on their way." Came Watari's grainy voice. "Just a few more minutes." Ori jumped from her seat again. 

"I need a drink." Everyone but Light whipped around to face Ori, but she was already half-way across the room.

"What?! You're in front of three police officers and a detective and Light! You can't just admit that kind of stuff!" Matsuda cried. Ori ignored him, and when Mogi stood to go after her, Light spoke up.

"Just wait. It's not what you think." 

"Yeah, she's going to get drunk _before_ she comes back." L said dryly. Light just rolled his eyes and watched the screen. Yagami still had yet to emerge from the doorway, and the Police Station hadn't arrived yet, but they were close according to Watari. L couldn't stop the nerves that shot through his veins or the ferocious pounding of his heart. He ignored the feelings as best he could, but they were constantly pressing against his chest. They squeezed his heart, twisting it and pulling it from the confines of his chest. He couldn't be the only one feeling this way, could he? That's why Ori had walked away. It's why Light looked terrified for the safety of his father. He wasn't alone in this feeling. 

So why did it feel like he was?

When Ori came back, the police station had parked outside the station and surrounded the place. There was no possible way Kira 2 would see Yagami. 

Ori plopped down next to L, a large bottle in her hands. When he looked, it was a two-liter bottle of Mtn Dew. No cup, just the bottle. She unscrewed the top and began to drink it. 

"When you die at the age of twenty-five, I'll tell everyone this is how you died." Light said. 

"Beats being killed by Kira. This way, I'll know the actual identity of my killer."

"That's... very dark," Matsuda said. Ori just shrugged and took another swig. 

"Hold on." Aizawa squinted at one of the screens, looming over Ori.

"Personal space, dude." She grumbled, but Aizawa paid her no attention. Aizawa just continued to glare at the screen like it had personally offended him. Swiftly, he pulled back and turned to face L.

"There's the chief." He pointed wildly to the screen, not actually gesturing to Yagami. When L _did_ see him, Yagami had a blacked-out helmet over his face and he was surrounded by police members. L hadn't even noticed they had walked inside.   


"What's that in his hand?" Ori asked. They all looked closer again and saw the familiar small black rectangle in his hand. 

"He got a tape." Light whispered. "He got the newest Kira 2 tape." His voice was louder now, more cheerful. Ori capped her Mtn Dew and set it on the table. She pressed the intercom button, pushing L aside when he told her to get off. 

"Watari, bake some cakes because we're going to be commemorating the life of Ide and celebrating the success we had today!" Watari's laugh was cackling through the radio. 

"All right, but you'll have to tell me what kind you want," Ori smirked at his tone and pulled back a little, her finger still pressed on the intercom. 

"Raito, get me a pad of paper and a pen. We're making a whole ass list." She glanced at Light, who just sighed and nodded before exiting the room. She turned to face L, a wide smirk on her face. "I'll be sure to help you out, Watari. I got a cake that L needs to try." A mischievous glint in her eyes.

"Why do I feel like my life's in danger?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We may have all come on different ships but we're in the same boat now."  
> -Martin Luther King Jr.


	23. Parties of Cake and Misa (Part 1)

"Let's get this shit started!" Ori shouted. She was in the kitchen while everyone else was seated at their chairs in front of the screens. Apparently, none of them wanted to be in the kitchen when Ori inevitably made a mess. Which was bullshit, all right?! Ori's never made a mess in the kitchen before. She was actually very good at baking; she learned from Vivian.

"J-just don't blow anything up, Maggie." Matsui requested in a shaky voice. "We'll still need the kitchen."

"Oh, shut the fuck up, Matsui." She snapped. Raito was gone, getting his girlfriend, Missy, or something like that. Ori was still waiting for him to come out as gay, but it was whatever. Watari was nice enough to help her with all the different cakes, which was awesome.

"I could always get L to come in here and help if you'd like. For liking sweets so much, he knows nothing about baking." The old man said. Ori put on a smile. Those were becoming easier now; they didn't feel quite so forced anymore. 

"That's okay. Thanks though." She was placing out all the ingredients for the cake mix. Thankfully, the kitchen counter was spacious enough.

"Understood. L, come out here and help." Ori dropped the box of piping bags on the counter and held out her arms in disbelief. What the fuck? She's _just_ said that she didn't want his help. Was Watari going deaf in his old age?

"No thank you." L said. "I'd prefer to just eat it." Now Ori was pissed and wanted to make him help just because he was being an ass.

"You know what? Fuck it! L, get your skinny ass over here before I drag you by that mane you call hair!"

"You know what? I think I'll help you. They say cake tastes better when you make it yourself." Ori laughed as L's chair moved from its spot and the sound of his jeans rubbing against themselves as he moved came closer. 

"Light just sent me a text." He informed her. "He'll be here with Misa in about five minutes." 

"So that's her name!" Ori snapped her fingers. L's already blank face turned somehow blanker. 

"Did you seriously forget her name?" He took a glass bowl and poured the water inside. 

"Do you think I'm some forgetful klutz who doesn't remember the name of her friend's girlfriend?" She took the bowl from his hands and dump a cup of cocoa powder inside and began whisking it.

"I think you're a dick who purposefully doesn't commit certain names to memory." He shot back. Ori had to move away from the bowl so she wouldn't spit in it.

"Woah! Did you just swear?!" Her eyes were wide. L shrugged, acting like him calling her a dick was no big deal. Well, maybe she _was_ a dick, but damn. Instead, she laughed and let it go. It was funny anyway.

"I'm impressed. I haven't heard a single swear word come out of you since we first met." She finished whisking the chocolate together and mix in the flour, sugar, and baking powder. 

"Hey, guys!" Came Raito's voice. There was another voice talking to the members of the Task Force. A female's, high and girly. It reminded Ori of a valley girl; she was immediately annoyed. When the girl's voice and clacking heels came closer, she gripped the whisk and glass bowl harder. 

"Please, don't break the glass." L whispered. "I don't think Watari would be happy."

"Sure," Ori said through gritted teeth. 

"She's under suspicion of being Kira 2, by the way." He said next. If Ori had been holding the glass bowl away from the counter and over the floor, she would've for sure dropped it. 

"Why didn't you tell me that sooner?!" She hissed in a hushed whisper. 

"You didn't ask." Came the response. Ori felt her eye twitching.

" _Why_ would I ask that?" Ori felt like strangling him. 

"I question why you ask a lot of things." He replied flatly. Ori wanted to hit him with the whisk, but that would just dirty the utensil with hair, and Raito and Misa were already half-way through the kitchen door. 

Misa looked like she was trying to imitate the classic American female. Blond hair tied up in pigtails and crystal blue contacts. She wore gothic style clothes that didn't quite fit her facial features and boots that made her just a little taller than Ori. She hated her immediately. Her eyes immediately locked on Ori, and a large smile broke out across her face. 

"Aren't you just the cutest little thing?" Her manicured hands caught Ori's and bounced up in down. L caught the bowl so it wouldn't fall and Ori was jerked up and down by Misa. 

"Could you stop?" Ori asked almost instantly. She didn't wait for a response and just ripped her hands out. Misa acted like she hadn't heard Ori speak and continued to hold her hands. 

"You're so tiny. Like a little doll." Misa moved her hands from Ori's and cupped her face. "I love your freckles. Smile! Do you have dimples too?" She brought the corners of Ori's mouth up and into a weird grimace. 

"Please stop." She said again, her voice considerably weaker. Ori wasn't one for physical contact, especially with someone she didn't know, trust, or like, and so far, Misa was touching all three targets. 

"And your hair is so curly without looking like a completely tangled mess. How'd you do that? I've been trying to get my hair to curl for a long time; it just won't work." She was running fingers through Ori's hair, and that's when she snapped. Her hands jolted up to grab Misa's wrists and brought them down.

"I'd appreciate it if you didn't touch me." It was like a switch was flipped inside of Misa's brain. Gone was the smile and cheerful behavior, and in its stead was an annoyed expression and a huffy brat of a girl. 

"You're no fun." She turned on her heel and marched back to the rest of the group. Ori sagged against the counter.

"She's the exact opposite of who Raito would date."

"That makes sense." L made a show of jokingly patting Ori's head, his fingers lingering on over her scalp. She involuntarily leaned into his touch, but his hand was gone as soon as it had come. 

"Watari!" Ori cried out, not realizing that Watari was still in the room until he poked her in the side. 

"Oh, sorry, I thought you were out with the others. Raito!" Raito popped his head back inside, Misa clinging to him like a pretty sloth. 

"Yeah?" 

"Can you get my computer from my room?" Misa glared at her, red lips pursed. 

"Sure." He ducked out and Misa tagged along after him. Ori took the bowl from L and continued stirring it. 

"Making these cakes just became a whole lot harder." She grumbled. 

By the time Raito was coming back with Ori's computer, they were pouring the first of the cake batter into a pan. He handed Ori her computer, and she began looking for music to play. She thought it would be funny to annoy Raito and played songs from America. The band she played had been Vivian's favorite. 'Queen'.

_I paid my dues, time after time~_

The music flowed into the air and Raito threw her a glare that almost matched Misa's, but didn't look quite so threatening. 

"Are you kidding me right now?" He asked over the music. 

"I don't understand your thing against American music. It's good." She shot back, singing along poorly to purposefully make him leave. "Now get out, we need to start on the second cake." Raito huffed and made his way out of the kitchen, Misa hanging on him like a glamorous monkey. Ori huffed and turned back to pouring the rest of the chocolate cake batter into another cake pan.

"I don't like her." She muttered under her breath.

"I can tell." L said unhelpfully. She shot him a quick, mocking look, and scooped the rest out with a spatula. 

"What's the oven set at?" Ori asked. L was silent, then said. 

"The oven was supposed to be turned on already?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Sex is kicking death in the ass while singing.”  
> ― Charles Bukowski


	24. Parties of Cake and Misa (Part 2)

"The oven was supposed to be turned on already?" The question hung in the air like a bad smell. Ori wanted to be mad, she really did, but his cluelessness was both hilarious and adorable.

_Adorable?_ Ori thought in alarm. _Oh heeeeee~ll naw, we are_ not _going down that road._

Nonetheless, she let herself laugh and went to turn on the oven.

"It's all right. That just gives us more time to get the rest of the cake batter." 

"Maggie!" Ori heard Matsui shout from the other room. 

"What?!" She shouted back.

"I want funfetti!" He almost sounded embarrassed. Like he had just barely summed up the courage to say what he wanted. Ori commended him for that.

"Sure." She said, quieter so he couldn't hear. No stores in Japan sold funfetti cake batter, so they'd have to bake it from scratch. Which was fine. They'd just have to look up the recipe. 

_We are the champions! WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS!! No time for losers, 'cause we are the champions..._

_Of the world~!!_

The music came to a close and the sound faded out, only to be replaced with another song by _Queen_. This time, it was "Killer Queen".

"I haven't heard any of these songs before." L said. "They're American, right?"

"Well, the band itself is American, but the lead singer is from Tanzania. He was gay."

"Of course you would know something like that." They were already almost half-way through making the funfetti batter when Ori felt something hit her face. She reeled back, sputtering when something dusty and dry went up her nose. Her eyes scrunched close on reflex and it took a good while for her to buck up the courage to open them again. When she did, L was staring back at her, wearing a small smirk. 

"Why must you hurt me this way?" She asked in a fake British accent. L flicked her forehead and went to reach for a nearby washcloth, but Ori was already grabbing the mostly full sack of flour. She gripped it by the bottom and tipped it upside down over L's head. An explosion of powder followed the action and more splashed onto Ori's face and clothes, but it was worth it when she saw the flour stick to his raven hair and pale skin. It covered his face and surrounded his eyes, making the black look darker. He was like an inverted raccoon. 

He blinked owlishly, mouth settled in a straight line. 

"I didn't use that much flour." Was all he said. A laugh burst passed Ori's lips before she could stop it. She laughed until her jaw hurt and her chest ached.

<> <> <>

This was the first time in a while that L saw Ori laugh so freely and heartily since Vivian's death. Smirking chuckles here, mocking snickers there, but nothing like the breathless laughter she let out with the flour sticking to her hair, face, and clothes. The white made her sea-colored eyes brighter, more vibrant, or maybe that was the pure joy in them. 

His mind was a haze, his limbs like seaweed as they reached out to grasp the hem of her shirt. It was like slow motion when he tugged her close and captured her lips in his. Her mouth was soft and still and dry from the flour under his. His lips slipped in between hers as she opened them a fraction wider. She tugged him closer, hands squeezing his shirt tightly. 

L couldn't breathe. He didn't _want_ to breathe. He wanted to stay here, in this moment of warmth and whatever this was. Because whatever it was, L liked it. He had no experience with kissing, he'd always thought it was gross and a waste of time, but now his while body was buzzing and he felt like he was floating. 

The sound of the alarm on the oven going off made them both jump apart like they'd gotten caught by one of the Task Force members and not an inanimate object. Ori's eyes were glazed over and her lips were kissed red and wet. She blinked to bring herself back and stared at him. He stared back. 

Her face was tomato red, freckles stark across her nose and cheeks. L's own face felt hot and red. 

"I should put the cakes in the oven." Her voice was rasped and whispery.

"Yeah." He said back, his own voice quiet in the deafening silence. The word felt like it had been ripped from his diaphragm, raw in his throat. The gold in Ori's eyes was white against the florescent lights of the kitchen, like shells found in the ocean. She looked beautiful and all L could think about was the urge to kiss her again. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Lex iniusta non est lex: A bad law is no law"  
> -St. Thomas Aquinas


	25. Parties of Cake and Misa (Part 3)

Ori's mind was spinning. She felt hot and dizzy and sweaty and her lips were tingling. She felt drunk and confused and somehow ashamed like it wasn't supposed to go like this. It wasn't though. They were supposed to bake the cakes, eat them, and have a party, not suck face like a couple of horny teenagers.

L's face was an unusual shade of pink, which didn't help Ori's pounding heart, but she pushed the image from her mind and shoved the cakes into the oven with spun the timer around.

"I-uh... I need to go." She told him. He said nothing as she left the room; she was grateful. Face burning, she ran to the elevator and closed the doors. Now secure behind the strong metal, her legs gave out and she collapsed. She couldn't breathe. She tried to gasp for air, but it froze before hitting her lungs. 

She felt like she was going to combust. She felt hot under her clothes. Boiling. Was kissing someone supposed to make you so dizzy and lightheaded?

Ori felt sick. She felt sick, but nothing came up from her stomach. Slowly, she sucked in air through her nose and out her mouth. The air was cool inside the elevator and it soothed her lungs and throat. 

Maybe she was over exaggerating. It wasn't like the kiss had been bad. Far from it, but with Vivian's death and the Kira Case, it felt wrong. Holy shit, there was never even a funeral for Vivian. What had they done with her body? Did they just toss her in a morgue somewhere until they ran out of room and had to toss her somewhere?

Ori's stomach churned again, but once more, nothing came up. She stayed on her hands and knees, gasping for air and wrenching on nothing until her throat was raw and aching. Sweat dripped from her forehead and onto the gray carpeting. 

She leaned back against the door, huffing and straining to catch her breath. With shaking hands she reached for her phone. Three more minutes until the kitchen timer went off. Maybe she could just stay in the elevator until the timer went off, finish the cakes, and never talk to L ever again. Easy peasy.

"Fuck." She groaned aloud. She couldn't avoid him forever. She couldn't _never_ talk to him again. But maybe she could just forget the kiss ever happened. They didn't need to talk about it. They didn't need to acknowledge it. No one needed to know. 

She pushed herself to her feet and wiped the sweat from her face and neck. With a few more deep breaths, Ori opened the doors and strolled passed the Task Force members. They didn't notice her as she walked into the kitchen. Inside, L was gone. Disappointment and relief rolled around in her stomach like twin storms crashing on the serf of a beach, tearing into the sand and demolishing homes. What was wrong with her? One kiss and she was becoming a stuttering mess. She was Ori Nanase-Maggie End-and she wouldn't be torn apart by a boy. 

When the timer went off, she pulled out one of the cakes and stuck a toothpick through it. She pulled it out and the toothpick came away clean. She pulled out the rest of the cakes and placed down the first chocolate cake. It was then did she realize that there wasn't any frosting made. Great. Just... great. 

She quickly went to work making a buttercream frosting. It was rich and smooth and perfect and Ori was completely miserable. She wanted L in the kitchen with her. She wanted them to mess around with flour (and maybe-possibly-kiss again). Ori trusted him more than anyone else on the Task Force, even Raito, she could maintain an intelligent conversation with him while also teasing him without him taking it to heart, where Raito broke down every time she called him perfect. He'd put her to bed and let her wet his shirt with tears when the weight of her mother's dead finally came crashing on her like a strong wave. But that didn't mean that she felt anything romantic towards him, right? She didn't get the strong butterflies, nor did she swoon at the mere thought of him. Ugh... why did feelings have to be so complicated.

"Maggie!" Came the infuriatingly cheerful voice of Misa. Her loud heels click-clacked into the kitchen, stopping a few feet away. It seemed that she'd learned her lesson from before. 

"What?" Ori asked dryly. Misa didn't pay any attention to her resigned tone.

"I wanted to see if you needed any help with the cakes-"

"Not necessary," Ori said blandly. 

"Okay, you're right." She said dramatically. "I don't want to help with the cakes; they make you fat. What I really want to know is how long you and Ryuzaki have been dating." Ori had been holding a spoon covered in buttercream frosting in her mouth when Misa spoke and promptly choked on it. She coughed and fought to clear her throat before straightening and turning to face her.

"What!?" Her voice was rasped and breathless. "D-dating?! We-we're not dating. He's my _boss_!"

"Ooo~ work romance? How scandalous."

"Do you not hear what I'm saying!?" Ori's heart was pounding in her chest. What was _wrong_ with today? Why did today suck so much?

"What I'm hearing is denial. I saw you two kiss." She waggled her thin eyebrows and Ori wanted to punch her right between them.

"It was nothing. It was a kiss. It didn't mean anything." Misa stepped closer and Ori stepped back. This was wrong. All of this was wrong. 

"I don't understand why you won't just go for it. You love him, he loves you."

" _Stop_!" Ori was on the verge of hyperventilating. Tears pricked at the corners of her eyes. "I don't understand what's going on! I'm confused and today was supposed to be an easy day for everyone to just relax and take a break from the case. We've all been so stressed out and-"

"Maggie." Misa's voice wasn't as annoying as before. It was solid ground in a raging storm of frustration and confusion. "Take a breath, Maggie. It's all right. If you love him, you love him. There's nothing wrong with that."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “The hour of departure has arrived, and we go our separate ways, I to die, and you to live. Which of these two is better only God knows.”  
> ― Socrates


	26. Parties of Cake and Misa (Part 4)

"If you love him, you love him. There's nothing wrong with that." Her fake blond hair fell over her shoulder, but Ori just shook her head. 

"But I _don't_ love him. He's my boss. My friend. I don't love him." Misa gave a sad, tight-lipped smile, but didn't argue.

"All right, whatever you say." And just like that, another switch was flipped and Misa was back to her blond, ditzy self. "Anyway, I'm going to Light's room. I'll see you later~!" She was gone with the lazy wave of her hand. Ori leaned against the counter, buttercream nearly forgotten and beginning to melt. With slow, numb movements, Ori grabbed the bowl and placed it in the fridge. 

Ori wasn't in love with L. She wasn't. There was no way in hell that she and L would become a couple, even if she did have romantic feelings for him. 

Frustration built up in her chest once more. This wasn't fair! Her mother was dead, they were no closer to finding Kira, her back ached, and now she was second-guessing the effects of her relationship with her boss.

"What the fuck?" She whispered to herself in a hushed voice. 

"Maggie! How're the cakes coming?" Matsui asked. She jumped at the sound and looked at the doorway. Her throat felt closed and she had to give a cough to open it again.

"It would go a lot quicker if you wouldn't keep bugging me!" She shouted back. It was a fight to keep her mind on the task at hand, much different than when she was distracting herself from Vivian. It was easy because she wasn't seeing Vivian every day. Now, as soon as she woke up and went to the lobby, there would be L. She'd be in the same room as L until she went to bed at whatever ungodly hour she'd finally feel the effects of sleep at. 

Maybe she should try avoiding L at all costs.

She let the cakes and the frosting cool for a little while. Her computer still played music somewhere distantly, mockingly. 

"This was supposed to be something fun." She murmured. "Now I'm just trying not to through everything at the nearest wall." Ori would be the first to admit that her temperament was worse now. Her patience used to be that of an abyss. Now, the littlest thing could set her off. 

It would've been so much easier if she hadn't joined L. She could've lived her life at Todai without worry. She wouldn't have turned into this mess.

But... who's to say that Kira wouldn't have killed Vivian anyway? Maybe Vivian had some kind of criminal background Ori wasn't aware of. Maybe Vivian never told her because she was different now and there was no need to bring it up.

When did things have to go and get so complicated? 

Ori pulled the buttercream from the fridge and began spreading it over the cake. Layer by layer, she placed the cakes on top of each other. Chocolate, funfetti, and then chocolate to finish it off. With the frosting she had left, she took some red food coloring and dripped it into the bowl. Good. This was good. It kept her focused on the task at hand. 

She needed a piping bag and a nozzle. Where were they? They had to be somewhere in the cupboards. If only there weren't so many. She rifled through them until the plastic triangles and metal nozzles came into view. She smeared the now red frosting into the bag. Her heart was settled and her mind was clear, but her hands were shaking with the effort to hold the bag still. She piped little flowers onto the cakes, small twirls all around each tier. Once she was done, she swelled with pride. This was fine.

"Hey! The cake's done!" She called out. Matsui, Aizawa, and Chief Yagami came into the kitchen and smiled at the cake.

"It looks wonderful, Maggie," Chief said with a comforting smile. "Well done." Ori smiled back, joy flushing her cheeks. 

"I'll go get Light and Miss Misa," Watari said as he appeared out of nowhere. Ori jumped at the sight of him, letting out a small yelp.

"All right. Thank you, Watari." 

"Can we cut the cake before they get here?" Matsui asked. 

<> <> <>

The only time L ever felt like a fool was when Orien Nanase was involved. He confessed that he loved her, only to realize that was he was feeling wasn't quite love, only to then _kiss_ her a few days later.

He still didn't understand the concept of loving Ori. His heart didn't pound at the sight or thought of her. She calmed him and infuriated him at the same time, and he found himself never wanting to leave her. She was confusing and amazing and smart and frustrating and strong. 

He'd left the kitchen shortly after she did, with his head buzzing and heart tight in his chest. This wasn't how the Kira Case was supposed to go. It was fine Kira, sentence Kira to death, move on to the next case. Now, it was fine Kira, figure out his feelings regarding Ori, find Kira 2, sentence them both to death, say goodbye to Ori, then move on to the next case. 

' _Things just got a whole lot more complicated.'_ He rubbed his face with his hands with a hefty groan. 

"Sir," came Watari's voice from the other side of L's door. "Ori finished the cake. If you want to join the others and eat it."

L wanted to say no. Ori would be there and he was sure that she didn't want to see him, but... it was cake. 

"I'll be right down."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Sed lex dura lex: the law is hard, but it's the law"


	27. Parties of Cake and Misa (Part 5)

Light knew there was something on between L and Ori. He asked Misa about it, but she wouldn't tell him. 

"It's not my business." Was what she'd said. But looking at the two of them, watching them interact, it was clear that whatever happened leaned on the more romantic side. 

They refused to make eye contact with each other, but they repeatedly cast glances at each other and would promptly blush whenever they did.

_'They probably kissed about now don't know what to do.'_ Which wasn't good. The closer they got to each other, the harder it would be to get Ori on his side.

_'Maybe killing Vivian wasn't a good idea. I have to act fast.'_

<> <> <>

L wasn't used to eating desserts if Watari wasn't the one to make them, so he was a little skeptical when he came into the kitchen to eat Ori's cake, even when everyone was talking about how good it was, especially Matsuda. You could give the guy a half baked cookie and he'd still say it's good. But he was fair and a little curious about how it tasted.

Misa didn't eat any, claiming that the cake would make her fat, like eating one bite will magically turn her into the most obese person in the world. L was beginning to question her intelligence. 

L cut himself a slice of chocolate cake, not his favorite, but it was better than that funfetti crap Matsuda had Ori make. He found himself looking at her several times, watching her hair curl under her chin and around her ears. He watched the dimples on her cheeks form whenever she laughed at something Matsuda said. His stomach rolled at the sight and he bit back the urge to snatch her away and pull her to the nearest corner. To do what, L didn't know, which was mildly concerning. 

Maybe he was feeling jealous.

She caught him looking at her and turned pink before going back to her conversation. They needed to talk, but how could he talk to her without her freaking out and running away. 

The worst part was the cake. It was obscenely good. Maybe if it had tasted bad, then L could find a reason to stop feeling like he was being flattened by blankets. Soft, heavy, hot, and all-encompassing. It was suffocating and L didn't know if he wanted it to stop. He was drowning, and there was no lifeboat, no raft, nothing to latch onto. He would simply fall to the bottom and die there. 

<> <> <>

The party was fun. Matsui was cracking jokes, Aizawa was scolding him like a disappointed father, Chief was watching them both with a soft smile, Misa was being annoyingly clingy on Raito, and Raito was trying to eat his cake him one hand. L was the only problem. Ori found him looking at her again and again. It was embarrassing and she didn't know what to do. She knew that they should talk like proper adults, but what could she say? _hey, I like kissing you and I respect you, you make me feel heard and you take me seriously and you're actually really funny-_. Her thoughts halted.

 _'No. There's no way.'_ Her face felt hot. Maybe she just had a fever. Maybe she just needed to lie down for a while and get her thoughts together. She wasn't thinking clearly.

"Are you all right, Maggie?" Matsui asked. "You don't look so good; your face is all flushed." She turned to him, setting down her plate.

"I'm all right, Matsui. I just need to lay down for a while. You guys keep doin' what you're doin', and I'll be back later." She moved around the Task Force members, only to be stopped by Misa. Ori didn't bother trying to cover up her annoyance. 

"What do you want, Misa?" She asked. Misa, as usual, ignored her tone and took her hands. "Please stop grabbing my hands like that."

"I saw your face just now when you were looking at Ryuzaki. You figured it out, didn't you?" Her voice wasn't the soothing tone it was before. Now it was teasing and nosy. Ori really wanted to deck her. Instead, she ripped her hands and away and shouldered past her.

"My personal affairs are none of your business."

<> <> <>

Light watched as Ori left the room. He wanted to go after her, to bring her in closer, but with Misa hanging off him like an ape, it wasn't possible. L was already walking out of the room too. 

_'Dammit_!' Nothing was working. How could he get Ori back on his side without alarming her that Light was-in fact-Kira?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "A friend is someone who knows all about you and still loves you."  
> -Elbert Hubbard


	28. I Know You

The party was long over. Ori had holed herself up in her room, hoping that no one, especially L, would come knocking on her door to bug her. Maybe if she stayed in her room long enough, history would forget what happened today.

_Knock! Knock! Knock!_

Son of a bitch.

Ori dragged herself up from her bed, feet dragging as she walked to the door. Maybe Lady Luck was on her side after all and it would be L. With a sense of security that was clearly false, Ori opened the door.

Son. Of. A. Bitch.

It was cruel how adorable he looked when he nervously kept his eyes downcast. Ori's heart squeezed painfully behind her ribs.

"Hey," he said. The situation that they now found themselves in was comical. 

"Hey," she said back. She stepped aside so L could saunter inside. He scratched the nape of his neck, hair rustling as he did. 

"I'm sorry I kissed you like that. I didn't mean for it to happen like that."

"Like that?" She asked. "So there was a different way you wanted to kiss me." Her tone came off as more guarded than she originally intended, and guilt struck her gut when L flinched, but he didn't back down. He nodded. He lifted his head to meet her eyes; his black pools seemed to swallow her whole. There was no escape now, for either of them. 

"I do love you." He said, stepping close. The loose hems of his jeans brushed over the carpeted floor. 

"We barely know each other." Her voice didn't come off nearly as strong as she had wanted it to, and she silently cursed herself for it. 

"I wouldn't say that." He said, not unkindly. "I know you love food and sugar almost as much as I do; I know you try to act selfish when you're one of the kindest people I know; I know how much trust means to you and the fact that you don't know if you can trust Light is killing you on the inside." He continued to step closer until Ori was pressed against the wall and they were almost touching. "I know you once lost your front tooth while playing catch; I know that you want to be a detective and find your father." He bent lower so they were eye level. Ori's eyes burned with unshed tears she refused to release.

"I know you want to make Vivian proud, and I know that she already is." _Is._ Not _was._ And that was it. The tears spilled over and Ori smiled through wet sobs.

"Asshole. You can't just say things like that."

"I can and I will. I know you, Ori Nanase, and I love the you I know." He pulled her against him, letting her sob into his chest until his shirt was soggy and sticky and she had no more tears left to cry. He didn't complain, he just held her closer, whispering sweet nothings into her ear.

"You're so cheesy." She croaked.

"Says you." He pulled away, keeping his hands on her shoulders. "You don't have to give me an answer now, not until you're ready. Just know that I won't stop loving you. Ever." His smile was enough to outshine the sun. Quiet in its beauty, but loud in its adoration. "I'll give you space until you figure everything out, okay? No pressure." He pulled away, letting Ori move away from the door, and then opened it. He disappeared behind the wood and Ori was alone again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "You know you're in love when you can't fall asleep because reality is finally better than your dreams."  
> -Dr. Seuss


	29. Just Tell Me (Part 1)

Ori used to like dreaming. She could fall into another world and dream about all the possibilities that couldn't happen in real life.

Now, Ori was plagued with dreams of being wrapped in a white blanket, warmed by the morning sun and long arms wrapped around her torso, a teasing smile pressed up against her neck as L nuzzled under her jaw and pressed sweet kisses there. She woke up in the middle of the night crying, feeling guilty, cold, and alone.

L didn't talk to her through the cameras anymore. He kept his word and gave her space. He kept his promise and Ori was miserable. She wanted to talk to him, to apologize and beg for everything to go back to normal, but every time she looked at him, the words froze in her lungs and her heart accelerated. She understood the saying about butterflies now.

Misa wasn't any help. Any chance the blond got, she'd try to meddle in their 'relationship' by trying to get them alone, or asking them to go together to get something. Her intentions were clear and usually, it was L who left the room before Ori had the chance. She was grateful on a surface, but underneath in the storm swirling around, she was hurt and angry, mostly with herself. To end all of this, all she had to do was talk to him, but she just... _couldn't_. It was scary, the idea of walking up to him and pouring her heart out to him, even when he did the same just a few days before. She wasn't playing fair, but neither was he.

Working was hard. She couldn't focus and every time they were by themselves, she couldn't stop the images of her gripping the collar of his shirt and yanking him into a kiss. Ori was beginning to think her face was going to end up permanently red. 

She let her head fall on her table with a groan. Maybe the physical pain would distract her from her emotional torment. 

"Why can't I just say that I love you?" She wondered aloud. 

"Maybe because saying what's on your mind isn't your strong suit." Came a grainy voice over a loudspeaker. Ori jumped, letting out a squeak, and found her chair tipping backward. Time moved in slow motion as she fell backward, legs ending up over her head and the back of the chair on the ground. 

"What is wrong with you?!" She hissed like she was afraid of someone else hearing. She could hear L's laughing through the static, and her heart jumped. 

"I'm sorry," not sounding at all apologetic. "I just heard you talking and figured I'd put in my two cents."

"If you want your two cents put in, then do it here where no one else-especially Matsui-will be eavesdropping like a pervert instead of out in the open!" She felt on the verge of hysterics. Still, L just gave a huffing laugh.

"Do you want me to come to your room?" The question was innocent enough, as was the answer, but it was still stuck at the base of her throat. She wanted to talk, more than anything, she wanted to sort all of this out and come to an understanding, but talking was also the issue. Putting feelings into words when it counted wasn't something Ori was particularly good at, especially in person. 

"Honey? Are you all right?" The concern in his voice was easy to pinpoint, but that only made it harder. 

Swallowing down the growing uneasiness in her chest, Ori looked up at the camera, taking in a deep breath.

"Yeah, can you come up here?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "We accept the love we think we deserve."  
> -Stephen Chbosky


	30. Just Tell Me (Part 2)

"Yeah, can you come up here?" L's audio barely picked up the sound, but it felt loud, booming, in his ears. He slipped his headphones off and looked over at Light, who was going over the newest batch of murdered criminals. His face was impassive as he worked, but L figured that was because he knew L was watching.

"Light, can you take care of it from here?" Light looked up, then look at the computer monitor, then looked at L with a smirk.

"Yeah, I got it." L turned to the monitor and slipped his headphones back on.

"I'll be right there, Honey." The nickname slipped past his mouth and he felt himself freeze. Ori didn't appear to react, and L took that as a sign that he could relax. He turned off the monitor and audio, then made his way to the elevator.

The ride up was painfully long and silent. For a long time, L liked the quiet, but now he was too used to Ori's rambunctious behavior. Silence now felt empty and expansive. It almost made the elevator too big.

He couldn't deny that this constant back and forth was becoming tiresome. He knew how Ori felt and Ori knew how he felt, but that didn't make it any less stressful. This could be L's first romantic relationship, but he didn't know about Ori. She never talked about old significant others, but she was smart and extremely attractive, not to mention she was just fun to be around. She was temperamental now, yes, but that was due to Vivian's death and the stress of the Kira Case. 

He knew Ori was tired too. He knew she just wanted this over with so they could move on with the case, but they needed to have this conversation. They needed to have this talk and figure out what they wanted to be to each other.

When the elevator finally dinged and the doors slid open, L's heart jumped into his throat. His hands were shaking and he thought his legs would give out. Sucking in a deep breath, he exited the elevator and made his way to Ori's room. The hallway felt longer than usual, doors and walls stretched until L thought he'd never make it to her room. Until he did. 

The blank white paint stared back at him, his hand hovering just over it, ready to knock. Why couldn't he do it? He was L, and yet he couldn't knock on one girl's door. How pathetic could he get?

Steeling his nerves, he knocked once, and then knocked again. The door opened almost immediately, and there was Ori, red-faced and beautiful. Her freckles were a splash of paint across her cheeks and nose, darkened by her blush. 

"Hey," she said, sounding breathless.

"Hey," he replied smartly. L had never felt so speechless before, and yet here he was, completely tongue-tied like a fool.

"Come on in," Ori said, stepping aside and opening the door wider to let L walk through. He stepped inside, his heart pulsating in his ears. The air was still with tension. In other words, it was extremely awkward. L didn't know what to do, and he didn't think Ori did either.

"Listen-" Ori started, but L interrupted. It was rude, but L needed to put in his two cents first, otherwise, he felt like he was going to spontaneously combust. 

"I love you." He said. Ori's already red face was becoming that of a strawberry.

"I love how smart and attentive you are. I love how you just seem to understand what I mean. I love how I'm able to have a conversation with you without wanting to stab my eyes out." She let out a soft chuckle. 

"I love your laugh and how cheerful it was." _Was_ , not _is_. He needed her to laugh like she used to.

"I love how strong you are and how strong you try to be." He was stepping closer until she had to tilt her head up to look him in the eye.

"I love how you trusted me enough to let me comfort you about Vivian, even when I didn't know what I was doing." She laughed wetly; the sound reverberated through his heart and made his stomach flutter. Tears were streaming down her face. She opened her mouth, but all that came out was a high pitched squeak. L's own eyes felt wet. Her red flush went all the way down to the collar of her shirt.

"You-you can't just say things like that." She wiped her eyes with the back of her hand.

"I just did." He said slyly. It was odd. For his entire life, L simply felt like a robot, solving cases and then moving onto the next one in a monotonous schedule and rhythm. He felt human for the first time, as cheesy as it sounded.

"I don't know what I'm doing." She whispered in a ragged voice.

"Me neither, but we're smart; we'll figure it out."

"Can I hug you?" She asked tentatively after a few seconds of silence. L didn't even waste time coming up with an answer. Instead, he grabbed her hand and pulled her flush against him. He wrapped his arms around her shoulders. Her arms came up to his middle, clenching the fabric of his shirt between her fingers. His mind went back to their kiss just a few days earlier. How pliable and soft her mouth had been. He wanted to kiss her again, but not without her permission, not until she was more comfortable with sharing her feelings both physically and verbally.

"Tell me again." She said; L didn't need to ask what she meant.

"I love you."

"Again."

"I love you." She nuzzled into his chest, humming in contentment.

"One more time." L laughed, causing Ori to pout.

"How many more times are you going to make me say it?"

"Just one more." L huffed and tucked his chin under her jaw.

"I love you." Ori chuckled. Her eyes were drooped and L could tell she was getting tired. 

"Do you wanna lie down?" L asked. Ori blinked at him, her chin rested against his chest.

"Yeah, I haven't been able to sleep a whole lot lately." L frowned. He felt like it was his fault that Ori hadn't been able to sleep. Maybe if he hadn't put so much pressure on her then she would've been able to rest her mind . But this was also the perfect opportunity to come up with an excuse to cuddle with her.

"Come on, I'll stay with you while you fall asleep." He combed a hand through her hair, fingers slipping between the soft locks. It was strange how her hair could be so curly and yet so silky at the same time. What kind of conditioner did she use?

"Hmm?" She raised a brown and hummed dryly. L laughed and planted a kiss on her forehead. 

"Don't worry, I'm not going to do anything. Just sleep." They slipped under the covers and Ori snuggled close into his chest. Her nose sunk into his collar bone. L continued to comb through his hair and rubbed her back. It wasn't long before she fell asleep.

With his heart full and mind at ease, L let himself sink into a dream or two.

The Kira Case could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "It is not a lack of love, but a lack of friendship that creates unhappy marriages."  
> -Friedrich Nietzsche


	31. Operation: Infiltrate Misa (Part 1)

Being in a relationship was weird. Not a bad weird, definitely a good weird, but having someone come up behind Ori and hug her around the waist while she's checking her notes wasn't something she's used to. It was nice, just surprising.

"Honey, I need you to spend some time with Misa." Ori dropped her plate of cake on the table. The glass clattered on the wooden surface, but luckily it didn't break. She said nothing, just stared at him, hoping the look of heartbreak would make him change his mind. He turned to her with a sympathetic face.

"I know you don't like her, but you're probably the only one here she considers a friend. I just need you to kind of infiltrate and report back to me."

"So I'm gonna be your little hand maid?" She asked with a smirk.

"Don't even joke. Besides, you're more like a spy." Ori stood up from her seat and came up behind his chair. 

"I'm a ninja?" She asked in a hushed tone. 

"That's not what I said." L commented, but it was too late. Ori threw her arms over L's shoulders and rested her chin on his shoulder.

"I wanna be a ninja."

"Then be a ninja." L turned his head to kiss her temple, making her heart leap. "Just go hang out with Misa for a while, then let me know if anything happens. I'll get you a case of Mnt Dew when you're do-"

"I'm gonna go see what Misa's up to. See ya later!" Ori was already at the door and leaving before L was done speaking. He smiled at her display.

_Always ready for just about anything._

<> <> <>

Misa wanted to like Orien-or Maggie as she was calling herself-she really did. But she was rude and distant and clearly didn't like Misa, which was outrageous because _everyone_ liked Misa. She was kind and pretty and tried to get along with everyone.

So it was strange when Ori knocked on Misa's door, asking if they could hang out.

"I'm sorry I was rude earlier. My mom passed away recently and I had a lot on my mind, not to mention I don't really care for touching. You really helped me out earlier, so thanks." Orien said when Misa opened the door. At least she had the sense to look ashamed of herself.

"Oh, it's all right," Misa waved her off with a bright-fake-smile. "It's all water under the bridge." Orien visibly relaxed. "So you said you wanted to hang out, is there anything you want to do?" She shook her head, and Misa felt a pang of annoyance. This girl was so lucky she was in love with L and not Misa's Light.

Misa scanned over Ori's attire. Black ripped jeans and an oversized shirt with some band's logo on it. Her black boots were untied at the top. 

She seemed too delicate and small to be wearing clothes like these, even if she was taller than Misa.

"Come in, I have an idea." She raked her eyes up and down Orien's figure one more time, and the girl's face visibly paled.

"You know, on second thought-" she was caught off by Misa grabbing her hand and yanking her into her room. Orien's startled yelp was drowned out by the sound of the door closing. 

"Listen, Maggie, you're too cute to be walking around in such ratty clothing."

"Misa, I really don't think this is necessary."

"Nonsense. I have the perfect clothes for you. Nothing too girly, but definitely cleaner." She rifled through her clothes, pulling out shirts and pants. She wanted to gives her dresses and skirts to put on, just to make her angry, but Light made it very clear that they had to get along, so Misa would have to do her best to make Ori feel comfortable around her.

She threw three different button-downs and three different pairs of jeans at Orien, who let them fall on the floor.

"For real, we could just go to a café or something."

"Nope." Misa could see the sweat prickling at Orien's neck. She was stepping back towards the door, but Misa had locked it. If scaring Orien needed to happen for them to become 'friends', then so be it.

Misa launched forward and wrapped her slim fingers around Orien's wrist and tugged her towards Misa's bathroom. 

"Just put on the clothes and come out when you're done. And there aren't any windows so escape is impossible."

She closed the door behind Ori and jumped on her bed. She looked in the mirror and huffed. Her mascara was smudged under her eyes. She took a wipe and rubbed at the black until it gave way to her porcelain skin. She continued to admire herself in the mirror.

_I wish I had freckles like Ori._ But she didn't want _Ori's_ freckles, not the ones that splashed over her entire face, just the ones that sprinkled over her cheeks and nose. Maybe Light would find that cute. Sure, Orien's freckles were mostly over her nose and cheeks, but Misa could see the dots that went up over her eyelids and forehead. It made it look like someone had taken a paintbrush and just shook it over her face. Misa didn't think it was attractive at all. 

It was clear that L didn't care about looks as much as Light clearly did, which was dumb. Misa, of course, got lucky, since Light was both smart _and_ attractive. Misa didn't know how smart Ori was, but there was no way she was smarter than Light. No one was smarter than Kira.

<> <> <>

L had a bad feeling when he saw Misa pulled Ori into her room and close the door. He gave them as much privacy as he could and didn't turn on the mics, or peak in on Ori while she was changing in the bathroom, which would've been just morally wrong, even if they were dating, but he was worried about the kind of thing Misa was pulling Ori into. If Misa really was Kira 2, then Light would be telling Misa two try and get along with Ori, and that could lead to Ori being more resilient when it comes to her wanting to find Misa guilty. He wanted to pull her out, just to make sure she wouldn't get brainwashed, but she had to do this and he had to trust her. Ori was too stubborn to just let a few good interactions change her mind.

"Please don't mess this up." He whispered. Light was sitting nearby and tilted his head in L's direction.

"What was that?"

"Nothing. I need to go to my own room to check something. Stay here, please." Light nodded but didn't speak, and L went to the elevator to go to his room. He had to find a way to convict Misa of something so he can interrogate her further. He just hoped that Ori wouldn't be too angry when it happened.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “There will come a time when it isn't 'They're spying on me through my phone' anymore. Eventually, it will be 'My phone is spying on me'.”  
> ― Philip K. Dick


	32. Operation: Infiltrate Misa (Part 2)

"Clothing fibers, hair follicles, nail clippings..." L droned on, chewing on a granola bar. He wanted to check on how Ori was doing, but he had to stay in his room and get all the evidence to find a way to convict Misa of something. He'd have to do it when Light is at school. She'll most likely follow him or show up during his lunch break. She certainly seemed like the type.

Watari was standing off somewhere to the side pouring a cup of tea

"Maybe I can frame her for having drugs or something. I can have her in an area of the hotel with cameras all over the place. She'll stay there until she confesses."

"Will Ms. Cobb agree to that?" Watari asked. He set the tea down next to L and he took a long sip.

"Whether she agrees or not doesn't matter. We have to do this."

"All I'm hearing is that you won't be telling her." The old man said. L felt himself jolt, his tea sloshing around in his cup. Ori would either hate it or be completely on board, no in-between. She was complex and hard to figure out, but that much was clear. Since the Vivian incident, she's become much more readable, but L wasn't sure if that was a good thing. 

<> <> <>

The jeans were very much the problem. The shirts were fine, they were a little big and the ends of the sleeves hung around Ori's fingers, but the pants were a different story. Misa was built very differently compared to Ori. Despite being shorter than Ori, Misa had longer limbs than her. Her waist was much thinner than Ori's, but her chest and bottom were bigger. So the jeans were too long, too slim, too wide, and too tight all at once. She tossed them aside and they landed on the side of the tub, then looked back at her reflection in the mirror. 

Ori had never had an issue with her body image; she thought that everyone was built the way they were supposed to be, as long as they were healthy, but looking in the mirror now, trying on Misa's pants, she looked like a child. 

She yanked her jeans back on and slipped a blue button-down shirt on over her _Led Zepplin_ shirt. She tried to fix her scowl, but all it did was lessen by a fraction. This case wasn't good for her patience.

Whatever.

Misa wasn't happy with Ori's appearance. In fact, Ori was sure she was even _more_ displeased.

"How do you look even _more_ like a street rat?" She seethed. Ori waved her off, crushing down the displeasing feeling spreading throughout her body.

"It's not my fault you're pants don't fit me. I can always grab my own."

"No! I don't trust your sense of style."

"That's rude."

"It's true. Come on, we're going shopping." She hooked her arm around Ori's and dragged her to the door. She heard the click of a lock and the soft creaking of the door drifting open and snapping shut, and she was in the hallway. Childish panic set in and Ori was screaming for L's help.

"L! Save me! Don't let it end like this! I'm sorry for anything I've done wrong; I promise I won't do it again! Forgive meeeeeeeee!!" She continued to shout. At some point, they stopped at the kitchen and Misa shoved two cookies in her mouth and three more in her hand.

"It'll be less painful if you'd just calm down. This will be so much fun. A girl's day!"

The word shook through Ori's core. 

_Girl's day. Girl's day. Girl's day._ The words sounded more like warnings than something to be cheerful about. 

_Save me, L._

<> <> <>

L was busy writing out his report. He needed things to be as detailed as possible if he was going to be faking a drug catch.

<> <> <>

Light just wanted quiet. Ori was shouting and Matsui was pestering him about how great he thought 'Misa-Misa' was. It was sickening. 

_You're a grown man, Matsui, that's repulsive._

He did his best to drown them all out, but with them and Ryuk's continuous jabbering and cackling, he was on the verge of a mental breakdown. 

_Part of me's tempted to just write all their name's down right now._

<> <> <>

"And this one, and this one, and this one, and this one, and th..." her voice droned on. Ori was sure she was going to commit a murder. 

Her arms were heavy with jeans and leggings. It was weird why there were so many different pairs; they all looked exactly the same. If Misa was giving her three or four pairs, it wouldn't be such an issue, but here was Ori, struggling to hold over eight pairs of jeans and five pairs of leggings, in the middle of a store where people were beginning to stare. 

"Ooo~! You need some shorts too to go with the leggings. You have nice thighs and a nice butt, so I think you could pull it off."

"Don't just say things like that in public!" Ori hissed, face searing. It was probably red and clashing with the white walls and carpeting. Weird that a store had white carpeting when people would be walking all over it with their dirty shoes. But what was weirder was that the carpet was still pristine and white.

"Why don't we grab something to carry this shit in?" Ori said carefully. Misa turned on her, assessing the clothes piled so high in Ori's arms, she was having a hard time looking over them.

"That might actually be a good idea," Misa said with a high pitched laugh. Ori was tempted to drop the clothes and leave. 

"How did you meet Raito?" Ori asked. Almost an hour had gone by and Ori hadn't asked anything about her and Raito and the killings.

"At a café," Misa said in a dreamy voice. "I was eating a sundae and when I went to leave, we bumped into each other. Light apologized and asked me for my number. That was a few months ago. We texted back and forth until he asked me to come to his house and asked me out there. We've been dating ever since."

Every single thing she said was a lie except for what she said about Raito asking her out at his house. Why would she lie? Was the real answer sad and embarrassing and Misa wanted something more romantic? Or were they both in cahoots and Raito was Kira and Misa was Kira 2?

They weren't at the store for much longer. Misa seemed to understand right away that Ori wasn't a fan of dresses and skirts-though that might've been because of what she walked to her room in-and picked out jeans, shorts, leggings, and an overabundance of flannel shirts and plain t-shirts. Ori had a lot of flannel already, but when she told Misa, she just waved her off and told her that she needed nicer shirts, whatever that meant. 

"Do you have shoes other than the ones you're wearing?" She asked with a disgusted curl of her upper lip. Ori rolled her eyes and clenched her fists around the cart full of clothes. There was a strip of tile for the carts to go over smoothly, which was very appreciated.

"Yeah, I have converses." Ori knew that her boots looked ragged, untied, and falling around her ankles, but that was because that was just because Ori had been too lazy to tie them, and they dug into her ankles if she wore them too long.

"What made you fall in love with Raito? He's not the most romantic person around."

"I don't know, he's just so smart, and he _does_ care, even if he doesn't show it. It also helps that he's handsome."

That part was true, or at least Misa thought it was true. That was the trouble in searching for when people were lying. Ori had to rely on what the person thought was a truth or a lie.

"How long have you two been dating?"

"About two months." She answered breezily. Another truth.

_Two months? That means they got together just a few days after the Kira 2 tapes. Kira 2 was looking for Kira, and then just stopped out of nowhere._

Could _Misa be Kira 2?_

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The possession of knowledge does not kill the sense of wonder and mystery. There is always more mystery."  
> -Anais Nin


	33. Heart and Soul

The moment Ori collapsed on her bed and she sunk deep into the dark red comforter, the muscles all sighed in relief. Shopping with Misa had been both physically _and_ mentally exhausting. Ori had thought that Misa talking to her about how she felt about L meant that Misa wasn't all that bad. But being dragged to a 'boutique', forced to try on all the clothes as soon as they got back to Misa's room, and being examined like a mannequin in a store window had her feeling differently. Ori didn't even know if Misa was doing it on purpose, or if she was just that clueless and ignorant. 

Her door creaked open and soft footsteps padded over the soft carpeting. The spot next to her dipped lower and long fingers carded through her hair, blunt nails gently brushing over her scalp. It sent pleasant tingles dancing over the skin and she leaned into L's touch.

"I got some stuff." She said. Her mouth felt lax and loose. She probably sounded like she'd been pumped full of morphine.

"Oh yeah?" L asked, the humor clear in his voice. "What'd you get?" Ori moved her head to the side so that she could talk clearer. L was lying on his side, propped up by his elbow, a teasing smirk on his face.

"Misa told me that she and Raito met at a coffee shop and that they'd bumped into each other, and exchanged phone numbers, but that had been a lie. She told me that Raito had asked her to come over, which was another lie, but she said that they started dating at his house, which was true." Her mind felt hazy. If L kept stroking her hair like that, she was for sure going to fall asleep.

"Anything else?" He asked. Ori hummed her confirmation. She struggled to move her mouth and opening it felt like a pain.

"She said they started dating two months ago... just after-... after Kira 2 showed up... they probably started dating before Kira 2 told everyone they'd stop searching for Kira..." her eyes drifted closed again, sinking even further into the bed.

"That makes sense. She was telling the truth, right?" Ori held up a weak thumbs up. L patted her head twice.

"Good job, Honey. That really helps." She hummed again, rolling onto her back and holding out her arms. She grabbed at him like a child until he lied down all the way and wrapped his arms around her waist and nuzzled under her jaw. 

"Sorry you had to deal with her all day, and that you had to play dress up." His mouth moved against her skin, causing her to shiver. 

"I have more jeans than I'll ever need in my lifetime." She said, her own hands drifting over L's mess of raven black hair. It didn't always look like it, but he did shower. His hair was surprisingly soft as it stuck every which way.

"At least you won't have to do laundry all the time." L chimed. Ori nodded. She let herself drift. L's weight was comfortable as he tucked his body along with hers, his feet ending up further away, which was fine. Ori didn't like feet.

"She almost made me get new shoes. If this is what having siblings is like, then I'm glad I was an only child." L was silently drawing circles over Ori's hip bone. She could feel his lips purse against her neck. She could tell he wanted to say something but was holding back. Was it something about his past? Something he wasn't supposed to tell her.

The clock on her wall ticked and tocked. The seconds dragged by as Ori waited for L to speak. She eventually let her eyes slip closed and sucked in a deep breath before letting it out slowly.

"They aren't always bad." He said. 

<> <> <>

L wasn't waiting for Ori to fall asleep to speak; he knew that she was still awake. He couldn't go into detail about his life before he became the world's greatest detective, no matter how much he wanted to, but he could share the bare minimum. 

He wanted to share his life with her. He wanted to share everything and let her know everything, the way she'd done. He wanted to tell her about Near and Mello. He wanted to tell her that he was an orphan two, that Watari had taken him in with the others to ease the pain in his chest. He'd been much younger than Ori when his parents died, so he could never truly comprehend the pain she'd felt, especially when she was so close to Vivian, but he could at least...

He could at least try.

He'd tell her everything he remembers about them. From his mother's horrible skills in the kitchen to his father's brilliant mind he inherited. He'd tell her about the way his mother would sing him to sleep in Russian. The way his father would tell him stories of Italy. The gondolas and clear water that glowed teal against the golden lights at night when the sky was dark and dotted with white stars. The beaches covered in white sand warmed by the sun. He'd share all of it with Ori if he could. He'd hold nothing back. He'd show her Italy, he'd show her Russia and France and England. He'd take her anywhere she wanted to go. He'd give in to every desire she had, earthly or otherwise. 

But he couldn't. Not yet. Not while Kira was possibly behind the same walls as them. Not while too much was at stake.

Was being in a relationship now even a good idea? Was it smart to pull her in so close, to drown himself in something that could potentially fall apart the moment everything was over? Could he really do that to Ori? Could he really do that to himself? Was he so selfish to let her believe that-for certain-everything could work out for them?

Maybe not, but for now he'd believe it himself. Lawliet would give all of his heart to Ori until she didn't want it anymore. He'd give his mind and body to the Kira Case.

But his heart and soul belonged to Orien Nanase.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength, while loving someone deeply gives you courage."  
> -Lao Tzu


	34. The Capturing of Misa Amane

Light was pleased when L asked him to keep going to school. He hadn't shown up in a while, not that his professors would care, but him going could help L see that he couldn't be Kira if he was such a good student and did all of his work. Ryuk hated the idea. Well, more like he hated school. He still went on about school being boring and how he couldn't eat any apples there. 

Misa was also an issue. She was constantly begging Light to stay at the hotel or leather go to school with him. Matsui had to remind her that she still had photoshoots and modeling to do.

So Light really shouldn't have been surprised when she showed up at Todai during his lunch break.

"Light!" She shouted. She was so loud, all the time. Light internally thanked Ori for keeping Misa busy for as long as she did.

She came running down the sidewalk, a wide small stretched over her face. Her blond pigtails swung around her head in the most irritating of ways.

"What are you doing here, Misa? I'm at school." He fought to keep the irritation from his voice.

"I know, but I was on a break, and when I saw the time, I realized that you were on lunch." Light wanted to ask how she knew his schedule, but he refrained. With a silent sigh, he turned and cracked his neck. It felt so stiff.

"All right, let's go-"

"KYAA!" He was cut off by a sudden scream. He whipped around to see a number of men in all black restraining Misa. People were beginning to look at them, and when they saw Misa, a crowd began to gather.

"Is that Misa Amane?"

"No way! Misa-Misa?" Light could hear people talking amongst themselves, but Light was quiet. He was fuming on the inside; he knew L was behind this, no way anyone else would be in charge of arresting Misa.

"Misa Amane, you are under arrest for the possession of illegal drugs." A man shoved a white piece of paper covered in words in her face. Misa, understandably, looked confused and alarmed. 

"Wait a minute-" they shoved a back over her head and cuffed her wrists together behind her back. Light watched as they hauled her away. They went around the corner, and then they were gone.

L was ruining everything. 

<> <> <>

Ori didn't want to wake up. She wanted to stay asleep, wrapped in her blankets, but she had work to do, they all did, so with a disgruntled grown, she detangled herself from her sheets and tripped into the bathroom. She felt like she hadn't showered in days. 

She turned on the shower and stripped off her clothes, catching sight of the scar running down her back. The skin was raised where it was been ripped apart, like a mountain range. It cut through the spray of freckles on her back, rough and dark on her skin. 

With a slow-moving hand, she brushed her fingers over the scar. The skin was sensitive, but touching it didn't hurt. It was kind of tingly. Showering with it was painful sometimes, the powerful streams of water on sensitive skin wasn't her favorite thing in the world, but she dealt with it, she just had to remember to turn down the heat every once in a while. 

Stepping into the shower, Ori let the water splash over her face and hair. It tangled and grew heavy around her hips. It'd gotten long. She had never really noticed. Most of the time, she had her hair tied up in a loose bun at the nape of her neck. Maybe she should cut it, though L did seem to like it long.

Her face flushed and she threw the thought from her mind. 

_I should just focus on getting clean._ She ran her loofa over her skin, sudsing it and almost completely hiding whatever freckles had been there. When she was clean, she tilted her head back and let the water run over her face once more. The bathroom was quiet aside from the spray of water echoing off the walls. 

Ori usually didn't like quiet; it was too empty and vast, but the shower was peaceful, she could either think of everything or think of nothing. There was no such thing as the Kira Case in the shower. She could pretend that when she opened the door again, Vivian would be standing on the other side with a smile, warm and genuine.

Of course, that wasn't realistic. As soon as Ori left the bathroom, she'd be thrust back into the case and Vivian wouldn't be there. She had to go back to the real world at some point, but she didn't want to yet. She wanted just a few more minutes of solitude and peace.

That didn't last long though. She was clean and just wasting water at this point. She turned off the shower, her overly long bangs dripping water on the floor. Maybe Watari knew a barber or something.

She threw on a pair of jeans and a too big t-shirt. Ori didn't know if the jeans she was wearing were an old pair or one of the dozens Misa had made her get; most of her jeans all looked the exact same. They felt new, so maybe they were.

She took the elevator down to the lobby. It was past noon, which felt weird. Had Ori really slept that long? Or was it her shower that took up most of the time? 

Ori walked into the lobby and froze. On the monitor was something that chilled her to the bone, it bordered on horrifying and sadistic. 

It was Misa, bound and blindfolded, wearing practically nothing but rags. Even from far away, Ori could see her legs shaking with the effort to hold herself up. How long had she been there? 

Her eyes locked on L, he was talking into a mic, asking Misa questions about Kira and the tapes. Misa wasn't talking, however, she remained silent. Maybe it was the forensic light shining down on her, but she looked deathly pale. Her healthy blond hair now looked white.

"What the _fuck_ is that?" She snapped. Everyone turned to look at her but L. Matsui looked scared while the chief and Aizawa looked like they had seen this coming. 

"It's business." Came L's flat voice. "We're finding Kira."

"And what? You couldn't bother to keep me in the loop. You have three minutes to explain yourself." Her blood felt hot and rushing, and cold and frozen all at once. Her back ached and her head pounded. 

"Chief Yagami, could you and the others please go to another room?" The chief nodded and motioned for Matsui and Light to go to another room while Aizawa whispered something in L's ear, then they were all gone.

"You said I had three minutes, right?" He asked. 

"Starting now." His eyes were empty and dark in the dim light. It was a haunting look that Ori wanted to cast from her memory. L turned away from her briefly to turn off the microphone, then he looked at her once more.

"Okay. Three minutes."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Ever has it been that love knows not its own depth until the hour of separation."  
> -Kahlil Gibran


	35. Are You A Leech?

"Okay. Three minutes." His voice was unusually cold. Ori didn't like how it sounded coming from his mouth. It sounded like she was wasting his time.

"I'm holding Misa in a confinement cell to interrogate her until she reveals herself as Kira 2 and Light as Kira. Happy?" He turned his back on her, sitting down again. Ori's eyes were wide with disbelief. 

"Happy? How could I be happy with that? You didn't tell me anything. I was completely in the dark."

"That's what you're upset about? I thought you'd be more concerned about Misa's well-being." His back was still facing her. She surged forward and turned his chair around. In his crouched position, he was almost as tall as her.

"I'm more than aware of the steps we have to take to find Kira and whoever may be on their side, but I thought we were a team. How could you not tell me anything about this? Did you think I would just let this fly and be okay with it? I'm not just another-"

"Another what, Ms. Cobb?" L rose to his full height. His back wasn't arched and he wasn't drooped. He stood tall over her, casting her in his suddenly huge shadow. "You're not just another employee? You forget that I am your boss. I am in charge of the Kira Case and anyone who resides in it."

"So you're in charge of me now? I'm not Matsui, Ryuzaki! I'm not just gonna roll over because you told me to. Did seeing how Misa acts around Raito change something? Did you think that because we're dating I should fawn over you and worship the very ground you walk on?" She was hurt beyond words, and she was saying hurtful things, but she couldn't stop them. They flowed out of her like a never-ending waterfall.

"If you really think I'd expect that from you, you're not as smart as I gave you credit for." He stepped forward, forcing Ori to step back. What was going on? Why was all of this happening?

"Why haven't you told me you loved me yet?" His question was like a smack in the face. Ori was left breathless and gaping like a fish gasping for air. 

"What?" 

"I've told you I loved you. I told you I loved everything about you, and not once have you said it back. I've been patient. I know you're going through a hard time, and I know the Kira Case isn't easy for you, but I think I deserve an explanation." Ori didn't know what to say. Her heart was breaking and no words would come from her mouth. She couldn't think; her mind was racing too fast to form a coherent sentence.

"I-" was all that came out.

"Do you even love me? Or was all of this some sick game to you? You looked up to me, right? Was all of this some goal of yours? To get 'the great L' to fall in love with you? Or were you so broken over Vivian and desperate for someone that you just latched onto the first person available like a leech?" Tears were streaming down Ori's face. Her heart was completely shattered. How could- what made-

"Who are you, L?" She asked. Her brows furrowed back and she tilted her head. Her question seemed to throw him off. "Are you a fucking robot or something? Are you even human? I don't understand-" her voice cracked. "I just wanted you to trust me enough to tell me when you were planning to tie up a nineteen-year-old girl and hold her for questioning. I'm not _stupid_. I know that not everything about this case can be sunshine and rainbows, but I thought that you'd at least respect me enough to keep me in the loop." Her hands were shaking. She curled them into fists, hoping against hope that the real L would come bursting through the doors, tell her the person in front of her was an imposter, and sweep her off her feet like some fairy tale prince.

"I wanted to be someone you could rely on." Sobs peaked through her words as if opening a curtain. "I'm not a leech. I didn't just... _latch_ onto you to make myself feel better, and I was never planning on seducing you. I had to listen to Misa _fucking_ Amane to understand and accept how I felt about you. I was ready to just bury it down and wait until the case was over to just run away and never see you again because I'm a coward! Love is scary to me, L! I can't just... say it. The last person I loved fucking killed herself and put me in the hospital. I couldn't sleep, I couldn't eat, and you-"

_You took the nightmares away. You made living bearable again. You made the sky bluer and the flowers smell sweeter. As cheesy as it is, I need you._

"I what, Ms. Cobb?" It was like talking to a stone wall. He was completely unphased and as cold as ever. Ori's heart had been crumbled to dust.

_You mean everything to me._

"You've completely wasted my time. Do whatever you want, I don't care anymore. I'm finishing this case, then I don't want to hear from you ever again. You're three minutes are up." Her voice was a deadly whisper, fragile, and yet so poisonous. Ori walked away from him, feeling a new kind of empty. It started in her stomach and spread throughout her entire body. From her fingers and toes, all the way up to her chest felt hollow and numb. But she was still crying. Why was she crying?

' _If you love him, you love him_.' 

_But do I love him?_

' _Why haven't you told me you loved me yet?'_

_I don't know what I want._

' _I've told you I loved you_.'

_What do you want from me?_

_'Do you even love me?'_

_I thought I did, but maybe I was diluting myself. Maybe I was in so much pain I reached out for you. Maybe you were a raft in a storming sea, the only one for miles, and you were so easy to reach. Maybe you were a single light in a dark tunnel, and you were so soft and gentle, so loud in your love while you spoke quietly that you were so easy to hold onto._

_Maybe I am a leech._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "He does something to me, that boy. Every time. It's his only detriment. He steps on my heart. He makes me cry."  
> -Markus Zusak


	36. To Love Is To Be Selfish

Ori tossed and turned that night. She couldn't sleep, and the sleep she _did_ get was interrupted by fits of nightmares and screaming, always her own. 

She dreamed of Vivian holding her by the throat, begging for forgiveness even when her fingers dug into her skin and her nails cut little slits. 

She dreamed of lying in a growing pool of her own blood, hand weakly reaching out for L's retreating figure, calling his name when she knew he would never give her a second glance.

She dreamed of Vivian dancing a blade over her skin while L chanted in her ear, calling her a leech, over and over again until Ori was sure that was the only word she was ever going to hear again.

She dreamed over L holding her in his arms, strong and sure and loving, before suddenly dropping her and walking away, only for Vivian's arms to circle around her. The touch that she had always associated with love and tenderness now burned through her flesh until her eyes snapped open and she couldn't even scream. She wheezed and gasped, stumbling out of bed and crawling to the bathroom. Sweat poured down her face as she flipped the light switch with shaky hands. The tile was cool against her hot hands and legs. She crawled to the toilet and flipped it up before throwing up inside. Her tears were searing and painful, forced out by the pressure in her throat and chest. Her jaw ached and her chest felt like it would collapse. 

When she was finally able to get air again, she sucked it in greedily like a starving man drinking clean water for the first time. 

She was still burning. Still aflame and too hot. 

Ori turned the nozzle over on the bathtub. Coldwater began flowing through the mouth into the plastic canal. Some of the water splashed up the side and hit Ori's arm. She could almost hear the sizzle of evaporation. She didn't even wait to take of her clothes to roll over the side and collapse into the tub. The blessedly cold water crashed over the side.

_A raft in a storming sea._ She thought hazily. Her head pounded and she felt disgusting.

"Ori? Are you all right?" Ori looked at Watari's blurry figure through tired eyes. 

"If Ryuzaki sent you, you can fuck right off, old man." It was like someone else was talking, using her to communicate. Since when had Ori become so hateful? Watari didn't seem to notice or mind, and came closer. He closed the lid of the toilet and pushed down the handle, wrinkled face kind.

"He didn't. I saw that you had woken up several times, then had gone to the bathroom. I was worried. It was like watching a sick patient go mad." She turned her head away from him and looked at the ceiling. Tears welled up in her eyes.

"Did I do something wrong, Watari? Is there something I should've done differently?" He said nothing aside from giving an unhelpful hum. Ori wanted to scream. She wanted to act like a child and throw a tantrum and rant how unfair this was again and again. 

"Is it because I didn't tell him I loved him? Was I really just another employee? Am I a leech?" More tears spilled over. Her eyes were dry and it hurt, yet the tears wouldn't stop. "Was I using him to feel better?"

"I can't say for sure that's the case, but I can tell you that while L's behavior was unacceptable, it wasn't all that surprising." He settled his hand on Ori's sweaty forehead, unbothered by the moisture.

"L is a very prideful man. When the Kira Case first started, he referred to himself as a child who hated to lose, which I think is very accurate, but I also think that he was scared. He was giving his heart to you, and felt like he was getting nothing in return." Ori couldn't even disagree. Watari was right, they both were. L was the one who had comforted her, kissed her, held her when she was mentally and physically exhausted from dealing with Misa, and what had she done in return? Absolutely nothing. 

"The feelings hit me so quickly, I wasn't even sure if they were real or not. I just knew that I liked it when L took care of me." She brought a hand up from the bathwater and raked it over her face and through her hair. "God, I'm selfish."

"I often thought that to love was to be selfish, but seeing the way L is with you has me thinking differently." His tone was meaningful, but it only made Ori feel worse. She looked over at the old man. His eyes were hidden by the glint of the light dancing on his glasses, but his smile was enough.

"Were you ever in love, Watari?"

"Once. A long time ago, long before you were merely a dream in a young woman's heart. I met a man who seemed to hold the sun in his eyes. They were so bright, they were the first things I ever noticed about him, but alas, fate had not allowed us to be together, and he was gone too soon."

"What was his name? Do you remember?" He looked at Ori with a sad smile. Ori could see the years of love and heartbreak behind it. Every tear, every smile, every whisper, and every shout she could see it all in that one smile. Ori wanted someone to smile at her like that, and someone had. Someone had smiled at her like that and she hadn't even mustered up the courage to say the one thing he needed her to say above everything else. 

Watari adjusted his glasses, and Ori could see the beaded tear that was splayed out behind them, shiny and holding every emotion he had ever felt towards his ex-lover. 

"His name was Watari Nakamura."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Love looks not with the eyes, but with the mind, and therefore is winged Cupid painted blind."  
> ― William Shakespeare


	37. Tell The Truth

_His name was Watari Nakamura_. Ori didn't bother sleeping for the rest of the night. She just sat in the bathtub, even after Watari left, that one simple sentence replaying in her mind. 

_His name was Watari Nakamura_. Watari had taken his ex-lover's name as a tribute to his memory, though Ori didn't think Watari would ever forget him by the expression he was wearing. 

The water had turned from cold to room temperature a long time ago, but Ori didn't want to back to her bed. If she lied in her bed, she'd get comfortable and sleepy, if she slept, she'd dream. Ori didn't want to dream. Dreaming meant she'd see him in a light she'd never want to see him in. 

A light she's already seen. A light that made his black eyes look empty and hateful. It took her by surprise every time she thought of it.

Ori was angry and hurt, but she also felt guilty. She'd said things. Nothing as bad as what L had said, but things they could've gone without nonetheless. She remembered the way he had called her 'Ms. Cobb'. Not even Watari called her that anymore. He hadn't even bothered to use her fake name, and Ori wouldn't doubt it if Matsui had been listening on the other side of the door.

The sun peeking through the crack in her blackout curtains told her that morning was already rising over the Kanto Region of Japan. She didn't get out of the bath wet; Ori wasn't ready to face the rest of them when she knows they'll crowd her and pester her to make sure she's okay. The thing was, Ori knew they meant well, and she appreciated that they actually cared, but she wasn't looking for their pity. She just wanted to get this case over with. 

Groaning, Ori pulled herself out of the bath. Water sloshed over the side, running over the tiles. Water dripped from her clothes and hair. She really should've asked Watari if he knew anyone who could cut it. Her curls hung wet and loose and heavy around her waist, already beginning to tangle. She ignored it and went over to the large closet filled with clothes. Lazily, she snatched a pair of leggings and cut off shorts. Her wet jeans hit the carpeted floor with a wet _thud_. Her shoulders were stiff as she brought her shirt over her head, accompanying the pants on the floor. 

Her back was sore from sitting in the same position for so long, but Ori didn't care. Misa was still in that confinement center, no doubt still quiet as L would still be asking her question after question, each attempt in vain. 

Good, let the bastard try and fail for the first time in his life. 

Ori rolled up the sleeves of her flannel, buttons open and revealing her plain gray t-shirt. Ori would never admit out loud that Misa understood what Ori liked pretty well. Was it because she was a model; she must be used to people telling what clothes made her skin bright or some fake shit like that. Lacing up her boots, she tapped the toes on the floor to get her foot to fit more comfortably. Swinging her door open, Ori jumped as Raito's towering figure came into view, casting shadows.

"Raito, what's up?" He tilted his chin at her, head-turning to the side. Bring up a hand, he poked under her eyes.

"You've got bags again." His voice was considering, almost thoughtful. Ori offered a weak chuckle. 

"Yeah, just can't escape 'em, I guess." She rubbed under her eyes, suddenly conscious of the dark purple circles adorning under her eyes. Ignoring them, she looked up to meet Raito's gaze again. "Nevermind me. How are you doing with the whole Misa thing?" _The Misa thing_ was probably the most delicate way she could put it. 

His face visibly fell, his hair hiding his brown eyes. His hair had gotten pretty long too; he was just a few inches away from a mullet. Ori cringed inwardly at the thought.

"It sucks, and I'm scared for her, but I know this is necessary to prove our innocence." Ori's eyes narrowed as she looked at him. He... he was lying. Not about proving their innocence, but about being scared for her. Raito wasn't scared for her, and he was lying about it. What had this case turned in to?

"I'm really sorry, Raito. I'm sure all of this will be over soon." He nodded but didn't look convinced. Ori was still confused as to why Raito was lying about being scared for Misa. Was this all some plan?

Ori hadn't given much thought to the idea that Raito might be Kira since L first brought it up. At first, the thought had seemed as likely as Ori's ability to appreciate abstract art, but now...

The thought didn't seem so insane.

<> <> <>

L was annoyed beyond belief. He was getting nowhere with Misa. She was quiet and only talked when she was hungry or had to go to the bathroom. When L asked her questions about Kira or how he killed, she kept her mouth firmly shut, part of L was beginning to wonder if Misa really was Kira 2. But L couldn't let this gut feeling go. He'd never been wrong before and there was no other answer. Light was Kira and Misa was Kira 2.

Footsteps echoed against the floor and L immediately knew who it was. Ori came into view, her hair slightly damp and scrunching up in twisty curls. L remembered losing his fingers in those locks at Ori slept, the way her face would scrunch when she'd have nightmares before nudging into him more and relaxing. 

L scoffed at her presence, annoyance bubbling up in him. She sat down a few feet away, her pen rolling around the table distractingly. They were the only ones in the room, L had no idea where the others were, and tension was pressing down on them, harder with each passing second. Ori didn't seem to be bothered by it and L shrugged it off. 

The sound of her chair's wheels filled his ear as she came closer. L was prepared for her to reach for him, to speak, but she just grabbed the microphone from next to it and brought it closer to her. When he looked her way, her face was flat and serious, all business. She pressed the button and when she spoke, her tone was that of a motherly figure.

"Misa? It's Maggie, how are you feeling?" At that Misa seemed to perk up.

"Maggie? I want out. Please, let me out!" L knew Ori wasn't fond of Misa, but he honestly expected her to crack. 

"I know this is scary, Misa, but I need you to tell us anything you know about Kira." Misa strained against her bondages. Ori sat on the edge of her seat, brows furrowed but mouth soft. L quickly turned his head back to the screen.

"Please! I don't know anything!"

"You're lying Misa." Ori's tone was flat and authoritative. L had forgotten that she could do that. It really would've gotten rid of a lot of guesswork. 

L's fingers drummed over the table. Misa visibly stiffened. 

"I'm telling the truth."

"Another lie." Ori shuffled in her seat. Her back was straighter and her voice was somehow heavier.

"Misa, tell me the truth. What do you know about Kira?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything."  
> ― Mark Twain


	38. Bite Your Tongue

Misa was quiet after that. It didn't matter how long Ori stayed there or how many times she asked Misa about Kira, the blond kept her mouth shut.

L watched her as she watched the screen but she paid him no mind. 

"Misa-" Ori started, but then stopped. If she wasn't going to talk, then there was nothing Ori could do to make her. She leaned back in her chair, hands dragging over her face. Kicking away from the table, Ori let herself slide across the floor, spinning as she went. She let her legs spread out, the heels of her boots catching on the concrete floor. 

"This isn't going to work." She muttered to herself. "I should try talking to Raito." She went to stand up but was interrupted by the sound of her stomach growling. "Guess food comes first." She got up from the chair, pushing it back over to the table, and made her way to the kitchen. Matsui was found standing in the kitchen with the fridge wide open, Ori had a feeling he'd been standing there for a while. 

"Don't just stand there with the door open, Matsui; you're wasting cold air." He jumped when she spoke. Whirling around with wide eyes, Matsui stared at her, mouth agape. 

"Close your mouth too. You'll catch flies." He gave a nervous chuckle, rubbing the back of his neck. Ori walked over, plucking two eggs from the open fridge door and a bottle of ketchup. She found a pan in a cupboard next to the oven and lit the stovetop. 

The eggs sizzle next to each other in the pan, quickly turning white. Waffles were cooking in the mini waffle makers, the smells making Ori's stomach groan louder. Matsui had left a little bit ago with an apple, which was irritating. All that time spent looking in the fridge like a brain dead monkey, and he walked away with an apple. 

When the waffles were done, Ori tossed them on an empty plate. The giant fried egg was long finished and laid over one of the waffles. She snatched the ketchup from the counter and squeezed it over the egg. This thing would probably give her diabetes, but it would taste good at least. Putting the second waffle over the egg, Ori smiled at her creation. It would kill her for sure, and Vivian would've scolded her for not caring enough about her own health, but Watari'd been making her pretty healthy meals for the last month, so it balanced out. It was all about the laws of equivalent exchange. Ori knew that wasn't what the saying meant, but she found it funny. 

When she walked back into the lobby, L was gone. She sank back into her seat. Misa's legs were shaking violently on screen. If L wasn't there, then someone needed to watch Misa. Raito could wait. 

"Misa, this will all be over if you just tell me what you know about Kira. L's not here, Raito's not here, it's just me." She didn't move, didn't speak. Nothing. 

"Misa, this is only confirming that you know something. You and Raito will be put to death, either way, so just tell me what you know." Now _she_ was the one lying. But if it could get Misa to tell the truth, _anything_ they could use, Ori would lie until her tongue fell off.

"NO!" Misa suddenly screamed. Ori jumped at the sudden noise. "Don't lay a hand on Light; he has nothi-" she cut herself off. She was beginning to understand that Ori could tell when she was lying, but this only made it clearer that Raito was somehow involved if she was trying to say otherwise.

"Were you going to say he had nothing to do with it? That's another lie, Misa. You stopping yourself only proves that." Ori threw out her gentle tone; it was getting her nowhere. She was standing up now, hovered over the mic.

"How is Raito involved? Misa!" Misa was breathing hard clearly hyperventilating. She was panicking, meaning she was looking for a way out. Ori could see Watari in the background, silently creeping closer. 

"Let me go!" Misa shouted. "Let me go! Let me go! Let me go!" She chanted it over and over again, the sound reverberated in her brain. She sounded so desperate, so panicked and terrified that Ori wanted to tell Watari to let her go immediately, but she couldn't do that. It went on for what felt like hours, Misa screaming, tears and snot running down her face from underneath the metal blindfold. Ori didn't know how to make it stop. She didn't know what to do.

Misa suddenly stopped chanting. She fell silent and the room was eerie in its wake. She was breathing hard, Ori too. Where was L? Why wasn't he here? He was the boss, right? So why wasn't he the one interrogating Misa?

"Misa, is Light Kira?" The room was still silent, and Watari was still in the background, now stopped and standing like a stereotypical butler. Honestly, the room reminded Ori of some freaky sex chamber, and seeing Watari and Misa in it together was unsettling. Ori knew he would never do anything, but the image itself was still creepy.

Ori watched, eyes growing wide, as Misa opened her mouth, tongue sliding out past her bottom lip.

"Watari! Put something in her mouth! She's trying to bite her tongue!" Ori wasn't even finished when Watari was ripping off one of his gloves and shoving it into her mouth. She didn't bite her tongue, but her teeth sank into the thin skin of his fingers. Ori winced at the sight of blood oozing from the side of Misa's mouth. Ori's back ached painfully and her head throbbed. She collapsed back into her chair, panting heavily like a dog left outside without water. She cast a glance at her untouched breakfast. It no longer looked appetizing. She pushed the food away, covering her face with her hands, heart racing. She looked at the screen; Watari's hand was still in her mouth. She reached for the mic, still keeping one hand on her face.

"Watari, please use your belt to bind her mouth. I don't want her to keep chewing on your hand like some cheap horror movie zombie." Her voice was tired, her throat felt raw as if she'd been screaming as Misa had. Watari looked at the camera and nodded. His fingers trembled as he undid his belt and stuffed the leather into her mouth and tied it around her head. With a hand on the rim of his pants, holding them up, though Ori didn't think he really needed to, Watari backed away from Misa. 

Rage flooded Ori's mind and veins. Her knuckles were white as they held onto the mic and she whispered into it.

"Watari, where is Ryuzaki?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I lie to myself all the time. But I never believe me."  
> ― S.E. Hinton


	39. I'd Still Love You

L had never known true terror until he heard Ori screaming his name. She sounded enraged and he could tell immediately that something had gone wrong.

He was with Matsui. Not his first choice, but the man had said he needed to talk to L, and it sounded really urgent, so with an annoyed groan, L rose from his seat and followed him. They walked down one of the many halls until they were far from the camera screens.

"Matsuda, what's the meaning of this? I'm busy."

"What's going on between you and Maggie?" His brows were furrowed and his eyes were focused. L wanted to kick him in the face.

"Nothing's going on, and even if there was, it's none of your business." He went to turn around again, but Matsuda caught his arm. 

"Something _is_ going on and it _is_ my business because as long as you and Maggie keep fighting, people are going to continue to die while you two are too angry to pull your heads out of your asses and do something about it!" L sighed and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was tiring.

"Matsuda, I'm not going to let my past relationship with Ms. Cobbs stop me from finding a serial killer."

"I don't buy that. I know you care about her, and I know she cares about you too, but you have to talk."

"There's absolutely nothing to talk about."

"Nothing to talk about?" He whispered in disbelief. "Maggie looks like a wreck, and Watari told me she woke up from nightmares so bad she was throwing up. You can't seriously expect me to agree with you and say that nothing's going on."

"Whatever's going on with Ms. Cobbs, she can figure out on her own."

"She can't figure _anything_ out on her own! Yes, she's brilliant, but she's not even twenty-years-old yet, and her mother was murdered, you're what I'm assuming was her first boyfriend after stressing out over her feelings because _you_ kissed her, then got dumped over God knows what! She was angry because you tied up a girl the same age as her for questioning. Not only do I think that it was more than a little traumatizing, but I'm guessing you never even told her, based on her reaction!" Matsuda was breathing hard, his eyes alive with fire. L chewed on his lower lip.

_I'm more than aware of the steps we have to take to find Kira, but I thought we were a team._

"I never told her." It was like a police confession. Was this how criminals felt after hours of interrogation when they finally cracked? "I didn't tell her anything."

"I figured," Matsuda sneered, "but now how did it escalate to you guys breaking up?" L almost didn't want to say it. No, he _definitely_ didn't want to say it. Talking to Matsuda only made him feel like an asshole. He fell against the wall, covering his eyes 

"I called her a leech, I accused her of not loving me because she hadn't said it yet, and I basically told her I was in charge of her." He didn't want to see the look on Matsuda's face, though, he'd rather talk to Matsuda than Cheif Yagami; L was sure he'd end up with a black eye.

"Because she wanted you to trust her? And as for her not saying the L-word, I'm pretty sure loving you is the hardest thing she can do. You do realize that the last person she loved was her mother, right? She's probably terrified that you were going to vanish or die because of Kira."

_The last person I ever loved fucking killed herself and put me in the hospital._

"And you're not in charge of her. You're her boss, not her owner. She doesn't belong to you and neither does anyone on the Task Force. We're here to find Kira, nothing else."

"RYUZAKI!!!" The scream shot through the air, bringing instant silence with it. It was unmistakenly Ori's voice. L took his hand away from his face, seeing Ori marching towards them, hair swinging around her as if performing a complicated dance only she knew, catching gold in the lights. She looked frightening and beautiful, like some sort of Greek Goddess; L couldn't tear his eyes away. Matsuda patted him on the shoulder, whispering in his ear and then walking away.

"Good luck, man, but I'm not stickin' around for this." And like a scared squirrel, he was gone. Ori only drew closer, her sea eyes bright with rage. Truly frightening. Even though she was a good eight inches shorter than him, she was able to get him down to her level by grabbing the collar of his shirt and yanking him down. He stumbled, struggling to catch his balance.

"What is wrong with you?! Are you a fucking idiot?! Why weren't you with Misa?! We almost lost all chances of interrogating her!"

"What?" He asked dumbly. That only seemed to make Ori angrier and she shoved him into the wall. 

"She tried to bite her _mothefucking_ tongue off. Watari had to shove his glove in her mouth and got bit! She broke the skin, L!" She was seething. So angry her face was flushed high on her cheekbones. Her freckles were dark against the pink of her face. Gold flecks white. 

"Matsuda had to talk to me."

"Matsuda would try to drag you away for a game of Old Maid. He'd ask you to leave to show you a magazine of Misa without her being there." She jabbed him in the chest, hard. "You're our boss, _right_?" She spat out. "You're in charge of the Kira Case and anyone who resides in it, aren't you? That _includes_ your suspects. You have a _job_ , and people are _dying_." L focused on her mouth as she talked. It was plush and pink and he could see faint freckles dotting her upper lip. He watched the way her lips moved quickly, harsh movements that had him collapsing into her. It felt like he was breathing clean air for the first time. He drowned himself in her body wash, pushed himself into it. He'd gone too far before. He'd said things he hadn't meant and he wouldn't be able to take them back no matter how much he wanted to. She'd always have that memory of him in her mind, even if he tried to bury it beneath all the love he could afford to give, but he could try all the same. He could love her here or anywhere else. He'd love her with his dying breath and each breath he took while he was still living. He'd love her the way the moon loves the stars and how the fish love the sea. How the birds love the breeze they fly through and how Gaia loved Tarturas. He'd love her when she pushed him away and if she pulled him close. He'd love her if Kira won and when Kira lost.

He gathered her in his arms, his mouth mashed against hers, greedily swallowing any surprised noise she was about to make. He had one hand cradling her jaw and the other hugging her close by the hips. He could push every ounce of his feelings into this kiss if he tried, but he didn't want to. L wanted her to know he loved her with each kiss. With each caress, both lazy and urgent. With each tear she let fall and each one she tried to hold back. He'd let her feel it all, every time she needed and wanted. 

Tears were falling now, but it was hard to tell who they belonged to. L didn't care, he needed her to know that while he may lash out at her again, he'd never truly mean it. He'd always come crawling back for forgiveness until she kicked him out for good. All the things he couldn't say, every single word that he couldn't help but hold back, he'd push into his actions until she wanted nothing from him anymore. He knew that day would come. Sooner or later, she'd want him out of her life forever, but as far as he knew, that day wasn't there yet. They were still them, and he belonged to her. Even when she wouldn't want him. 

So he continued to hold her close, not letting go until all his actions were received and understood.

The Kira Case could wait.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If I had a flower for every time I thought of you...I could walk through my garden forever."  
> ― Alfred Tennyson


	40. I Can't Stop

Hot. Ori was too hot. The hands that held her close, flush against L's body were hot, his mouth was hot. Even the tears that fell were hot. Ori thought the tears belonged to her, but she wasn't completely sure. 

She was so confused. Just earlier, she'd seen L giving her to most blank stare she'd ever gotten from him, it was worse than when they'd first met. Now he was kissing her like the world was about to end. Was this was Matsui was talking to him about? Was he trying to set them straight?

She let herself fall into the kiss, grappling for his shirt and twisting it in her hands. A voice in the back of her mind told her that it was wrong. That L had hurt her and would do it again given the chance. But with L's lips on hers, sure and hot, the voice was drowned out. 

Their position was awkward with L stooped down lower than usual, and he scooped her up. Her legs wrapped around his waist as he pushed her against the wall, devouring her once more. He tasted like sugar and strawberries. He always would.

Ori didn't know the meaning behind this. She didn't know what this would turn into or what to think about it. But she didn't want to think. For just a few moments, she wanted to stop thinking. She just wanted to feel L's hands cupping her jaw, gentle despite how insistent his mouth was. Her arms were thrown around his neck, bunching up his shirt from his hips. 

They separate to breathe, hot air released in puffs between them. Ori leaned forward again to slip her lips between his. It was less urgent this time, slower and softer. One of his hands slipped down to her collar bone, brushing the skin with his thumb. 

"Honey," and everything came crashing down. Ori's eyes snapped open and she dropped from L's hold on her, shoving him away. He staggered back, face flushed red and shirt more rumpled than usual. Ori knew she wasn't any better. She felt frantic, trapped like a cornered animal, desperate for a way out. 

"Honey?" L asked. 

"Stop! Stop calling me that!" Her hair fell around her face and she grabbed at it, holding it against her scalp as strands slipped from her hold. "I don't understand what's going on. First, you don't tell me about Misa, then you tell me that I'm a leech and that I was using you, now this-" Her eyes burned with unshed tears. Anger and confusion and heat swirled around in her chest. She just wanted a stray answer.

"I don't get it." She met his eyes, fighting to now look away. L's eyes were wide with alarm. He stepped closer, arm stretched out as if reaching for her, but she held up a hand to stop him. "Just tell me the truth!" Her voice was thick and wet with sobs. L pursed his lips, thinking. Ori waited, not patiently though. Her chest heaved, heart still dust. 

"I love you." He whispered. "I was scared when you weren't telling me directly how you felt and I got doubts. I don't know where everything else came out; I didn't mean it, but I didn't know what to do. I've never done this before; I've never even had _friends_ before." He looked so dejected; Ori could tell he was telling the truth.

"Then you _talk_ to me. I've barely ever had friends too. I can get along with people, but the oldest friend I have is Raito, and he's under suspicion of being Kira. Do you think I can have heartfelt conversations with Raito? The deepest we got was when he asked me how I felt about Kira!" Ori was tired. She was tired of the misery, of the back and forth, of the guessing games. She wanted it all to end.

Throat tight, she swallowed back another sob. "I deserve better." She let her volume fall to a hoarse whisper. 

"I know." L nodded. 

"I. Deserve. Better." Now she was trying to convince herself. Did she deserve better? Maybe she'd believe it if she told herself enough times. 

"You do. You-"

"So why can't I stop myself from loving you?" It had just slipped out. Out in the air without her permission, the question hung heavy over both of them. Her tears were falling freely now, staining her cheeks and the collar of her shirt. Her hair felt more tangled than before. She probably looked like a mess.

"I don't know." That wasn't the answer Ori wanted, but it was the one she'd expected. Why would L know if she didn't?

Ori wiped her eyes roughly with her shirt collar and sniffed wetly. She tried to look intimidating, but she knew she was failing horribly.

"This never happened." She didn't know what she meant: the kiss or the confession. Maybe both, maybe just one, but L nodded all the same. She walked past him and let the tears fall again when she was further down the hall. 

Still dust.

<> <> <>

L's lips were still buzzing with warmth long after Ori had left. He waited a little before leaving so people wouldn't question whether or not they were together.

His heart constricted as he replayed her question in his head.

_So why can't I stop myself from loving you?_

He'd wanted to say it was because they were meant to be. The red strings of fate had pulled them together and they couldn't just stop what they'd started, but all he had said was 'I don't know'. It was easier than begging for her forgiveness. It hurt more, but it was easier. He didn't think his pride could take anymore. It was bruised and bloodied and small. He'd thought he could put it on the line again and again, but now he wasn't sure. If Ori didn't want him, then he'd stop putting his pride where she could find it and step on it. It had been his fault, but it takes two to tango.

L didn't even like dancing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I could easily forgive his pride, if he had not mortified mine."  
> ― Jane Austen


	41. Did You Really Forget?

L understood what Ori meant when Misa had tried to bite her tongue when he saw the bandages around Watari's fingers and the leather belt between Misa's teeth. He felt bad for leaving.

"Any updates?" He asked, climbing into his seat. Matsuda shook his head. "Good." Misa was still and quiet.

"She figured out that I could tell when she's lying. She's been mostly quiet ever since." Ori said. Her eyes were red and puffy, but her voice was clear and confident. She really wanted to forget about what had happened. 

"We probably could've been using you the entire time," Matsuda said with a laugh. "It would've made our jobs a lot easier. We could just ask Misa or Light if their Kira and Kira 2 and be done with it."

"I honestly forgot." Chief Yagami said. Everyone but L and Ori nodded in tandem. 

"Umm, guys?" Aizawa asked. "What's going on with Misa?" They all turned to the screen. Misa was straining against her bindings again. Tears tracked down her cheeks and whatever she was trying to say was muffled by the belt in her mouth. Spit was running down her chin.

"Again?" Ori asked. "Something's not right." She got up from her chair and left the room entirely. 

"Maggie!" Matsuda rose from his seat like he was prepared to go after her. Watari placed a hand on his shoulder and gently pushed him back down into his seat. He said nothing. 

It didn't take long for Ori to arrive behind Misa, out of breath. She walked up from around Misa. She untied the belt from around Misa's head and wiped the spit away from her chin with her shirt sleeve.

"Who are you? Where am I?" Everyone reeled back in alarm. 

"Misa," Ori started, "you're being kept in a facility under suspicion of being Kira 2." Misa didn't shout or even stay quiet. She erupted into high-pitched laughter, body spasming against her holdings.

"I don't believe you. You're probably just some sick pervert keeping me hostage for a show, right? I'm famous; if you just let me go, I'll give you a lot of money."

"I'm a... pervert?" L asked. Matsuda shook his head, a small smile on his face.

"I'm pretty sure she was talking to Maggie, though I don't think she's a pervert either." L decided to stay silent. 

"No," Ori said calmly. "You're here because we think you're Kira 2." Misa scoffed. She was unusually confident for someone blindfolded. 

"That's stupid. I'm not Kira 2." Ori jumped, hands dropping the belt and letting it clatter to the floor.

"Then are you Kira?"

"No."

"Do you know who Kira is?"

"No."

"Do you know Light Yagami?" Ori's voice was beginning to take on a desperate tilt. Misa must've been telling the truth.

"Of course. You really think I wouldn't know my own boyfriend?" Did she forget everything about being under the suspicion of Kira 2? 

Ori turned around to look at the camera. Her eyes were shadowed out by the lighting and her hair, but her expression looked troubled all the same.

"She's telling the truth." She sounded shaky. L almost didn't believe her. He wanted to hook her up to a lie-detector test, but Ori was basically the same thing, and based on her reaction, all of this was genuine. 

"I'm coming back." She said. She wrapped the belt around Misa's face again and ran from view. She came back a while later, brows furrowed. L wanted to reach out smooth the crease away; he kept his hands to himself. 

"Something's seriously wrong." She said. "It's like her brain's rewired itself."

"What does that mean?" Matsuda turned to her with his head tilted like a puppy wanting attention. L wanted to deck him. Ori didn't acknowledge his look; her eyes were locked on Misa.

"The brain can alter the memory of a person if they've gone under extreme physical trauma, sometimes giving them an entirely new identity, but Misa's only been tied up and she remembers who she is. The only thing she's forgotten is she and Light being accused of being Kiras 1 and 2." L decided not to mention how she'd stopped calling him 'Raito'. It felt like a personal victory. 

"What do you think happened?" Chief Yagami asked. Ori brought a hand up to her lip, pinching at the pink skin. L tore his eyes away and looked back at the monitor. 

"I don't know. Maybe she was going through so much emotional and mental trauma that her brain altered all the memories she had of Kira and Kira 2."

"So she can't tell us anything," Aizawa said gruffly. "Just great."

"Well, she wasn't going to anyway." L said. "Except this time it's involuntary." 

"We can still talk to Light though," Ori said. "Where is he?" As if on cue, Light came bursting through the door, hands still had his sides when he reached them.

"Oh, Light, right on time." L gave him a small thumbs up. Light ignored his greeting and opted for looking L right in the eyes. 

"L, I think I'm Kira." Glass shattered. Not physically, but he could practically hear it. The glass of Ori's soul shattering into a million tiny pieces. Time moved in slow motion as Watari had him in handcuffs and L looked back at Ori, waiting for confirmation. She looked distant but ready for murder. L wasn't sure if he'd have to comfort her or hold her back. 

She tilted her head up to look at him, movements slow. She blinked between Light and L.

"Ms. Cobbs," L called. "What's your verdict?" She might as well have been a million miles away. She swallowed, opening her mouth slowly, but L already knew the answer.

"He's telling the truth." Matsuda looked like he'd just watched a cat be slaughtered before his very eyes. The chief was on the verge of some very manly tears.

"Well then." L stepped closer until he was just a few inches away from Light.

"You have some explaining to do."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "No amount of money ever bought a second of time."  
> -Howard Stark


	42. Burning and Tingling

Ori didn't know what to think. _Was_ Raito Kira? And what did he mean by, 'I think I'm Kira'? Wouldn't he _know_ if he was Kira?

L seemed to be wondering that too. He frowned at Light like he wanted to ask questions that they didn't have the answer to. He stayed quiet, however, and had Light escorted away to jail cells in the basement Ori had no previous knowledge of. 

If Light was Kira, then that meant he killed Vivian, right? 

Ori felt sick and she felt dizzy. How many times was that now? How many times had she felt the urge to just projectile vomit all over the floor? She didn't want to, of course, but the way her stomach would churn constantly was beginning to get old. 

"Maggie? Are you okay?" Matsuda came up behind her and put a hand on her shoulder. The gesture was meant to be comforting and full of reassurance, yet all Ori felt for a split moment was inexplicable terror. She jerked away from Matsuda, whirling around in her seat so he wasn't behind her anymore. His eyes were wide in alarm. The spot he had touched tingled in the worst of ways and Ori felt like she had to take a hot shower just to get rid of it. Or at least just let the hot water wash over her until the skin turned red and she couldn't take the blistering heat anymore. It could give her time to think and reflect on the day's events. Misa trying to bite off her tongue, the pretty steamy make-out session with L followed by a painfully embarrassing confession, Misa forgetting everything about being accused of being Kira 2, and Light confessing to being Kira. 

Ori just needed to think. 

"I'm-" her voice was ragged in her throat; she had to cough to clear it out. "I'm gonna go for a minute." Everyone, even L, seemed to understand she'd be gone for longer than a minute; none of them said anything. 

As soon as she made it to her room, she made her way to the bathroom and stripped down. With each layer of clothing that was removed, that horrible tingly feeling on her shoulder got worse. She stepped under the water after turning it on and waiting for it to get hot, and almost cringed away from it as it pelted against her back. It was painful and Ori instantly wanted to turn the temperature down but she resisted. The water got rid of the tingling that was beginning to travel down the scar on her back, following the path of her scar.

She thought back to the hallway with L. It played in her mind like a movie. The truth was, Ori didn't want to forget what happened. She wanted to hold onto it like a family heirloom. Why couldn't they just talk like mature adults? Every time they tried to talk to each other, they'd end up yelling, making out, or too engrossed in Kira to actually discuss their feelings for each other. 

Ori loved L. She loved him so much it hurt to look at him. She guessed that would be obvious if not for the way she had talked to him earlier. She wanted to talk to him again, _really_ talk and just try to sort everything out. Except as far as L knew, Ori's already sorted everything out. She told him she deserved better and he agreed. She told him it never happened, Ori still didn't know which event she was referring to, and left before he got a chance to speak.

"I always told you I was selfish, Mom." She whispered under the roar of the showerhead. "Do you believe me now?" Vivian would be so ashamed if she saw her now. 

_What's the matter with you? I can't believe you're pushing away such a smart boy who clearly loves you_?She'd say. _If I was still your age, I would've jumped his bones a long time ago._ Vivian would take her by the shoulders and shake the sense into her. 

_You'd better hope he's gracious enough to give you_ another _chance, Honey, because I doubt that poor boy's heart can take anymore._

"I know. I don't know what I'm supposed to do." Vivian would smile and hold her close like she hadn't just been trying to throttle Ori a second ago.

_You fight for him, Honey. You let him know that despite everything you've done, you still love him._

"That's so cheesy." She laughed.

_It worked for your dad. I did some things to him that weren't very kind, but I put in the effort to change and he gave me another chance. He gave me as many chances as I needed to get it right._

Ori didn't know if that was true. She didn't doubt it, everyone goes through something like that, but she wasn't entirely sure. It helped nonetheless in the sense that she knew what she needed to do. She didn't know if she'd _actually_ be able to do it though.

Her hair was tangled and beginning to grease. It felt really gross, so she slathered it with shampoo and conditioner. 

When she stepped out of the shower, her back was tender and bright red. She'd probably need to lotion it to soothe the burn. That didn't matter, though. She felt clean and only half as miserable as she felt before. She knew she needed to talk to L; she had this fear that he'd tell her how she's dragged him along. He'd tell her that he didn't want to be used like a toy until she got bored with him and tossed him out when she was bored. 

She had pushed and pulled and held him close before shoving him away from her. How could L be okay with that? There's no way he would want that kind of confusion and heartbreak in his life on repeat.

Towel wrapped around her, she stalked over to her closet and began yanking random clothes out and tossing them onto her bed. Jeans, undergarments, tank top, t-shirt, flannel shirt. 

She was buttoning up her jeans when she heard a knock on her door. She groaned, hoping that if she ignored them, whoever was there would go away. Her tank top was tucked into her jeans rubbing against her back, which hurt, but not wearing something to tuck into her jeans wasn't something Ori was about to do. She was picking up her shirt when the person knocked again. With an annoyed groan, she threw down her shirt and ripped the door open. She really should've known that L would be on the other side. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "Numbing the pain for a while will make it worse when you finally feel it."  
> ― J.K. Rowling


	43. Breath With Me

Her face was flushed pink when she opened the door. L decided to believe it was from her shower and not that he was there. 

"How're you feeling?" He asked slowly. Ori's eyebrows scrunched together gently, a frowning tugging at her mouth. 

"L, why are you here?" She sounded exhausted. Irritation flared in his chest. 

"I wanted to make sure you wouldn't mess up the case when you came back down." She ducked her head. He caught a glimpse of her back as her hair fell over her shoulders. The skin was bright pink and blistering like she'd gotten a sunburn. She lifted her head again with a deep breath. Her eyes were wet.

"Right, of course. Well, I'm fi-"

"What's going on with your back?" He interrupted. She had the gall to look confused. 

"What do you mean? I took a shower and the water was a little hot. My skin's bound to be a little pink."

Out of all the adjectives that described Ori, stupid was not one of them, and yet here she was, completely oblivious. L grabbed her by the arm and dragged her to the bathroom. Flicking on the light, he gathered all of her hair together and turned her around, showing her the blisters and just how pink her back was. Her eyes locked instantly on the scar running down her back. If he looked closely, he could see the area around the scar was dotted with red. 

"Ms. Nanase, you can't hurt yourself because you're angry and upset."

"It's not like that." She whispered. L scoffed while pulling his hand away. Her hair slipped between his fingers.

"When Matsui touched my shoulder, it was the most uncomfortable feeling in the world. My back was tingling in the worst way. I just wanted the feeling to go away. I hated it and all I could think was how much I wanted it _gone_." She was hysterical. Breathing heavy and boarding on a panic attack. L stepped out of the bathroom to grab the phone. He needed to call Watari; he was more equipped to dealing with hysterics. The first time when Ori had fallen apart over Vivian's death was a flook. She was burnt out and just needed to do something. Now she was dealing with the effects of a traumatic event. L has solved enough cases to know that the tingling she was feeling was her associating someone touching her back with the traumatic event, but just because he knew what had caused it didn't mean he knew how to deal with it. 

He tried to get the phone, but Ori's hands were twisting into his shirt as if her life depended on it. How many times was she going to do that?

"Don't get Watari." She sobbed. "Don't- he'll worry- I don't want him to-" She cried into the back of his shirt.

"Ori," he said with an exasperated sigh. "What am I going to do with you?" His voice was so quiet, he didn't know if her lack of response was from her inability to hear him or something else. He let out another huffing breath.

"You have burns on your back, Ori. They're nothing bad now, but if we don't cool them and apply burn cream, then the damage could be irreversible. Not to mention, I don't think it's very comfortable." She didn't move, just panted heavily into his shirt, her warm breath hitting his skin through the thin material. He took her hands in his, marveling at their small size. She was so delicate behind the joking exterior she had put on. He knew it wasn't an act and that it was just who she was, but he also knew that she was fighting to protect this side of her. She was mainly fighting to keep it from people; she wasn't doing as good of a job as she used to.

He turned himself around without dropping her hands, which was hard on its own, but now he had to get her to breathe slower and calm down enough to get her shirt off her back. The pressure and movement were probably painful on its own, but if skin is hot enough, then clothes will melt into it and stick once the skin has cooled. L didn't want that. First thing first, he needed to get Ori to calm down.

"Ori," he kept hold of her hands, "breathe and talk to me." Her eyes were unfocused, but they were on him; that was a start.

"Honey," he dropped his tone. The last time she had called him that, she yelled at him, but this was a scenario where he couldn't care about her feelings. He had to get her mind snd breathing under control.

"Honey, breath." He remembered how she'd like it when L played with her hair, so he brought his hand up and ran his fingers through her hair. She shivered, and for a brief moment, L thought he was going to cause more harm than good, but his own panic was brief when she sunk into his hand and slowed her breathing down. 

"Talk to me, Honey." He'd always thought the nickname Vivian had given Ori was weird. Her nickname was a term of endearment and a nickname from being stung by bees all the time, and sometimes he didn't know which one he was using when he called her 'Honey'. In this scenario, it helped her, despite how weird he felt.

She looked at him, cheeks chapped from tears that still refused to stop.

"You're okay, Honey." He whispered. "You're here with me; I'm trying to help you." If anyone were to walk into the bathroom without any context, L would be in trouble. He didn't believe in God, but he was on the verge of praying for no one to walk in.

She fell ragged against him, tucked into his neck. His neck was soon wet.

"You're okay." He kept stroking her hair hoping it would keep her in the present. "Nothing's going to hurt you." It was a false promise. One that he could in no way keep; L wasn't worried about it. Ori wouldn't believe him, but for the moment, it could give her some peace of mind.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There are wounds that never show on the body that are deeper and more hurtful than anything that bleeds."  
> ― Laurell K. Hamilton


	44. What We Said

She didn't move as L turned the shower on cold and held the showerhead up to her skin. She didn't wince or tear away. It was like she had turned into a doll. Maybe Misa had been right.

He made the pressure as soft as possible as it ran over her back. It washed away the growing prickles of blood that were beginning to run down her back.

"I'm sorry." She whispered against his neck.

"It's fine. It can't be helped now."

"Not that. I'm sorry for what happened earlier. For pushing you away again." She grabbed at the front of his shirt. Her hands were trembling. He could feel his collar getting wet again.

"The truth is. I don't want to forget what happened." She moved away from him, dragon eyes big and sparkling with the shedding of her tears. She cupped his face, running her thumbs along his cheekbones, hands warm where they touched. "I don't want to stop loving you, but the way I acted before-" then it clicked. She thought that what had happened was her fault, when really, L was the one who had hurt her.

She was breathing shortly again and let her hands fall to her sides. "I'm sorry." L could easily take advantage of this situation. Ori was broken and desperate, and if L wanted, he could probably do what he wanted with her and she'd be okay with it until morning. He could kiss her, ravage her until he was satisfied. He could abuse her and as long as she thought he would forgive her, she wouldn't mind. 

Well, logically, he could do all those things, but deep in his heart, he knew he could never hurt her like that. She wasn't a toy for him to use, just like he wasn't a toy for her to play with. L wasn't that cruel.

"I said a lot of horrible things to you." He said as he reached around her and turned off the water. The burn was still warm, but not as hot as before. "I was worried, and instead of talking to you like a mature adult, I acted like a child and called you names and said things I can never take back." He took her hands and laced their fingers together. "What you said to me was entirely accurate. You deserve better. The things you said were absolutely nothing compared to what I told you."

"But-"

"No buts. I was cruel before and you were just being truthful. Nothing you did was out of line." For good measure, he kissed her forehead and began peeling the cloth away from her back. She was shaking while he worked, sobbing against him. He wasn't sure if it was from the pain, what he said, or a mixture of both. 

He turned on the shower again, running it over her back one last time. There was nothing sexual about what they were doing. It was just L helping someone he cared about. Nothing else to it. 

"I was thinking of Mom earlier, what she would say in this situation." He moved away from her, reaching for the burn cream. He'd have to wait until her back dried a little bit; the cream would do nothing if it didn't stick.

"She'd call me dumb and tell me to try harder to get to you." L was reaching for a washcloth to dab at the skin, then halted.

"I don't think she would. At least, not at first." She looked up at him, brows bent back.

"What do you mean?"

"I've already told you that what you said was completely valid, and I think your mother would agree. I'm sure Vivian would say something along the lines of, 'you were too good for that detective anyway. _He_ should be the one groveling at your feet for forgiveness'." He raised his voice up an octave to imitate Vivian's voice. Ori released a hearty laugh that had her shoulders shaking. Her smile was dreamy as she looked at him, eyes still bright and hair curling under her jaw. 

"I love you." She said it easily in the midst of her laughter. L froze again on his way back to her. He felt his face catch fire. Now he understood when she had told him he couldn't just say things like that. It was so embarrassing. He shook himself off, motioning for her to turn herself around.

"Shut up and turn around." She held up her hands in mock surrender, a smile still on her face. She turned around, wincing as the skin on her back shifted to accommodate her movements. 

"I'm also sorry I've been so reckless. I can't imagine it's been easy." She said. L set the washcloth down when he noticed that her back was almost completely dry. There were just a few drops of water here and there. He squeezed a healthy helping of the cream into his hand, wanting to hurt her as little as possible. 

"This probably isn't going to feel pleasant." He said. She nodded, bring her arms back to unclip her bra. The clasps fell away and she reached up to her hug her arms over her front. Her back was left completely bare. He smeared the cream over her back, this time she jumped.

"It's not your fault. What happened with Vivian was all Kira, and the things her death left you with is a clear form of trauma." Then he realized something. "Is it okay that I'm touching your back like this?" She thought for a moment, then nodded. 

"Yeah, I don't mind. Matsui just caught me off guard. It's not that bad if I'm expecting it." He nodded, then spoke because she couldn't see him.

"All right, just let me know when I'm going too far."

"I will." His hand skimmed over her scar and she jumped. 

"Did that hurt?" He asked worriedly. She shook her head.

"No, it didn't hurt. It's just sensitive."

"Ahh," L committed that fact to memory. He wondered how far he could push before she told him to stop.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "When the person you love can't see your love for them beneath the painful things you say when they reject you, remember this: Love is blind."  
> ― Shannon L. Alder


	45. Who Are You?

He tugged a shirt over her head and watched her pouting face pop out from the collar. 

"I can do it myself." She grouched. 

"Shut up and let me take care of you." She huffed at his smile and looked away to her the subtle curve of her own pink lips.

"Can you stand?" He asked. Ori just waved him off.

"Yeah yeah, I can walk; I'm not a cripple."

"You used to be." He gave her hair a ruffle. This was nice. In her room, they weren't Maggie Cobb and Ryuzaki; they were Honey and L. 

She pushed at his hands, then opted for taking the long digits in her palms. He watched her in confusion as she stared at his hands. She held one up and flattened her palm against it. Her fingertips barely reaching his second knuckle.

"You're hands are so big." She said with a chuckle. 

_'Cute.'_ Was the one word that came to mind. Instead, he brought his hand up to brush under her eyes with his thumb. The circles there were purple and bruising. 

"You need to rest." He told her; she just shook her head and took his hand again, kissing his palm before raising herself to her feet.

"We need to sort everything out with Misa and Light. I'll sleep later." She led him from the bathroom and through her bedroom to the door.

"Honey-" She whirled on him, releasing his hand in favor of putting her own on her hips. Her eyebrows were scrunched together.

"Don't go picking me over the case just yet. I've wasted a lot of time." Her tone was finalizing. L just rolled his eyes and let her take him back to the security cameras. Well, they didn't get to the cameras right away. As soon as the elevator door closed on them, Ori was gripping his shirt collar to yank him down and catch his mouth on hers. L felt a rumbling groan vibrate through his chest and up his throat. She licked into his mouth, tasting, pulling, nipping, and tugging until their lips were bruised red and tender from their lip lock, but neither cared. There were ten floors between Ori's room and the camera room. L figured they'd have two minutes tops.

He tangled his hands into her drying curls, feeling them slide through his fingers. Ori had her arms thrown around his neck and gently tugging the hair at his neck. He could feel his hands shaking from the effort to take her by the hips and pin her to the wall; he was mindful of her back. L enjoyed kissing Ori. It felt like there were fireworks exploding in his head, leaving him buzzing with warmth. Was this what it was like to be intoxicated? If so, L understood alcoholics now. 

He liked the rushed, hungry kisses that left him breathless and dizzy, but he wanted to slow down, savor the small snippets of time they had together. 

He slid his thumb over her mouth, briefly disconnecting them. 

"Slow down." He said. His voice sounded different in his own ears, raspier, heavier. "I don't need you passing out in the elevator." Her laughter was quiet and breathless, sending little zings racing down his spine.

"Who said anything about passing out." She kissed him again, slower and softer. Her pulse fluttered like butterfly wings under his fingers.

"Come to my room later." He said, kissing her cheeks and nose, trying to count the many freckles that looked like they'd been plastered there by a paintbrush. They were darker than they used to be, now looking like the ones on the little girl in that picture in Vivian's kitchen. They used to be pale, blending into her skin, but now they were dark and scattered like stardust.

"Okay." She whispered. Her own voice sounded worn ragged. Her eyes were glazed over, face dusted a nice shade of pink. 

Someone cleared their throat beside them. As if caught with their hands in the cookie jar, L and Ori whipped their heads over to the opening of the elevator. Watari was standing in the doorway, hands held behind his back and a frown pulling his mouth down.

"Sir, I must ask you to keep your personal affairs... personal." He cast a glance over at Ori, whose face was burning a bright enough red that L wouldn't be surprised if people from space could see it. L's own face was hot, but he didn't think it was that red. 

"Right. Sorry." Ori said, releasing L's collar and smoothing it across his shoulders. Her pinkies dragged over his bare skin and made him shiver slightly, but he maintained his composure. Ori's own hair was mused and her lips red and raw. 

"I'll give you two a moment to compose yourselves," Watari said with a small smirk.

"Yeah." Ori choked. Watari walked away, and L could hear him softly chuckling to himself. 

"Sorry," Ori whispered. "I probably shouldn't have grabbed you like that." She looked sheepish in a way that made L want to wrap her up in a blanket and hide her away.

"It's fine." Was all he could say about it. "Come on, the others are probably trying to figure out what to do." She nodded briefly, raking a hand through her hair in a vain attempt to tame the wild curls. 

"I should just cut it off." She said as they walked. "At least up to my back." L wasn't going to say it out loud, but he really liked her hair long. He liked losing his fingers in it, twisting his hands in the curls, and stroking them back away from her face. 

"Go for it."

She shot an inquisitive stare his way, finally cracking a smile. 

"You're such a dork." 

When they made it to the security cameras, Matsuda was staring off into nothing and Aizawa had his arms placed firmly on the desk, his head settled between them.

"Where's Chief?" Ori asked. He was nowhere in sight. Matsuda turned in his chair to stare at him, mouth pressed in a firm line. His stare bore into L, and he was starting to not like him for reasons other than his original personality. This look was just disturbing.

Matsuda continued to say nothing, but he pressed a button on the keyboard and Chief popped up. He was sitting in his own cell, arms draped uselessly at his sides. 

"What the hell?" 

<> <> <>

"Chief! What are you doing?" Chief Yagami on the screen looked at up the cameras. His eyes were sullen and tired.

"I can't guarantee that I won't let my emotions get the best of me as long as my son is being locked up in a cell. If I stay out of the way, then I can't ruin the case."

"You can't really think that-"

"Maggie." Ori jumped at his sudden tone, serious and authoritative. "Let me do this." Ori's hands were shaking in anger. She slammed the mic down on the table.

"Mastui." She called. Matsuda jumped to attention, eyes wide. 

"Y-yes!"

"How many deaths have there been since Light was put in the cell?" Matsuda went to work, scanning through the death toll on the computer screen that had frozen at 105,582.

"Zero," he said, the disappointment evident in his voice. "The number's been stuck ever since he walked into the room."

"Son of a bitch." Ori felt hopeless. What was she supposed to do? Should she talk to him face-to-face? Could she handle something like that? Maybe she shouldn't have joined the Task Force. If she hadn't joined, then maybe Vivian would still be alive. Even if Light would just disappear, even if she hadn't met L for real, Vivian would still be alive.

_Unless she committed some kind of crime a long time ago_. That was a thought Ori had sometimes, but she never really dwelled on it.

"I'm going to talk to him."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Aizawa asked. Ori let out a laugh. It rumbled up from her stomach and escaped her mouth.

"No." But she had to.

* * *

The basement where the cells were weren't all that cold, but they weren't warm either. As Ori walked to the end of the hallway where Light was sitting, she repressed the urge to shiver. She saw him hunched over on his bed, hands folded into a tent over his face.

"Hey." She said, announcing her presence. Light lifted his head to look at her. She thought his eyes would be more lifeless, duller and defeated, but they weren't. They were clear and bright, almost tinted red, like he was looking into a fire that lit up the brown.

"Hey, Ori. I'm really so-"

"Did you mean it?" She interrupted. She knew that she did. He meant what he said about thinking he's Kira, but she needed to hear it again.

"What?" Something inside of her snapped. She kicked the cell bars. The sound reverberated off the cement walls.

"Do you really think you're Kira, you bastard?"

"Honey, please calm down." L's grainy voice came over the loudspeaker. She didn't respond to him but sucked in a deep breath regardless. 

"Do you have any idea the kind of weight you throw around just by saying you _think_ you might be Kira?! Don't you understand how that makes me feel?!"

"Ori, I-"

"You were my best friend, Light! You've basically just admitted to killing my mom!"

"You don't know if Kira was really the one behind it." He said. Rising from his bed, he walked closer to the bars until there was only half a foot and metal standing between them.

"Cut the bullshit, asshole. You know just as much as I do that she would never do anything like that without anyone forcing her to! L proved that Kira can control the actions of people before they die!" Her face was wet, but it wasn't from tears. Was the ceiling leaking or something?

"I understand that you-"

"You understand _nothing_!" Her chest was heaving, heart-pounding and she still didn't know what she was trying to say. "My mother is _dead_ , my father might as well be too; I have _nothing._ I'm alone and I have nothing while you've been bred and born for success! Your father is in the next section over because he doesn't want to compromise our _job_ , your mom and sister are none the wiser, while you just walk into a room and tell us that you're pretty sure you're Kira?! What does that even mean? Do you think you're being hypnotized or something? Do you think you're sleep killing?" She grabbed his shirt through the bars, yanking him closer and into the metal.

"It's a yes or no answer, no maybe! Are you Kira?" 

It was pindrop silent. Ori's hands trembled with rage and fear where she clutched Light's shirt. He said nothing, just stared at her. She was waiting for an answer; it appeared she wouldn't get one until he sucked in a deep breath, closed his eyes, then smiled sadly at her. She prepared herself for the worst, for the confession.

"You're calling me 'Light' now?"

Ori's teeth clenched and she reeled back. Her hands slipped from their places wrapped around Light's shirt. Disbelief had her gaping dumbly up at him. He was always taller than her, that much had always been obvious, but now he was towering over her, literally and figuratively. His smile was sad and melancholy, but his eyes were gloating. She'd provided with the correct reaction for him. 

"Are you kidding me?" She asked, her voice taking on a hushed tone of repulsed awe. She couldn't say anything else; she felt sick. He really had nothing to say for himself? 

Something surged up from her stomach, her throat tightened painfully. Ori slapped a hand over her mouth. She spun on her heel and ran from the jail cells. She curved around the corner and pressed her back against the wall, ignoring the quick, gasping pain she got from the pressure on her burns. 

Why did she feel like she messed up again?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "What you must understand about me is that I'm a deeply unhappy person."  
> ― John Green


	46. They Can Wait

When Ori finally came back, she didn't look defeated or sad like L thought she would; she just looked pissed. L could feel the heavy aura that pressed on them from the doorway.

She said nothing as she sat down beside L, eyes lifted to look at Misa.

"Has she said anything?" She asked.

"Aside from asking to go to the bathroom twelve times, nothing," Aizawa said, irritated. "This is stupid! We're not getting anything from her, and it's just torture! We should just let her go."

"Don't forget," L said, "she's a paid actress. Even if Maggie says Misa's telling the truth, letting her go when we're not sure what she's capable of is a mistake. Kira 2 was able to kill with just a face; we can't risk it." Aizawa looked annoyed but kept his mouth shut. Matsuda looked like he wanted to say something, and L waited for him to do so, but he never spoke.

Watari came up behind them with, the metallic cart silent except for the sound of the wheels being pushed over the floor. He placed a coffee and a slice of cake in front of L, and a glass bottle of Mnt Dew in front of Ori. She immediately perked up and took the drink, then turned to Watari, a bright smile on her face.

"Thanks, Watari! You're the best." The old man smiled down at her, gray mustache twitching.

"It doesn't take much to please you, Ms. Cobb." He ran a gloved hand over her head once before turning his gaze to L. Watari gave him a quick thumbs-up, but L didn't know what that meant.

"He's right," Ori said. "Misa was lying when I was interrogating her, and as much as I hate to say it, she might have figured out how to get around my whole lie-detector thing like Light used to be able to do. Misa may act like a dumb blond, but if she's really Kira 2, then she might not be as dumb as we think."

L drummed his fingers over his knees. They had to get as much knowledge out of her as possible, but if she was playing dumb, or if she really did forget why she was there, then there wasn't much they could do. Maybe if L could get Misa and Light to talk under secret surveillance, then maybe something would be revealed, but that was a big maybe. There was a high possibility that Light could be in on the whole thing. Or that Light didn't know and discussing Kira's actions traumatized her. That would make it even harder to get her to confess. Not that he could get Misa to properly confess if she forget everything about Kira. 

"This sucks," Ori said with a large swig from her bottle. Part of L was worried that this case would turn her into a raging alcoholic while another part of him wanted to know how she would act when she's drunk.

"We don't know what we're looking for, and the two people who could tell us are of no help at all. It's either the blind leading the blind or someone pretending to be blind while leading the rest of us to our doom, and I'm betting on the latter." She set down her bottle and cracked her knuckles harshly. The sound made L wince discreetly. 

"Light said that he was Kira," Matsuda started and L immediately knew that whatever he said would be stupid. "So why don't we just ask him how he kills?"

Yep, L was right. Matsuda's stupid.

"Have you been paying attention at _all_?" Aizawa smacked him upside the head. Matsuda let out a pained shout and rubbed his head. "He said that he _might_ be Kira. I doubt he _actually_ knows."

"But that doesn't make any sense." L said. "How do you _not_ know you're a serial killer. What Ms. Cobb said to him before is true: there's really no way he _couldn't_ know whether or not he's Kira. I'm fairly certain that sleep killing isn't a thing unless he does it with his mind, but even if he could control the time of death of his victims, I don't think he'd be able to do that subconsciously."

"What if he doesn't use his mind," Ori said quietly, almost absentmindedly. "Maybe he had some kind of tool to do. Nothing really scientific, more like a gift." Her forehead scrunched like she was in pain.

"What?" Matsuda asked with a concerned laugh. For once, L agreed with him. Maybe Ori was at her breaking point. "Are you okay, Maggie?"

"Hm?" She turned to them with a questioning noise, then her face opened up with realization. "Oh, yeah! Sorry. I just kinda went on a ramble. I don't know what I was even really talking about." She laughed, but it was strained and awkward. 

"Uh...huh..." Matsuda said, unconvinced, then looked at the chief's monitor. "How're ya holdin' up, sir?" He asked, tone forcefully cheerful. 

Yagami looked at the camera. "I'm all right, Matsui, don't worry about me." Ori rolled around L to take the mic from Matsuda and propped her feet on the table. L asked her to put her feet down, but he went ignored. 

"You know that's not possible, Chief. We're gonna worry no matter what." Yagami laughed, but the sound was almost as strained as Ori's had been.

"I appreciate the sentiment, Maggie, but I'm fine. Really." Ori made an unconvinced noise similar to the one Matsuda had let out, but let it be.

"All right, just let us know if you need anything. Like a spare blanket or pillow; I can't imagine those cells are all that comfortable." It was true. The beds were firm and hard and the single blanket in each cell was thin and didn't cover much. L had only had the cells installed in case Kira needed to be stored before his trial and eventual death, but he didn't think he'd have two being used up at the same time. 

"Thank you." Yagami said. He sounded wearier than he looked, which was saying a lot. Ori nodded as if the chief could see her, but said nothing to confirm that she had heard him. She just set the mic back down and pushed off the table with her feet. Poor Watari would have to wipe it off later.

"Don't get the table dirty;" L scolded as Ori took her place next to him again, "we put our food there."

"You mean _you_ put _your_ food on there. The food that already has plates under it?" She asked with a teasing smirk. Knowing that arguing was pointless, L just reached over and flicked her on her freckled forehead. She was remarkably lax for someone who was just told by her best friend that he's probably (most definitely) Kira. He imagined that they'd have to talk about it more later, but he wasn't sure when they'd be given to opportunity. Yes, he'd asked her to come to his room later, but that was in the heat of the moment and before Light decided to drop an atomic bomb of truth on them. Now they'd probably have to spend all night in the surveillance room coming up with theories and ideas of how to proceed. That was something L really didn't want to do. He just hoped he'd be wrong for once. 

<> <> <>

God _fucking_ dammit. He was right. It was almost two in the morning before Aizawa shooed L and Ori away from the camera room. Matsuda had tried his hand before, but L had made a point to block him out whenever he took a breath to speak. 

"You kids need your rest if you're going to be able to solve this case. The last time Maggie stayed up too long, she ended up sleeping for almost a week."

"It only happened once," Ori muttered under her breath.

"It's best not to argue. Watari's giving us the stink eye." L told her.

"That might just be for what happened in the elevator." 

"What happened in the elevator?!" Aizawa asked hysterically. "You know what? Nevermind. Just go." He physically shooed them off until they left the room with the twinning rolls of their eyes. L could see Ori crack a smile.

"Aizawa in dad-mode. Huh."

"Just go!"

<> <> <>

Ori was conflicted on a lot of things. Most were about Light being Kira and whether or not Misa was Kira 2, but she was also conflicted about if she wanted to talk about it. She knew to an extent that knowing Light was a suspect would cause her to... second guess herself, but what freaked her out what how sure she felt that Light was Kira. It just made sense. His behavior since the killings began and how jumpy he was, talking to himself or something else. And how he was on that bus to Spaceland when that bus-jacker died. Not to mention the FBI agent who died shortly after coming into contact with Light.

Now that Ori thought about it, she really should've connected the dots sooner. She felt kinda dumb. There was a saying out there about not being able to see the truth; even when it's right under your nose. 

"Are you okay?" L asked as he opened the door to his bedroom. Her first instinct was to just brush it off and say she was fine, but her conversation with Light earlier bubbled up to the surface.

_I have nothing!_

She waited until they were seated on his bed, close, but still not touching, before finally speaking.

"Earlier, when I told Light that I had nothing... I didn't mean it. It just kinda slipped out." Her throat felt tight as she forced the words out. Confessions... why were they so hard?

"You meant it." His tone wasn't judgemental or harsh. It was his soft monotone. Constant, unchanging. 

"To a certain degree, I think you meant it." He wrapped an arm around her, pulling her close into his chest where his heartbeat thrummed and pulsed. It was strong where it thumped against his ribcage and Ori resisted the urge to close her eyes and sleep.

"You don't know where your father is, you've lost your mother, your best friend practically confessed to killing thousands, and you're just supposed to be okay with it? You've lost your family, your home, and your best friend, some would they that leaves them with nothing.

"But now you have Watari and the Task Force."

"And I have you." She reminded him gently. He released a hearty chuckle from his chest. L kissed her forehead and pushed her down onto his bed. He hovered over her, letting just the right amount of his body weight rest on her like he did the math. Knowing him, he probably did.

"And you have me. This may not be precisely what you had in mind, but I think this little family you built could do for now. The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb." He said, his voice dropping as he nudged her jaw up to kiss her throat.

"Don't quote German poetry at me." She gasped as he nipped just above her collar bone. She could almost feel her blood racing to accommodate how fast her heart was beating. 

_Closer._

She needed him closer.

<> <> <>

"Don't quote German poetry at me." Her voice was dark and rasped as she pulled the hem of his shirt from over his back. Her hands were hot where they touched bare skin. He just laughed into her chin and let her pull his collar over his head. Hands smoothed over his neck and shoulders, over his back to bring him closer to her. His hand flattened over the soft expanse of her stomach, carefully not to reach for her back. 

His pulse was thrumming in his ears; he found himself interlocking the fingers on one hand with her's.

"I love you," she sounded choked but sure of herself. Not like she had practiced saying it in a mirror, but like she had really meant it.

Yeah.

Light and Misa could wait just a few more hours. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The blood of the covenant is thicker than the water of the womb."  
> —Heinrich der Glîchezære


	47. Hold You Closer

"I love you." She whispered, only for him to hear. He carefully brought her shirt over her head, peppering kisses along her collar bone.

"L, I love you." Part of L was scared she was only telling him she loved him to compensate for all the times she didn't say it, not because she meant it, but he would always have that fear lurking in the back of his mind. 

_Lawliet._ He thought.

"I want to tell you." He didn't say it in the way that indicated he was going to tell her. He said it like he wanted to tell her. "God, I want to tell you." Sometimes L thought about telling her his real name. He imagined what it would sound like when she called him by it. Soft and whispering, enough to set L's nerves on fire.

"Hey," Ori's hands on his face pulled him back to the present. "It doesn't matter if you're Hideki Ryuga, L, Ryuzaki, or whatever your real name is. I'm not in love with your title or your name; I'm in love with _you_." Her eyes were big with honesty. The gold looked liked it had been dyed obsidian in the blanket of darkness that wrapped around them. It was suffocating in the best way. 

"What did I do to deserve you?" He intertwined their fingers, pushing Ori further into the mattress. He waited for any objections of pain for her back, but he got none. 

"You asked me if I was nervous about the exam." She said quietly, breathlessly. "You met my mother and was somehow able to keep up with her shenanigans-"

"It was easier than keeping up with yours." He interrupted. She let out a laugh before continuing. 

"You made fun of that poem with me. You were there after Vivian was gone." She let out a soft hum, nuzzling into L's jaw. "You loved me. You were patient. You're a _hell_ of a kisser." She broke off with a soft laugh. "You're alive."

"That's a pretty low bar."

"I figured it'd be okay to go easy on you." When she laid her head back against the bed, her cheeks were pink and darkening her freckles. Her skin glowed in the light that passed through the wide crack in the curtain. The full moon made it easy to make out her dark eyelashes casting shadows on her round cheeks. 

* * *

L's heart was full where it pounded steadily in his chest, ready to burst. It was almost six in the morning, Ori had long fell asleep, but L was still awake. The moon was beginning to sink, and the reds, pinks, oranges, and purples of morning were beginning to take over the sky. The colors brought out the white-gold and red strands in Ori's hair where she lie sprawled along his chest. It fanned over her back, ticking L's sides where the ends touched. The burns on her back had lessened and didn't appear to hurt anymore. The skin was still a little pink, mostly around the mountain range of raised scar tissue, but a little more cream would cure that.

L wondered when his thoughts had been so consumed by Orien Nanase. When her dragon-eyes had enraptured him so completely. When he couldn't close his eyes because her image would appear and he'd never want to open them again until the real thing was in the room. 

It was true; L was completely, utterly whipped, and he had no intention of stopping it. He'd cater to her every need if she asked, which she'd probably take full advantage of for laughs before telling him to relax. He knew the requests would still be small and insignificant, like maybe cuddling, or sharing a piece of his cake, but they'd be pretty constant until she eventually let him eat his own cake and made her own. 

Ori moved against him, eyebrows scrunched together in a frown. A small whimper escaped her and her breath picked up. L had seen this image several times before over the security cameras. She'd clenched and tremble and sob until she woke up breathless and alone. L would talk to her over the mic until she was able to fall asleep again. He hated himself for ignoring her when he was angry. He hated himself for being angry to begin with. Ori had done nothing wrong, and instead of talking like a mature adult, L lashed out like a child. 

He brought a hand up to run over her hair, slipping his fingers into the messy curls and then releasing himself again. He let his fingers run over her scar with feather light touches and felt her shiver. The crease between her eyebrows faded and she relaxed with a small sigh. Good. The only wrinkles he wanted her to have were the smile lines that crinkled at the corner of her eyes whenever she said something she thought was clever, or when she was making fun of him. 

He wondered how much longer it would be like this. He wondered how much longer the Kira Case would last, and if Ori would leave him to look for her father. He'd help her any way he could, but she might refuse just out of sheer stubbornness and the urge to do it herself. 

The thought scared him a little, L wouldn't deny that. He was scared that she'd find someone else, or that she'd lose feelings for him, or that she'd get hurt, or that she'd forget him altogether. It was silly to think about, or be afraid of, but L couldn't help it. He didn't want her to leave him and Watari, but he knew he couldn't make her stay. Whatever she decided to do, she'd dig in her heels until L gave in with a strained smile, only to see that she had been right all along. 

And as for her finding someone else, it would probably happen. Ori was one of those few creatures on Earth who just seemed perfect. She was beautiful and her eyes and freckles were captivating above everything else, she was friendly and made an effort to be nice, even when she had a clear disdain for someone, especially Misa, and she was intelligent. L was constantly reminded just how smart she was each time she brought up something new, and her ability to tell if someone was lying was something that sent his head spinning. She seemed to be able to bounce of someone's personality and respond in kind. That was probably why she and Light had been such good friends. He was more serious, and Ori balanced him out by being a major goofball. Although, it was a little different with Misa, but that was probably because it was Misa. No one could go out shopping as long as they did and not feel like shit after, unless Misa had a clone or something. 

L set that thought aside with a small chuckle and let himself cuddle into Ori's warm, soft body. His eyes drifted close and he put himself into this moment, when the morning was slow and they could worry about the real world in a few hours.

Kira could wait.

<> <> <>

When Ori woke up the next morning. She was by herself, wrapped in warm blankets. She didn't want to get up when she felt the light washing through the window and onto the too-big bed. She rolled over onto her stomach, cuddling into the pillow before finding that L wasn't there. She reached her hand over, finding a cold spot. He'd been gone for a while. 

_Probably wanted to get on the case as soon as possible._ She thought, chuckling outwardly. She rolled out of bed and went to stand, only to fall again when she felt the pain between her legs. 

"Well, damn." She said, in a cheerful tone. "That fucking hurts." She fell back against the bed, instantly reminded that she wasn't wearing a shirt. She groaned and searched around for any of her clothes, but was unable to find them. 

"Did he fuckin' take my clothes?" She asked as she lifted up the sheet to reveal nothing but white cloth. "If he took them, it better have been to wash them. Asshole." She slid off the side of the bed, wincing as she hit the floor. 

"This sucks."

She found a white, long-sleeved shirt placed carelessly on a chair next to the nightstand and snatched it. She tugged it over her head and used the bed to push her back into a standing position. The hem fell down to her knees, making her realize just how lanky L was. 

"Stupid giraffe." 

The walk back to her room for underwear nothing short of painful and embarrassing. She knew that everyone would be at the security cameras, but Ori kept imagining Matsui or Watari finding her when the elevator doors opened. She could picture it now, Matsui either making fun of her, or blushing madly like a simple-minded virgin. 

When she made it to her room, she collapsed on the bed and almost sobbing as she took her weight off her legs. She laid there for a while, almost falling asleep until she realized that she felt rather gross. A shower would be quicker, but Ori really didn't want to stand anymore, so a bath would have to do.

She practically crawled to her bathroom. She twisted the shower knob over and water flooded from the nozzle and into the tub. The water turned warm; Ori pushed herself up and then eased herself as slowly as she could into the water. 

She hissed as she hit the water and waited to move until she got used to the heat. She hated baths, but it was easier. 

She lathered her wet hair and pushed herself back up to her feet. She didn't hurt as much as before, but walking was definitely uncomfortable. 

Ori looked at the white shirt laying on her bed against the red and gold comforter. She smirked to herself and yanked it over her head after pulling on her underwear. She tugged on some spandex shorts and headed to the elevator. 

The one thing on her mind was how red she could make L's face.

<> <> <>

L was usually prepared for anything, but once again, Ori proved to him how simple-minded he was when it came to her. 

He had never understood the male desire to see their significant others in their clothes, but Ori walking up behind him wearing his shirt like a goddamn dress had him taking back every single insult he had ever muttered or thought against those poor souls. 

He was so screwed. 

It would've been one thing if Ori were taller. It wasn't that she looked like a child in his clothes, but she looked so dainty, so fragile and delicate, so-

_Lovable and heart-stoppingly adorable,_ was what came to mind. 

Luckily, all the Task Force members (meaning Matsuda and Aizawa) plus Watari were in the kitchen, so they wouldn't see L's pathetic display as Ori wrapped her small arms around his shoulders. 

"Hi," she said. She still sounded sleepy, but L was sure that was on purpose. Even with her arms raised, the shirt hid any possibility of her wearing shorts, and the smell of coconut and honey wafted into his nose like he was on a tropical island, and that new realization his L like a smack to the face.

Orien Nanase was trying to embarrass him. L almost wanted to laugh out loud, but he refrained himself. He wouldn't be smart about this. 

He lowered his feet to the ground and spun himself until he was face-to-face with Ori. She was smiling cutely, but he could see the mischief in those beautiful eyes. The gold practically glowed.

L gripped her waist to pull her closer, making a show of kissing her button nose. 

"Hi," he lowered his own voice and knew he had one. Ori let out a laugh and sagged against him.

"You caught onto my little game that quick, huh?" She said. 

"It wasn't hard when I realized that I could smell your body wash, but was still dressed in my shirt, meaning, you went to your room to take a shower but didn't put on your own clothes."

"Bath actually. I couldn't _stand_ standing for that long." L groaned and pushed Ori away gently.

"Then sit down. Matsui and the other two are in the kitchen, so we have at least another five minutes of peace."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "There is nothing I would not do for those who are really my friends. I have no notion of loving people by halves, it is not my nature."  
> ― Jane Austen


	48. This Wasn't The Plan

Light leaned against the wall of his cell. He'd sit on the bed, but honestly, the floor was more comfortable. Ryuk was standing next to him, body twisted up until his arms were dangling in the air behind his back and he was hopping on one leg to stay balanced. Light was still sure that the Shinigami was either faking his symptoms or was over exaggerating, but as long as he was under surveillance, he couldn't complain about it. 

Almost two weeks have gone by since Light 'turned himself in'. Just enough time for the deaths to stop and the Task Force to grow even more suspicious. He'd be getting rid of the Death Note soon, maybe a few more hours; he only hoped Ryuk wasn't stupid enough to forget to take the Death Note back when Light says to 'get rid of it'. That would mess up the entire operation. Ryuk wasn't stupid, but he was oblivious and ran on his own agenda. That almost proved difficult on several different occasions. Like the security cameras in Light's room. If Ryuk had missed a camera and ate an apple in a clear spot, that would've been impossible to explain away without giving up his entire plan. 

Ori was also an issue. When he suddenly forgot all of his memories of being Kira, he might try to convince them he's _not_ Kira, which will make Ori more of a problem to deal with. Her emotional state would be too fragile to properly work around his plan. He needed her to be vulnerable enough to become friends with Misa, but not so angry and devastated that she'll shut down or go running to L. Her mental state has been fragile enough since joining the Task Force; Light didn't need her messing everything up for him. 

"Hey, Light," Ryuk whispered, "how much longer do we need to be in here?" Light didn't know why he was whispering; it wasn't like anyone could hear him. He also didn't know why Ryuk was asking. Light couldn't respond while he was being walked. 

"Oh yeah, you can't respond," Ryuk said with a cackle. Light wasn't sure if he was being mocked and teased, or if Ryuk and truly forgotten that Light couldn't answer. He was starting to think that Shinigami were more trouble than they were worth. Rem had already been a pain in his ass with her obsession with Misa. At least she was out of his hair for now. The sooner Ryuk gives Rem his Death Note and she takes it to Yotsuba, the sooner Light can get out of this godforsaken cell. 

"How are you doing in there, Light?" L asked. 

_Perfect._ This was the opportunity Light needed. 

He tried shrugging his shoulders, but it was hard with the cuffs. "I think my pride's the one thing holding me back." He fought the twitching smile tugging at his mouth. "Maybe I need to just _get rid of it_." There was a small moment of silence, then Ryuk erupted in crazed laughter. It was so abrupt that Light jumped. Ryuk howled like a wolf crying to the moon. It was nothing short of animalistic. His limbs untangled and he hunched over until he was mere inches from Light's face. Those red, beady eyes seemed to stare into his soul. Light would recoil if he could. 

When Ryuk's mouth opened, something sour and acidic akin to rotten apples assaulted his nose. He could see the saliva stringing from his teeth. 

"It's been real fun, pal, and I'm sure that whatever you had planned would've been entertaining, but I already had a deal going with Ori. She promised me that I'd have a better seat to the show from her side, so the Death Note will be going to her. Enjoy yourself here, Light." If it were possible, Ryuk's black lips stretched further up his face. Panic gripped Light's throat like the steel cuffs on his wrist. Ori had undermined him? When? Did she know this whole time? No, she couldn't have. Ryuk said the Death Note was going to her, and her reaction to his confession said that she didn't know. 

Light bit back a gasp. 

"Did you realize it?" Ryuk asked with a rasping chuckle like he was trying to swallow ground coal and glass. "I touched Ori with a piece of the Death Note all the way back during the exams. She only knew for a few days, but decided to give up ownership in case something like this happened, and it did. Guess she knows you pretty well, kid." The Death God rolled back on his heels. Long, gnarly fingers intertwining. Light could breathe, couldn't swallow. He couldn't process what was happening. It was all over. 

"Now she'll know while you forget everything."

"No," Light choked out. His voice was nothing more than a pathetic whimper. 

"Hey, buddy. You told me to get rid of the Death Note, and I am." He rose to his towering height again, hair cocked to the side as he walked to the cell wall. His face never left Light's, forcing his neck to twist around grotesquely. 

"It was fun, Light, but you're a real asshole." His taunting voice echoed in Light's head until he vanished through the wall.

<> <> <>

The scream that broke through the air didn't belong to Misa, which was weird. The chair and the person in it that went clattering to the ground wasn't Matsuda, which was weirder. When Ori fell to the ground and brought her hands up to clutch her head, L thought that she had hit it or something. 

"Maggie?!" Matsuda jumped to his feet, rushing to her side. He rested a hand on her back, but she flinched away from him. She stumbled back further until she was using her elbows to hold her up. She was white-faced and sweating as her chest heaved. 

"What the fuck was that?" Aizawa asked. 

"N-nothing. It was nothing." She said too quickly. 

"You seriously expect us to believe that you screaming like your brain was about to explode was nothing?" Matsuda asked. Ori rose to her feet, her knees practically knocking together. L didn't know what to make of this situation. Ori looked like she'd seen a ghost. 

"I'm sorry. I fell out of my chair and hit my head. It's nothing. Doesn't even hurt anymore!" L's eyes narrowed as he watched her strain a smile. It was one of the worst attempts at lying he'd ever seen, and he'd listen to a man deny ever killing his wife when her blood covered his shirt and he'd written in a diary how he would go about doing it. 

"Honey," L started, but Ori just shook her head. It was clear she couldn't be pushed on the matter, but her scream had been too shrill to be just a bonk on the head. She sounded truly terrified. 

"Just let it go, L." She ran a hand through his hair, nails gently scraping along his scalp, making him shiver pleasantly. She picked up her chair and plopped down into it.

"Tell me what's wrong." He whispered. He caught her hand in his grasp, tugging her chair closer. Her shoulder pressed against his. She rested her head on his shoulder, breathing in and out deeply. The color was returning to her face.

"Aside from my ex-best friend being a suspect of murder and his girlfriend being a possible accessory, everything's great." She turned their hands so they were intertwined, but then released his, leaving it cold, when they heard Light shouting. 

"L! Ori! Listen to me! I'm _not_ Kira!" His voice was frantic and L moved away from Ori to grasp the mic. 

"Light Yagami, two weeks ago you came in here telling us you _were_ Kira, and in those two weeks, no criminals have died. How do you expect us to believe that you're not lying?"

"Please! You have to believe me!" He shouted. 

"He's not lying." Ori had taken his finger off the button so Light couldn't hear them.

"What? But you said he was telling the truth when he said he was Kira."

"Yeah, and he was telling the truth there and now." She looked earnestly into his eyes. Her eyes were dark in the dim light, but the gold was washed out in one eye in the light of the screens, making it look like her eyes were two different colors. 

"The same thing that happened to Misa happened to Light." The same thing. Did that mean Ori knew what the cause was, or was she guessing just because they both seemed to lose their memories of being accused of being Kira and Kira 2?

"I know what's happening." She whispered. Her words were like a stop sign, forcing L's thoughts to halt. 

"What?" He whispered back. 

"I know what's happening." She said again. "I know who Kira is, I know how they're killing, and I know why Misa and Light are acting like this." 

L turned his chair until he was facing her. "What? Who? How?! Tell me." His voice was rising to a loud, sharp whisper. Matsuda turned to face them.

"What are you guys talking about?"

"Nothing." They said in unison. Ori pulled him closer until their noses were almost touching and their shins were touching. 

"I can't exactly tell you, but I can show you later."

"Seriously?! Why not now?" L asked. Ori just tilted her head and threw her thumb back so L could see Matsuda and Aizawa looking between them and the cameras. 

"Ahh, yeah, that makes sense."

L had to wait five hours until he was able to drag Ori back to her room to get her to explain everything to him. They sat down on her bed, L's shirt riding up Ori's thighs, showing off the black shorts underneath. She insisted on wearing his shirts without pants, probably to see how long L could last before he got possessive and wrapped her up in a blanket to Matsuda couldn't stare at her. It was an overly specific example, but L wouldn't put it past her.

"All right, so what's going on?" He watched as Ori lifted up his shirt and pulled a small square of paper from under the fabric of her shorts. It looked like notebook paper. 

"Okay; when I show you this, you have to try to keep your freak out to a dull roar." She said. The paper was clenched in her small fist.

"You mean like your freak out earlier today?" She scrunched up her nose to make a face and held out the paper. He didn't exactly know what to do with it, and he just stared at it.

"I don't know what you want me to do with that." He said. Ori visibly bit back a groan and took his wrist. She tugged him close enough to kiss him breifly. His eyes closed as he let her warm aura float over him. 

"Just know that I love you and I'm sorry for any trauma this may give you." She whispered against his mouth and pressed the paper against his skin. His eyes remained closed until he heard a raspy voice to his left.

"Hey! Can you hear me? Can he hear me?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The sweetest smiles hold the darkest secrets..."  
> ― Sara Shepard


	49. God of the New World

Ori really wasn't sure what she expected when L slowly turned his head to see Ryuk's lanky body by the door, but him falling against the bed and screaming like he'd seen Death (which he did) sounded pretty good. 

He looked between Ori and Ryuk frantically, mouth opening and closing like a gaping fish. 

"I- you- it- we- _what_?!" His brows were bent back into the most expressive face Ori's ever seen him make. 

"Hey, the name's Ryuk and I'm a Shinigami, also known as a Death God," Ryuk said it as if he were introducing himself at an interview. L nodded deftly.

"Yes, all right, I understand everything about this." He turned away from Ryuk to meet Ori's face with crazed eyes. "There is _nothing_ about this that I understand." He hissed in a sharp, whispering tone. Ori took his hands, ran her thumbs over the sharp bones of his knuckles, and then set them back down in his lap. She raised herself up from the couch and moved between L and Ryuk. She sucked in a deep breath like she was hoping she could get the whole explanation out without being interrupted, which she was. 

" _Light is Kira and he's been using something called a Death Note to get rid of criminals._ " L scanned her face as if looking for any signs of lying. 

"Light is Kira."

"Yes."

"And he's been using a Death Note-"

"Yes."

"To kill criminals."

"Yes." L was quiet, interlacing his long digits together and resting his head on them. He looked at Ryuk, considering him closely. 

Then he broke out into pleased laughter.

"I was right." He shot up from the bed, scooped Ori up into his arms, and swung her around the room. 

"I was right! Not about the Death Note because who could possibly guess that something like _that_ exists, but Light is Kira!" His laughter was deep and melodic and contagious and had Ori laughing right along with him. 

Then the laughter stopped. 

Then L placed Ori gently back on her feet, hands placed gently on her waist. His eyes were sad, even if the rest of his face was still.

"That means that Light killed Vivian." He whispered. Ori's grip on his shirt tightened around his shoulders. 

"Yeah, I know." It wasn't something Ori had given much thought to since she got her memories of the Death Note back, but it hurt all the same. 

"Oh yeah, Light was trying to use Vivian's death to bring you closer to him," Ryuk said. 

"How did he think that was supposed to work?" L asked. He pulled Ori back onto the bed with him, his arm pulling her closer to him. Ori found herself snuggling into his comforting warmth.

"He was hoping that you'd be so crushed that he could come swooping in like your best friend and get you on his side." Ryuk crossed his legs under him and sank to the floor. Ori spotted the bowl of fruit on her kitchen counter, a number of apples glinting in the natural lighting. 

"That's some real fucked up yandere shit," Ori said as she exited from under L's arm and made her way to the bowl. She picked out an apple and threw it to Ryuk.

"Now about the Death Note," L started, "what is it exactly, may I see it?" 

"Yeah, Light wanted to lose all of his memories of the Death Note for a while to make him look more innocent, then he'd find a way to kill you." Ryuk pulled the Death Note from the little metal cage that dangled at his narrow waist. 

"But Kira needs a name and a face, right?" L asked. 

"Yeah, but for us Shinigami, we don't exactly need to already know your name. Your real name and how long you have to live is placed all floaty like above your head."

"So then how did Misa kill with only a face?"

"She has the Shinigami eyes. If a Death Note owner trades half their life away, they're gifted with the ability to know everyone's name and how long they have to live."

"Even I didn't know that," Ori said. 

"Well, you didn't ask." Ryuk handed her the Death Note and she handed it to L.

"There's a bunch of rules as to how the Death Note works," Ori told him. "Maybe we could use the rules to find a way to beat Light."

L was flicking through the many pages of names in the Death Note. "Exactly, we could get Light to remember, tell him we know everything, and he should confess."

"But, L, the Death Note has everything we need to convict Light." She took the Death Note from his hands, showing him the thousands of names Light had written down. "The names match Light's handwriting and the rules support nearly everything he's done, I mean-" she stopped to read off one of the rules.

" _If the cause of death is not specified, the person will simply die of a heart attack._ None of these deaths are specified, and all the victims died of heart attacks."

"But who would believe us without the Death Note; we'll have to take this to a court of law. Besides, if we brought the Death Note, we'd have to show them it's real by either killing someone or showing them Ryuk, which, either way, would be really bad. Either we kill someone, or we give them all heart attacks of their own or risk them going insane."

"L's got a point," Ryuk said. "Remember that bus jacker, he went nuts after seeing me. Shot through the glass and then got hit by another car."

"See?" L asked. "We can't risk something like that."

"Okay, then what about Matsui, Aizawa, and the Chief? Won't they need to be in the loop for this to work?"

"Yes, that's true." He conceded. "But there's something I want to be sure of." He turned his gaze to Ryuk, who was now happily crunching on his apple. 

"Shinigami - Ryuk, was it?" Ryuk nodded. "Ryuk, why was Light killing criminals?" Ryuk finished off his apple with one last bite.

"Light would go on and on and on about wanting to get rid of all the evil in the world. He said he wanted to be some kind of god to the new world. The kid was ambitious, I'll give him that, but he boarded of obsession. It was a real buzz kill."

"Yeah, that sounds like Light." Ori said.

"And it supports my theory about Kira's god complex, but if he killed all criminals, then he'd be the only evil left."

"That's what I said!" Ryuk exclaimed. "But he basically said it wouldn't count because he'd be a god."

"Dude really wants to be a god, huh?" Ori said. Ryuk nodded, almost sadly. "So wait, if the Death Note comes with a Death God, does that mean Misa had one?"

"Yeah, her name's Rem. She's a buzzkill too, all about protecting Misa."

"So where's Rem now?" Ori asked. If Rem was on Misa's side and Misa was glued to Light's side still, they'd need to get Rem to team up with them. She was obsessed with protecting Misa, so Ori had to prove that Misa would be safer with them than if she were with Light, but how could she do that. Misa's responsible for deaths too. Even if she didn't get the death penalty, she'd definitely get a long prison sentence. 

"I think she's waiting at our meeting spot. I was supposed to give the Death Note to her, then she'd give the Death Note to some shoddy businessman at Yotsuba."

"Can you bring her here? We need to strike a deal with her to get her and Misa to our side, even if Misa doesn't know it." Ryuk nodded, disappearing through the wall.

"Why do you think he's helping us?" L asked. 

"This is all for entertainment to him. As long as he thinks he'll get something out of this, he'll do whatever." 

"I just hope this plays out well for us." L said. He wrapped his arms around Ori, bringing her flush against his chest. He snuggled into her wild curls, arms strong and sure in a new world hell-bent on tearing everything apart. 

"Me too."

<> <> <>

"Did Light give up the Death Note?" Rem's dead voice was as irritating as ever, but Ryuk brushed it off with a cackle. 

"Yeah, but there's actually been a change of plans."

"What kind of change?" The bones holding Rem together clicked and clattered as she moved closer. Her one yellow snake-eye was bright and more than a little unnerving. 

"Ori and L have the Death Note now, and they want to strike a deal with you."

"You gave the girl the Death Note?! But what about Light's plan?" Her flat voice took on something of urgency, bouncing off the dead trees surrounding them.

"My plan with Ori was set in stone long before Light's ideas." Ryuk would never admit it out loud, but he was rather fond of Ori and her little detective boyfriend. It helped that Light was a jerk. Ori was actually really nice. 

"What deal do they wish to make with me?" The fog carded through Rem's ribs, looking like ghostly hands, 

"I'm not completely sure, but I'm sure it's regarding Misa's safety." Rem hesitated for a second, clearly thinking which course of action was best. If they went with Light's plan, victory was basically a given, but with L and Ori, they didn't even know what they wanted to do. Things were getting tricky. 

"I'll hear them out," Rem said at last, "but if I don't think what they have to say is in Misa's best interest, then I'm taking the Death Note to Yotsuba."

"That's fair." Rem unfurled her white, leathery bat wings and set off into the air. Ryuk released his own black wings and followed after her. Now that Light didn't remember anything, they were basically free to do whatever they wanted, something Ryuk hadn't really been able to do since teaming up with Light.

When Rem and Ryuk flew into Ori's room, the two love birds were cuddled up together under the covers watching something on Ori's computer.

"Hey, guys! I brought Rem." Rem handed Ryuk her Death Note to let L and Ori touch. When they did, Ori jumped off the bed and circled Rem like she was something interesting she saw in a museum. 

"Amazing. I didn't know Shinigami could look so different." Ryuk could see L smiling softly at her from the corner of his eye. 

"We're not very different from you humans." Rem said. Her wings curled back into her and she slouched lower to meet Ori's gaze a little easier, though, thinking about Ori's height, that looked a little easier said than done. It looked hilarious though.

"All right, Ms. Nanase, I'll hear what you have to say, but if I don't think it'll protect Misa, then I won't side with you." Ori nodded, seating herself back on the bed. Ryuk wandered over to the fruit bowl, snatching another apple and bringing it to his mouth with a loud crunch. 

"I completely understand. Misa only became Kira 2 because of her love for Light and Kira. If he hadn't started all of this, then she wouldn't be in a holding cell right now. I want to come up with a plan that will keep Misa ignorant and out of harm's way when things with Light start to go down." 

Ryuk watched as Rem seemed to physically deflate with relief. She smiled a little, then nodded her consent.

"I see. Okay, little humans, what is your plan?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I hope that real love and truth are stronger in the end than any evil or misfortune in the world."  
> ― Charles Dickens


	50. Trust the Shinigami

Ori really wanted to immediately jump into the plan, but there were a few problems. One, there was no plan; two, Ori had to make sure that Misa's safety seemed like their top priority. Ori was about to be pulling a lot of ideas out of her ass. 

"I think the first step is to keep Misa oblivious about the whole thing." L said. Ori almost collapsed with the relief she felt. 

_Oh my god, I didn't have to talk first, holy shit._

"Exactly," Ori said like she had this in mind the whole time. "If we keep Misa's memory of the Death Note away from her, then she can't be convicted; none of the evidence points to Misa."

"But none of the evidence points to Light either." Said Rem. "Aside from the Death Note and his confession, which he has now gone back on because of his memory loss, you have nothing, and I'm sure you don't want people to see us in your law court."

"And if we don't show you to them, they won't believe us." Ori realized. "They'll think the Death Note is just some edgy teen's diary and all the dead criminals he killed is just a list _after_ they died, but we can't worry about that now. Our first priority is keeping Misa out of the loop. She's not Kira 2 anymore, and no one can prove otherwise." She turned to Rem, desperate to not be unnerved by that singular golden snake eye.

"We can move any charge that would be on Misa over to Light. He was telling her what to do, so even now she's only an accomplice, but as long as we make sure Light doesn't mention her, no one will say she had anything to do with it."

"I could just write Light's name in the Death Note right now." Ryuk offered, but L just shook his head. 

"Then people won't know what happened to Kira. Enough people worship him to cause riots."

"But they'd never do that;" Ori said. "People wouldn't just outwardly come out and say they want Kira back, it would be restricted to the internet." A smile tugged at her mouth. "I think you just want people to know that you won."

"That too." He said with little hesitation. 

"What if we stage an announcement where Kira says he gives up, and then I kill Light?" Ryuk said, almost gleefully. 

"I don't want to be responsible for anyone else's death," Ori said.

"But you wouldn't be. It would be me writing his name down."

"But-"

"Listen, kid," Ryuk said, suddenly serious, "I told Light that when he died, it would be me writing his name down. I don't care what you decide, but when he dies, it'll be because I put his name in the Death Note."

"Are you using a heart attack?" Ori found herself asking. Ryuk nodded his confirmation, and Ori found herself nodding along. "Makes sense."

"So as long as we take charge of the rest of the investigation, you'll be the one to actually kill him?" L asked. Ryuk threw a thumbs up with his trademark smile.

"You're seriously going to let him write Light's name down?!"

"Honey, even without Ryuk's help, he'd be facing the death penalty anyway. Though, if Kira just suddenly stopped, I'm sure people would move on rather shortly."

"No, they wouldn't!" Ori felt appalled, but she was glad he at least told her what he wanted the plan to be this time. "Once criminals stop dying, people are going to realize they can commit crimes again, then people will start wondering where Kira is and the websites will blow up."

"That would happen anyway. Honey, you're arguing something that would pass no matter what." She had no rebuke to that. He was right. No matter what happened, if they convicted Light, he'd die and people would wonder where their 'savior' went. But they couldn't just _kill_ him, right? Ori couldn't be the one to tell Ryuk to write his name down and then move on with her life. It felt... almost anti-climactic. This couldn't be about the drama of it all, and yet Ori found herself wanting a more satisfying ending. 

She sighed, running a hand over her face and through her hair. 

"Fine, but we need to get the other two in the loop; they should at least know, then we can go from there.

"This whole thing was supposed to be about keeping Misa ignorant, and I think that even if we keep her out of the loop, you'll continue to watch over her, right?" Ori turned to Rem. 

"Yes, I watched her even when she didn't have the Death Note; I can do it again."

"That's kind of a creepy way to say it but okay. We convict Light, keep Misa ignorant, and move on with our lives. Easy peasy."

"You say that like we have evidence against Light. We're dealing with something different than what we previously thought." L said. 

"So we keep Misa ignorant, find evidence against Light other than the Death Note even if there is none, convict Light, and _then_ we move on with our lives. Easy peasy."

"What if we plant evidence?" Ryuk asked. 

"What kind of evidence would we plant?" L asked. "There is no evidence that could support what he's done. Even so, ever since he's been locked up, the deaths have stopped."

"But that can't be everything we use. People could easily chalk that up to the 'real Kira' taking a break or framing Light."

"But then people would still know that the 'real Kira' is still in the Task Force, which would lead them back to Light eventually."

"L, who was locked up right after Light?" Ori watched as L's eyes instantly opened with realization. 

"Chief Yagami locked himself up. People would think he felt guilty and then see Light as an accomplice."

"And then they'd see Misa as a part of it because she's his girlfriend. Anyone with any relation would have a target painted on their back."

"Even Ori." Ryuk butted in cheerfully. Ori gave him a dead stare.

"Not helping, Ryuk."

"Got it." He said with two thumbs-ups. "Talking about people thinking you're Kira is off the table."

"It was never _on_ the table!"

"I'll help you." Rem said. Since they had gotten so off-topic, it almost sounded sudden.

"What?" Ori's eyes widened. 

"I said I'll help you. As long as Misa stays safe, and I can continue to watch over her, I'll help you, but if something goes wrong and Misa gets hurt, or I think you'll fail, I'm handing the Death Note over to Yotsuba." Ori wanted to be happy, but the dread was too much. If even one thing went wrong, then the whole operation would sink.

"Understood." The two Shinigamis unfurled huge wings and flapped through the closed window. The wing blew Ori's hair into her face and scattered papers around the room. As Ori spit her hair from her mouth, L looked unaffected. He curled into himself on the bed, chewing on his thumb and staring off into space. Ori sat down next to him, almost afraid to touch him like he would lash out or shrug her off.

"What'cha thinkin' about?" She tried. He didn't answer, but she waited for him to speak. He took his thumb from his mouth. With his brows furrowed and expression troubled, he laced his fingers together.

"What if we let Ryuk write Light's name down? Or what if we did it ourselves? The whole thing could be over so quick."

"When I read through the Death Note's rules when I first met Ryuk, I saw that there was a rule that said whoever uses the Death Note can neither go to Heaven or Hell and even when Light _is_ Kira, I don't know if I want to kill him the same way he killed others."

"If the user can't go to Heaven or Hell, where do you think they go?" Ori turned her gaze to the window where Rem and Ryuk exited. L followed her eyes. 

"You think they become Shinigamis." It wasn't a question.

"Earlier, Rem had said that humans and Shinigamis weren't very different, and they even look a little human, and they'd have to get their Death Notes from _somewhere._ I don't know; it's just a thought."

"Imagine Light as a Shinigami." His voice tilted with humor.

"I really don't want to; I'm too tired." Ori fell back into her bedding. She tugged on L's shirt until he leaned back next to her.

"We'll have to tell the others about the Death Note at some point for this to work." He said, breaking the silence. 

"I know, but how should we do it? Should we just have them touch it? Or should we try to ease them into it?"

"We should rip the band-aid off. They should just touch the book, see Rem and Ryuk, freak out a little, especially Matsui, and then give them time to calm down."

"That actually sounds like a good idea." Ori let her eyes flutter closed. She smiled at the feeling of L carding through her hair.

"I should just cut it off." She murmured, mouth lax with sleep. 

"Not all of it." L told her. She let out a tired laugh. "I say cut it to your belly button." He poked the center of her stomach and she laughed, rolling into him so he couldn't do it again.

"I think we should give Light his memories back, make him confess, and call it quits." He said. Even if Ori had the energy to argue, she wouldn't. She just nodded and let her consciousness fade.

"Good night, Honey." 

* * *

Ori was pushed back against the wall, blood pooling down her back and nose, knife held up against her throat. It pressed harder against her neck and she felt the wet dribble of blood spill down her collar bone. Breathing was difficult, and Ori could feel the knife touch something it wasn't supposed to. She jolted at the slight, but painful, pressure, trying to get away, but there was nowhere to go. 

"Just stay quiet, Honey; I promise it won't hurt for very long." The dark blue-green eyes that stared down at her belonged to Vivian, but they didn't look how they were supposed to. They were crazed and wild. Something sadistic swam in their depths. 

A single pathetic whimper fell past Ori's lips and she was promptly shushed by the feeling of a wet, bloodied finger compressed her mouth. The smell of iron assaulted her nose and she gagged, only to wince at the sharp pulse of pain in her throat.

"Shh~ sh~, moving will only make it worse." Vivian's voice was a strained whisper. As if she were pushing down the urge to just finish the job. Tears flowed down Ori's face, wetting the finger at her mouth even further. 

"No need to cry, Honey, I'll make it feel better." Her words of promise didn't match her action of stabbing through Ori's hand. With the blood filling her throat, she let out a garbled cry. It sounded like she was screaming underwater. The pressure of her scream forced blood to flow from the cut in her neck and her mouth. She couldn't breathe. The blood stopped any airflow that would've happened. In a panic, she tried to breathe in, but she choked and couched, forcing more blood to escape her. It felt like a sick cycle and she didn't know how long it went on. She didn't know if she had blacked out at all or if she was awake for the whole thing. During the time, Vivian tried to calmly shush her. She assured Ori that everything would be okay and the pain was temporary, but it never ended. It didn't stop and Ori was sure she wouldn't die; she'd be stuck in this state for the rest of her life, painfully screaming and choking on her own blood while her mother brushed her hair back with sticky fingers. Ori's chest spasmed and twitched and she tried to reach the knife in her hand. Vivian stopped her and held Ori's free hand in hers. 

"It's okay, sweetie. It doesn't hurt. I promise that it doesn't hurt." The promise was about as true as Ori was happy, but as she felt the blood fill her lungs, Ori figured it didn't matter anymore. 

Nothing mattered. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "If you gave someone your heart and they died, did they take it with them? Did you spend the rest of forever with a hole inside you that couldn't be filled?"  
> ― Jodi Picoult


	51. I Know Your Secret

Ori woke up with a start, gasping and clawing at her throat like the gash was still there. Her breath was ragged and it felt like it would take an eternity to get back to normal. L was up next to her, grasping her sweaty hands and trying to talk to her, but his voice was muffled under the ringing in her ears. When she was finally able to calm down, she could finally hear L's voice.

"Hey, hey, it was just a nightmare, all right? Everything's okay." He pulled her against him, his narrow shoulders hunched low, and framed her back like a wall. She was distantly aware that she was sobbing. L was playing with her hands, smoothing his thumb over the skin of her palm and tracing the sides of her fingers. Ori sucked in a stuttering breath and let it rush from her lungs, now open and free of blood. She curled in on herself. She stuffed her face in her hands and let her shoulders shake violently with each heart-shattering sob. L's own hands moved down her wrists, forearms, until they settled at her stomach, crossed and soothing and warm. He didn't speak, only guarded her against any more nightmares.

Slowly, the sobbing and shaking slowed until Ori's chest wasn't spasming anymore and she could breathe easily again.

"Vivian again?" He whispered. Ori nodded against him; she was finally sucking in smooth and deep breaths, only hitching every now and then. The tears didn't stop, and Ori's eyes burned, but they'd slowed to just a few droplets. 

It was like Ori's view of Vivian had changed into something horrid and perverse since her death. The nightmares turned from Vivian apologizing and urgently telling Ori she loved her to Vivian becoming some sick sadist who wanted nothing more than to cause Ori excruciating pain. 

"She's become the villain in my mind." She said quietly. "I can't stop thinking that maybe Kira didn't make her do it. What if she did it all of her own volition? What if she had some psychological problems and the stress just made her snap? What if she killed herself all on her own, and Light had nothing to do with it?"

"Honey, you know that's not true. Vivian loved you so much; you were the sun to her. She'd never do something like that with a clear head." His voice murmured low in her ear, lips brushing against the skin. There was nothing sexual about it; just calming. 

"I'm here with you. You're okay." He shifted them so Ori was sitting across his lap, cradled like a baby, while he leaned back against the headboard of the bed. She leaned against his chest, listening to his strong heartbeat. 

_Thump. Thump. Thump._ She was okay. 

"I miss her." She didn't realize she said it until the words left her mouth and drifted into the air. 

"I know." They stayed like that until Ori was able to fall asleep again. She didn't dream again. 

When Ori woke the next morning, L was still there, awake and holding her close.

"How's your back?" Was the first thing he said. 

"It doesn't hurt anymore." Ori tried not to flinch as L touched her shoulder. His fingers gently wiggled over her shoulder blade.

"Is this okay? I can stop." Ori's heard of exposure therapy. It was something people did to treat anxiety disorders without truly causing them any hard; Ori never thought it was something she'd have to do.

"It's okay." His hands drifted lower, slow and careful, along the ridge of her scar until his hands settled at the small of her back, then repeated the process going up. It tingled as he moved his flattened palms in an almost sickening way; Ori shoved down the feeling welling up in her stomach and tried to focus on the fact that L's movements weren't malicious or ill-intentioned. They were gentle and loving; there was no knife scraping across her skin. She was okay. This was okay.

Until it wasn't. 

Without saying anything, Ori gently took herself out of L's grasp and headed to the door, trying to act like she didn't move from her spot because of him. He didn't say anything, didn't even seem to notice, and stood up with her.

"We should get the others on the same page as us about the Death Note." She told him. He grabbed the black notebook from in between the covers and held it up.

"We'll have to be careful with how we do it; we don't want them freaking out."

<> <> <>

"WHAT?!" It was that moment that L realized that no matter how he and Ori told Matsuda and Aizawa about the Death Note, the reaction would be painfully over-exaggerated, and they hadn't even let them touch it yet.

"So much for careful," Ori muttered next to him. L ignored her in favor of opening the book.

"The Death Note is what Light's been using to kill criminals since December, what's so hard about that to understand?"

"Since December, really?" Ori asked. "Isn't it like... March?"

"March 13th, yeah." Matsuda said. Ori gave a low whistle. 

"Damn. Anyway, the Death Note is legit; it comes with a free Shinigami."

"A Death God? Where is it?" Matsuda looked around like it would appear out of nowhere to scare him.

"You can't see her unless you touch the Death Note, but L and I haven't seen her since last night."

"We're right here." Came Ryuk's voice behind them. Ori jolted frozen, shoulders scrunched together and eyes wide, which sent Aizawa on high alert. Having a daughter of his own made him more protective of Ori than anyone else in the Task Force.

"What?! Is it here in the room?" He looked frantic. Ori settled herself, shaking her hand lazily, trying to hide the shaking.

"It's fine. There's two Shinigamis here, and one decided to announce himself without even announcing himself."

"I told you we were here," Ryuk said, "what do you want from me?" He took his own Death Note from the case at his hip, handing it over to Ori.

"You'll need this one for them to see me." He said. Ori nodded her thanks and handed it to Matsuda, but when he reached for it, she retracted her hand.

"Just a warning: the Shinigami are _really_ tall and _will_ take you by surprise." Matsuda nodded and grabbed the book. He gasped and looked up over Ori's head at Ryuk's grinning face. He spoke in an awed, whispering tone.

"I guess the first hint to you telling the truth should've been you pulling a notebook out of thing air." He handed it over to Aizawa, who gasped and stared too, and took the Death Note from L and looked at Rem before handing that one to Aizawa too.

"Holy shit, so that means Light really is Kira?" He asked. Ori nodded solemnly.

"Not only that, but his notes match the hand writing of the names in the book. If you look, they're all the names of the deceased. 

"Well, maybe that just means that Light's been writing down the names _after_ they all died. It doesn't exactly mean he's Kira." Matsuda said with a rushed tone. He looked desperate.

"No, Light was _definitely_ Kira." Ryuk said. "He would go on these psychotic rants about how he's better than L and smarter than L, and how he's gonna be the god of the new world. He'd get super into it and laugh like some deranged lunatic."

"That part I did not know about." Ori said. "But everything else checks out."

"Seriously!? Then why has he been going back and forth on whether or not he's Kira?"

"If you give up the ownership, then you lose all memories of it, meaning Light's lost all memories about being Kira." L explained. Matsuda looked like his whole world had just exploded. 

"So what's the plan here?" Aizawa tore his eyes away from the Shinigami behind them, back in business mode.

"We want to give L back his memories of the Death Note and have him confess. I don't think we'll need a written confession because of the security cameras, but if we do, I'm sure we can get that too." L knew they were working and a little on the clock, but listening to Ori talk detective was pretty hot.

"When do you want to do that?" Aizawa asked.

"Right now." L responded. It'll be just Maggie and I while you two stay and watch the cameras. We'll leave Rem's Death Note with you while we work."

"May I be in the loop?" Watari came out from behind Ryuk's towering frame. L nodded and gestured for Aizawa and Matsuda to give Watari the notebooks. He stared wide-eyed and the Shinigami's appearances, but didn't freak out like Matsuda had. Always depend on Watari to have a mild reaction when you want one.

"Oh my. This does change some things, though I suppose it make sense for how Light has been killing without needing to be present."

"Yes, now, Maggie and I will be in the cell with Light trying to get answers out of him. I want _everyone_ watching, even Watari." They all nodded and Watari gave a 'yes, sir' and handed one of the Death Notes to Ori and they took the elevator down to the basement. When they made it there, Light was silent. He was slouched forward in the back of his cell, asleep. L took the keys from his pocket and slid the cell door open after unlocking it. Ori hesitantly went to touch Light's head with the notebook, and then stopped and whirled around to face L. 

"Do you think we should make sure he has nothing on him he can use against us when he gets his memories back?"

"When we took him in, he only had his watch."

"But this is Light we're talking about; for all we know, he could have a piece of the Death Note in the watch at his disposal."

"That's a good point. Take the watch."

Now with Light's watch off his wrist and in Ori's hand, she tapped his head with the Death Note. He lurched up violently, hitting his head on the cement wall and shouting out, whether in pain or getting his memories back, L didn't know. Ori's expression was like murky waters being disturbed by a rough hand. She was trying to hide everything she was feeling, but her left brow twitched up and down.

Light's hands were still cuffed, but if they weren't, L was sure he'd be grabbing his head in pain like Ori had done. When he finally stopped screaming, he was breathing hard and still looking down. He didn't life his head until Ori kicked him in the shin. There was force behind it, but not enough to actually hurt him.

"How's it hangin', Kira?" Ori asked. "I almost feel bad that your little Yotsuba stunt didn't work out as planned, but seeing as you killed my mother and thousands of others, all I want to tell you is to rot in hell, but we both know you're not even going there."

"I don't know what you're talk-"

"Lie." Ori stopped him by patting his head with the Death Note again. She was remarkably calm for someone facing her mother's killer. L didn't know how long this would last.

"You _do_ know what I'm talking about, and we even have Matsuda, Aizawa, and Watari in the loop. They're all hangin' out with Rem and Ryuk upstairs in the camera room. It's amazing how people will believe you when you have solid evidence and multiple witnesses supporting your claim."

"I'm not Kira."

"You're still lying. Just tell the truth; Ryuk already told us he'd kill you using the Death Note at some point so it's not like you're not _already_ on death row." Ori groaned, exasperated, which was fair, seeing as Light was clearly fighting a losing battle.

"Just confess, and this whole thing will go a lot smoother. You have no escape plans, no one else besides your dad is on your side, and I took your watch." Ori held up the silver rolex with a pitied frown. "Even Rem is siding against you now. We promised Misa's innocence since she no longer has her memories and can finally live a normal life again. Rem understands that she's only tight up, gagged and blindfolded because she had ties to you, so just confess, and we can get this over with." Light refused to talk, and Ori bent down low. Handing the Death Note over to L, she stooped low and whispered something in Light's ear.

<> <> <>

"We all know, Light. I know your secret, L knows, Matsuda knows, Aizawa knows. Your father's the only one out of the loop, and we plan on telling him as soon as you confess." Ori's voice was taunting in his ear. How could everything go so wrong? Light had plan after plan all backed up in case something didn't go his way, and yet nothing pointed to this outcome. Unspeakable rage surged through Light's body and it took everything he had to not lurch forward and smash his head against Ori's, but she was already moving away, mouth twitching like she didn't know whether to smile or frown. Something squeezed in his chest as he bit back a snarl. 

"I'm. Not. Kira."

"Do we need to tie you up to a lie detector test?! We know! Almost everyone here knows you're Kira, so who are you trying to save face for!? No one believes you!" Ori's face twisted with rage, her mouth curled back and she looked like a rabid dog. Light's chest throbbed again and he scooched forward, for what? He didn't know. Ori planted her foot in the center of his chest, keeping him in place.

"Your finger prints are all over the book and it's your handwriting there with all the names of the deceased. If we need to, I'll show Rem and Ryuk to a federal judge, I don't care!"

"Your finger prints are on the book too; you clearly don't truly care about me confessing to the murders." Her face went slack with confusion. "You just want me to say I killed Vivian. You want me to say that I killed her to get you back on my side because as long as the human-lie-detector was too foggy eyed to see the truth, then the world's greatest detective wouldn't be able to stop me! You want me to go into detail about how I planned your mother's death and the satisfaction I felt days later when I saw you lying in that hospital bed, broken and alone! You had nothing and I was going to swoop in and be your hero because I needed you on my side because Misa was so _stupid_ she'd ruin _everything_ I planned!" Light was grasping at straws now. He was desperately pulling at the sorest spot he could on Ori's body and it was _working_. She backed up slowly as he leaned forward, spit flying from his mouth, but he didn't care.

"You want me to tell you that I imagined killing you whenever I wanted and how I'd do it! Maybe I'd make it look like an accident. Make the elevator snap and have you plummet to your demise? Make you fall down a flight of stairs and give you head trauma? Or maybe I'd make you have a heart attack like all of the other criminals! Because you're a fraud, Orien Nanase! You're faker than I could ever hope to be! You play cheerful, you play nice, but everyone knows how _evil_ you are inside. Maybe if you weren't desperately trying to be a goody two shoes, you could've joined me! We could've planned everything and I would've killed off Misa long before I ever had to pretend to be her boyfriend! You want the truth? I'll tell you! I'M KIRA!! And I had you all wrapped around my finger-"

<> <> <>

Light collapsed in a heap before them, spit pooling from his mouth and creating a puddle on the rough cement. The two of them stared blankly at his slumped over body, and Ori gently nudged him with her foot. 

He didn't move.

"He's..." Ori trailed off.

"Dead." L finished for her. "He's dead."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "I became insane, with long intervals of horrible sanity."  
> ― Edgar Allan Poe


	52. The End

The next few hours passed by in a slow blur. Ori remembered going back up to the security rooms, talking with a mouth that didn't belong to her, and then winding up back in her room. Up until now, her body had been moving on auto-pilot.

"Honey? Are you feeling better now?" L pulled her down until her dead rested on his lap. She didn't fight against his grip; just let him comb his hands through her hair. Her scalp tingled where he touched. 

"He's dead."

"I know."

"Light's dead."

"... I know."

<> <> <>

L had to pull Ori away from Light's body. Her eyes were wide and glazed over as he tugged her to the elevator and into the security room. 

Aizawa and Matsuda were staring at Light's body over the monitors, and Rem was standing off somewhere to the side, but Ryuk was nowhere to be seen.

"I guess we got our proof that he was Kira," Matsuda said. 

"He confessed to everything," Ori whispered. "He confessed to the killings, he confessed to dragging Misa into it,"

"He confessed to Vivian's murder." L finished for her. She didn't move or speak, just kept her eyes cast off somewhere else. 

"How should we break the news to Chief?" L had never seen Aizawa look unsure of himself.

"He lied to all of us," Matsuda whispered. "He lied to us and looked for Kira when we should've-" he broke off with a frustrated groan. He locked his eyes on L, tears welled up at the corners. "I'm sorry we didn't believe you."

"Not one of us could've predicted the outcome. I think we should follow Aizawa's lead and focus on how we're going to tell the chief."

"Excuse me," came Rem's hollow voice. She was holding out her long, claw-like hand. "I'd like to give Ryuk his Death Note back." L looked at the black book in his hands. So many people died because of this book. 

"Would you mind we hold onto it for a little while longer?" He asked. "We're going to need proof along with the videotape to show the chief that his son was Kira." Rem seemed hesitant, like she didn't want to stay longer than she had to, but she eventually nodded. 

"Five minutes, then I'll be taking his Death Note back."

"Understood." L turned to Ori. Her hand was still in his, limp. "Stay here, Ori." She didn't not her confirmation that she understood. He let her hand go and it fell against her side. He turned to Matsuda; he was watching Ori with worried eyes. 

"I want you to watch over her. Maybe try to get her to eat something." He nodded, and that was everything L needed to leave them all alone. Rem walked with him, though he didn't know why, nor did he question it and stayed silent.

Chief Yagami was in a different section of the jail cells, meaning he hadn't heard Light's confession. When L stood on the other side of his cell, the old man perked up in his seat, a small smile of hope pulling at his mouth. L tried not to tear his eyes away from the glimmer in his eyes.

"Is it over? Has Light been freed?" L swallowed thickly. 

"It's over, but Light hasn't been freed." Chief Yagami's head tilted in confusion, mouth tugged down.

"What do you mean? Light wasn't really Kira, was he? Not my boy." He cast his eyes to the book in L's hands. "What's that?" L looked at the Death Note. Speaking was becoming increasingly difficult. 

"This is the murder weapon." He croaked. 

"I don't understand." He stood up from his seat in the middle of the room and walked closer to the bars. "It's just a book."

L inwardly cursed. "This book is called a Death Note. It has the power to kill anyone whose name is written in it." He sucked in a slow breath. This was the moment of truth. 

"Light was using it to kill criminals. He was Kira." Yagami's old eyes crinkled as he narrowed them. 

"No, he wasn't." His tone was so finalizing, L almost believed him. 

"Chief Yagami, plea-"

"Not my boy. I know Light and he's not a killer. He wouldn't do something like this." With shaky hands, L opened the book. Inside, he should Chief Yagami the seemingly endless pages of names and even some of the scenarios where some people would die.

"The handwriting matches his." Chief Yagami reached out to touch the book, and, for a moment, L almost pulled back; he didn't want Yagami to see Rem and freak out, but then he remembered that it was Rem's Death Note and he was gone, so he let Chief Yagami take the thin notebook in his hands and flip through the pages. 

"He wrote this? No. That would mean that... Vivian. Ori's own mother." His eyes were frantic as he looked at L. "She treated him like her own. She loved him like a son."

"I'm sorry, sir."

"Where is he? Where's my son? I need to speak to him!" He grabbed the bars with white hands, face pale. "Where's Light."

_Say it._

"He-"

_Just say it, goddammit._

"He's still in his cell- but, Chief Yagami, there's something you need to know."

"What?" The words were stuck in his throat. "What?!"

"Light, your son, he's..."

"He's what? Tell me, L! Where is my son?!"

Stealing his nerves, L squared his shoulders, looked Yagami in the eye, and opened his mouth.

"Your son's dead... sir."

* * *

Light was still in his cell, laid over on his side, unmoving. With slow steps, Soichiro crept closer to his son's body. He was a foot away when he collapsed to his knees, grappling at his son's corpse to pull him closer and gather him up in his arms. He wept silently, his shoulders shaking. L could hear him whispering to himself. 

"No. Not my boy. Not my son. Why?" He turned his face to L, tears and snot running down his face. "Why did he have to be Kira? Why my son?" It was that moment where L realized he had a choice. He could call Light was he was, a deranged psychopath with a god-complex, especially in his last moments, or he could preserve Soichiro's image of his son, at least until he saw Light's confession. 

"He wanted to make the world a better place, Chief. He just wanted people to be happy and carefree in a world without crime or heartbreak." L could see himself like this in his mind. Crying and holding Ori's or Watari's body close and begging the world why it had to be one of them. He could picture Ori's sea glass eyes, lifeless like they were back in that hospital, her body a cold, dead weight against him. Sick nausea rose up from his stomach and clogged his throat. He spoke around it the best he could. 

"How did he die?" Soichiro asked. He was petting Light's hair away from his face with trembling fingers. 

"Heartattack, sir."

"But what-"

"It was a Shinigami." Came Rem's voice. Soichiro jumped, staring at the horrifying Death God with wide, tear stained eyes. 

"What?" His tone was disbelieving. "What the hell is that thing?" He looked to L for answers. 

"It's a Shinigami, also known as a Death God. Her name's Rem." Soichiro didn't seem to care about that last bit of information. 

"Did you do this?" He asked Rem. "Did you kill my son?!" His voice was cracked raw with emotion. 

"No," said Rem. "It was another one of my kind. A Shinigami named Ryuk." 

"So he was Kira? Light was the killer? Does that mean that Misa was the second Kira?" Soichiro's grip on Light went slack a little

"Yes, but due to unforeseen circumstances, she's lost her memories and will be let go."

"So she's being let go while my son is dead?"

"I'm very sorry, Yaga-"

"Can I be alone please?" His voice cut through L's apology. "I'd like to mourn my son."

"Of course. Take all the time you need." L awkwardly backed away from the opening in the cell and walked down the hallway. Rem walked behind him. 

"I didn't expect you to stay."

"I thought of what might happen if I had found Misa in that situation. I'd want to know the cause of it, too."

"Agreed."

In the camera room, Aizawa was sitting next to Ori. L didn't know what they were doing, but when he got closer, he saw an untouched sandwich sitting in front of her. Ori was staring at Soichiro cradle his dead son's body.

"Honey," L bent down next to her, fingers rubbing up and down her wrist. "Do you want to go up to your room?" She didn't speak, just nodded her head and let herself be pulled up to her feet and tugged away from the cameras.

She seemed to break out of whatever spell she was under when they made it back to her room, at least a little. She still sounded out of it, but she was at least talking again, which L took as a good sign.

"He's dead." She sounded completely wrecked. 

"I know." L ran a hand through her curls. 

"Light's dead." Her hand curled into the fabric of his jeans, pulling.

"... I know." His thumb drifted over her cheek, the roundness sinking down slightly under his touch. 

"Mom's dead, Light's dead. What do I do now? What comes next?" She sounded completely heart broken. L didn't know what to do. He couldn't fix any of this. Vivian wasn't going to come back and Light wasn't going to come back and stop being Kira. 

"Whatever you decide." He could practically hear her thinking. 

"Do you think we should've let Light go like we did with Misa? Maybe if we just gave Ryuk and Rem their Death Notes back and they left, everything would go back to normal."

"Come on, Honey. We both know that's not true. I doubt they would let that happen, especially Ryuk. He had his fun, and he ended everything on his own. Ryuk had a plan to kill Light from the very beginning. At least Misa gets to go on with her life." She rolled over in his lap so she was facing him. 

"I guess, I just wish it hadn't ended the way it did." L rubbed a hand under her eyes. They were red, like she was going to cry, but no water came out.

"Are you going to cry?" He asked as softly as he could. 

"I'm tired of crying." Was her response. It wasn't all that late, only about three 'o' clock, but L felt exhausted, both physically and mentally. After they sort everything out, he was going to take a break from cases for a while. 

"Do you want to sleep?" She shook her head, curling into him.

"I don't want to have anymore nightmares." 

L leaned back, shifting their weight so he was on his back and Ori was lying on his stomach. She blinked at him owlishly, mouth open, but didn't speak. 

"I'll keep the nightmares away." He brushed under her eyes again, and it was like the damn broke. She whined and hiccuped wetly. 

"They're all gone." She said. Her voice cracked the way Soichiro's had earlier. "I didn't want him to be Kira." L brought his arms around her, pulling her close. "I just wanted to go to school with my best friend. This isn't what I wanted." L could do nothing but listen as Ori cried into his chest. "This isn't what I wanted." L's own eyes felt wet as he stared up at the ceiling. 

"I want my mom back. I want them all back."

"I know." She cried loudly, sucking in breath only to let it out moments letter in wet, heart wrenching sobs. "I know."

When Ori finally fell asleep, L was guessing it was somewhere closer to four in the afternoon. She was breathing softer now, chest rising and falling easily like her best friend hadn't just died. 

_Humans are so fragile_. He thought distantly. _They go their whole lives searching for_ something _without even quite knowing what it is, and along the way they have their hearts broken over and over again._ He looked at the life on his chest, young and yet experiencing more pain that most adults. 

"I'm sorry for your broken heart." He whispered. She said nothing, obviously, but she shifted a little. 

"I'll heal it one day."

<> <> <>

The next day, they had a funeral for Light Yagami, Vivian Cobb, and Hideki Ide. Technically, Ide already had a formal police funeral, but the remaining members of the Task Force wanted to pay their respects. Mogi was there too. Turns out, L had him 'covering' for Misa. He was searching for things to keep Misa guilty for her drug possession. It hadn't taken him that long, but L then let him off the hook and let him go home to his family as long as he didn't speak of the Kira Case to anyone outside of the Task Force. 

When Ori woke up, L admitted that he had had Vivian embalbed and she was ready for a proper buriel. Apparently, it had happened while Ori was in the hospital and L wanted to wait until the case was over, which it was. 

They did Light first. If it wasn't for Chief and Ori, she doubted this would've even happened, but she was glad it was. They all needed this kind of release. 

"Light was always a good kid." Chief said. "I know that he was killing criminals, and as a police officer, I can't excuse, but I know what he was trying to achieve. He just wanted to make the world a better place, even if his views of how it should be done were corrupt. I hope heaven finds his soul and carries him home." Ori refused to tell him that any Death Note user would be cast out of either heaven or hell. 

"I don't know how I'm going to tell his mother or sister of how he's gone or what he's done, but I want them to have the image they've always had of him. In their eyes, he was someone to be respected, and I won't take that away from them. Sayu deserves to think her brother was a good man." Chief nodded to Ori, signalling he was done. He placed a boque of chrysanthemums on his grave and backed away. Ori swallowed thickly and stepped forward. She didn't have any flowers for him, she didn't think he deserved it from her, but that didn't stop her from speaking.

"H.P. Lovecraft once wrote that the road to hell was paved with good intentions, and I think that quote applies to this situation fairly well. I wasn't even friends with Light for even a year, but he was the first real friend I've ever had in a long time, and I cherished the time we spent together. We bickered, we fought, and we teased each other, but I still cared about him. Light was like my brother, and if things had turned out differently, then I know without a doubt that he would've made an amazing detective. I can't forgive him for what he's done, and I don't think I ever could, but I know that, for the most part, he meant well and just wanted people to feel safe again." She felt stuck in her spot, and L had to tug her back by the hand for her to move again. 

"I didn't know Light very well." Matsui said. "But I know he was a really smart guy; I just wish that he hadn't been lying to us during the entire investigation. I think we could've been actual friends."

Light's grave was fairly bare except for the flowers Chief had put down. The only thing on his gravestone was his name, his birth year, and his death year. Below the time frame read. _Rest in peace._ It was simple. 

Vivian's grave was barely any different. She was always a fan of more simplistic stuff. As long as it worked, she was happy with it, so Ori hadn't done anything exotic with her design. In front of her headstone was a small boque of daisies and forget-me-nots. Two of Vivian's favorite flowers. 

No one spoke for a while; no one really knew what to say, or maybe they were waiting for Ori to start, but she didn't know how. How was she supposed to say goodbye like this? Or at all.

"I only met Vivian on two occasions." L started. Ori stared at him, and he gave her a sad smile. "But I can tell for certain that she was a wonderful woman with a large heart and love for her daughter. She was kind and funny, and her food was nothing short of excellent." Ori let the smile escape her at the end.

"Mom was my hero. She was smart-" Ori swallowed thickly. Clearing her throat, Ori pushed on, the weight on her chest lessening. "She was smart, and she was always there for me. She was ridiculous and scary sometimes, but I know it was because she wanted what was best for me, and I'll always be grateful for that.

"She always said that forget-me-nots were truly the most romantic flowers, not because they spoke of true love or anything like that, but because they were for remembering who's gone, and loving them because we remembered. So I won't forget Mom. I won't forget who she was, or what she meant to me." Her voice caught in her throat. She knew that the person she was in the end wasn't truly her; it was to differentiate the Vivian she knew, and the Vivian Kira controlled. 

"I didn't talk to Vivian often." Chief said. "I met her a few times, but I primarily knew her through Light and Orien. Given who Ori is, however, I can tell that she was a wonderful woman and mother with good guidance and moral values." Chief turned to Ori, gave her a small nod, and backed away. Ori let out a pitiful laugh. 

"It feels real now. I've had all this time to get over her death, but it never felt real until now."

"You don't just 'get over' someone's death." L whispered in her ear. "It's always going to hurt, but over time the hurt becomes a little less, and it'll be bareable."

"It'd be nice if you had a shortcut, bud." She whispered back.

"You know there are no shortcuts to grief." He interlaced their fingers, gently, with no hurry. Ori's skin tingled where he brushed his thumb over her knuckles. 

"Yeah... I know..." She didn't cry. For once, she didn't feel the tears welling up in her eyes, even though they burned. 

The sun hung low in the trees. I casted golden beams through the spaces in the leaves and lit up spaces on the gravestone. The flowers glowed like fairy lights had touched them. The sky was turning from blue to purple and pink dusted the horizon with a warm variety of colors. 

"Tomorrow's a new day." Matsui said. "It might not get rid of the losses of the past, but it's a chance for us to continue moving forward."

L leaned forward and looked past Ori at him, eyes characteristically wide.

"Matsuda, that's probably the smartest thing you've ever said." Ori laughed while Matsui-Matsuda-pouted. Aizawa placed a hand on his shoulder comfortingly. 

"I think I'm ready to move forward." Ori said. She tightened her grip on L's hand slightly and he squeezed back gently. She looked between Light's and Vivian's graves. 

_I'll miss both of you._

The afterparty wasn't so much of a party and more of Watari, L, and Ori all talking about random things. Now that the case was over, Aizawa, Mogi, Matsuda, and Chief and no reason to stay at the hotel anymore, and they all went back to their homes and families. 

"I'll miss them." L admitted quietly. "Despite the circumstances, they were fun."

"Even Matsuda?" Watari asked with a teasing smile.

"Even Matsuda." L relanquished. For the first time, the cameras were off, for they had no longer had any reason to keep them on. 

"I wish Mogi had stayed longer," Ori was leaning back in her chair. "He was nice. Huge too. I wonder if he could bench press me." L laughed, pushing at her with lazy arms. 

It was dark outside now; the stars and planets blinked brightly in the sky. Plates of eaten food laid empty on the table, and Watari stood up to take them away. 

"Do you want any help with that, Watari?" Ori asked. Watari just waved her off with a gloved hand. 

"There's no need. You two have had a long few days; so why don't you go take a break." His tone was kind, but left no room for argument. L rolled his chair around so he'd have room to stand up, playfully dragging Ori's chair back. She pushed him off and stood up. 

"Come on, you dork."

Ori's room in the hotel felt like it was her real room, like she had never slept anywhere else. It was strange, but not a bad strange. 

"Where are you going from here?" Her hands were splayed out in L's grasp. He stroked over the knuckles, lightly dragged his nails over the sides of her fingers. 

"I'm not entirely sure." She replied. "I still want to try to find my dad, but I don't know if I want to start now."

"Do you want my help?" They had never talked about whether or not they'd stay together after the Kira Case, and now Ori felt like they were paying for it. 

"I don't think so. I want to do this on my own."

"That makes sense, but if you change your mind, I'll help in any way that I can." He wrapped an arm under her back and dragged her closer so she was forced to roll on top of him. She giggled, she normally wasn't a giggler, and folded her fingers so she could rest her chin on them.

"Thank you." He kissed her forehead.

"You are welcome." His hands trailed over her sides, not enough to tickle, but enough to relax her and make her close her eyes. 

"Will you come back after you find your father?" He sounded fragile, afraid of the answer. Ori opened her eyes, meeting the deep black depths. 

"I'll even let you meet my dad." They stayed there, wrapped in each other until they were both fell asleep, Ori didn't want it to end. 

<> <> <>

The next morning, when the sun was rising and lighting up the room with its golden rays, L slowly blinked his eyes open, ready to see Ori's still sleeping face staring back at him. Dark brown lashes fluttered and pink mouth partially open. Ready to reach out and smooth over freckled cheeks, L reached his hand outward slowly. 

But he touched nothing but air. 

He blinked himself awake, seeing that Ori wasn't there, but there was a folded piece of paper lying on her pillow. Already knowing that she had left, he almost didn't bother with the letter, but the curiosity of its contents made him reach out and grasp it. Inside, a stem of forget-me-nots were taped to the paper.

_Lawliet,_

_Don't freak out; Watari told me your name. He said that this letter would be more personal that way, and I think he was right. Watari's always right._

L felt a smile crack onto his face.

_I realized this morning that I couldn't wait to find my father, even if I want to. The sooner I find him, the sooner I can tell him about Mom. I would've woken you up, but I know that if I said goodbye in person, I'd never want to leave, but writing this letter is hard too. Please don't be angry._

_I'll meet you again. I'm not sure when, but I know that it'll happen, so, in the meantime, I'd like it if you didn't forget me. I'll try not to forget you either._

_My love is yours, until the end of time, I refuse to fall for anyone else. Dragons mate for life, so I guess you're stuck with me. Tough luck, pal._

L wanted to tell her to quit joking around. To stay, but it would be pointless; no one would hear him anyway.

_Jokes aside, I love you, and I'll miss you, but this is something I have to do, because if I don't do it now, I'm not sure I ever will. I'm sorry to leave nothing but a letter, but that's all I can really afford unless you want my clothes, you perv._

"Jokes aside, huh?"

_We'll meet again; just wait for me._

_Honey_

"Of course, I wait for you, dummy." Something splashed onto the paper, wet. L brought his hands up to see he was crying. Great, she had rubbed off on him like that too. With a sigh, L walked into the bathroom and flicked on the light. There was another piece of paper with a leather bracelet sitting on it. 

_Just kidding. A letter isn't the only thing I can give you. Take a piece of me, but don't lose it, otherwise, I'll be pissed. Be great, love._

Shaking his head with a smile, L picked up the bracelet and gazed at the iron plague. _Magnus_ was written on it. 

_I already have a piece of you_. He ran a hand over his chest, where an ache was starting to form. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> "The road to hell is paved with good intentions."  
> -Henry G. Bohn


	53. Epilogue

Five years. That doesn't seem like a long time, but for the sake of being dramatic, it felt like five decades to Lawliet. Before the Kira Case, he solved cases he was interested in, and then he moved onto the next one and it didn't bother him. He had a routine, and he was content with it. Now, it felt monotonous and a chore to solve each one. They felt too easy. At least if Ori was there, he'd have someone other than Quilish to talk to. No disrespect against the old man, but Lawliet couldn't kiss him without it being weird. 

Every year, on his birthday, he would have gifts sent to him. The first was a small scorpion and a bull. They were made from wood, and painted meticulously. The scorpion was mainly black and dark brown with small accents of red on the pinchers and along the stinger. The bull was a light brown with golden horns and hoofs. Both figurines had been dotted with stars and constellations. There was a letter attached. Lawliet instantly recognized that messy scrawl, a mix between print and cursive.

_Scorpio and Taurus are said to have good compatibility. I guess we're in luck, Scorpio._

The gift had come from Lapaz, Bolivia.

Each year he was given small nicknacks from different areas of the world, and they always came in two, like she was sending off her own so they could share when she came back. Lawliet would never complain.

This latest case was no different from the others. It was too easy, just some doctor who had gone on a murder spree in her own home and killed her whole family. She had done a good job cleaning up any traces of her, but her big mistake was taking her coat with her, which had excess blood on it and had dripped onto the carpet. Her's was the only one gone and none of the other coats had blood on them. It didn't help that she was the only one unaccounted for. Two children and one wife dead. L didn't know where the woman was yet, but he had narrowed it down to the upper Midwest, somewhere around Indiana and Michigan. It wouldn't long for the police to zero in on the doctor. 

"Sir, there's something in the lobby that needs your attention," Quilish said. 

"I'll be right there in a moment," Lawliet said.

"It'd be better if you didn't wait, sir." Lawliet looked up from his spot on the floor. 

"I see." He stood up, knees popping after sitting on the ground for so long. They were in a hotel in Iowa, ready for the snow to fall. Lawliet distantly remembered that tomorrow was his birthday. The only reason why he remembered anymore was because of the packages he waited for. 

Down in the lobby, it was almost completely empty. There was the receptionist, looking bored and playing on his phone, a young couple whispering and sharing small kisses in a far corner, and a young woman sitting by the window, gazing outside, suitcases sat untouched at her feet. Watari cleared his throat gently, and the woman turned her head. 

The first thing Lawliet noticed was her sea-colored eyes. Flecked with gold. 

Time slowed down. 

The leather bracelet on his wrist felt warmer.

Her face was darker, kissed gold by the sun. Her hair was shorter too, settling just past her chest in looser curls. 

Lawliet couldn't move. She had to stand up and walk to him. 

Upon further inspection, he noticed that the gold in her eyes had darkened, now appearing to be amber instead of gold, but just as beautiful. Her freckles were darker, stark against tan skin. 

"Hey," her voice was smoother than it used to be. It used to be rough around the edges, always sounding like she was on the verge of yelling. 

"Hey," he said back. Ever the eloquent one. Her hair was lighter. Still brown, but the golden and white-blond was easier to pick out. She was a little taller, now standing eye-level just below his shoulder. 

She had aged like a goddess. 

No words could describe the swelling in his chest. He didn't know what to say, so he did the only thing he knew to do. He grappled for her, pulling her into his chest and hugging her close. He had to make sure this one was real. He'd had far too many hallucinations of her next to him, her tucked into his chest while they slept, her joking around while she ate a plate of eggs doused in ketchup. Her. 

"You're here." His voice sounded ragged in his throat like he had ripped the words from his soul to speak them.

"I'm here." She confirmed. And that was all he needed. He pulled her back, running his thumbs under her eyes where the dark circles seemed to permanently reside. They were still there, but lighter.

"You're beautiful." He croaked and she laughed, the sound a lovely melody in his ears.

"Not so bad yourself, Scorpio." Her warm, small hands wrapped around his, her cheeks turning a gentle pink. 

He brought her closer, swept up in her tropical smell, and caught her lips. She tasted like fresh air, like the ocean. She laughed against his mouth, and Lawliet captured the sound greedily. 

"I missed you." She whispered. "So much."

"Too- me too- missed you." She laughed at him, letting her forehead bonk against his softly. 

"As nice as this is, I don't want to continue our reunion in a shitty hotel lobby."

"I see you haven't changed." He said dryly. She pulled away, walking towards the elevator. 

"Why would I change? I'm great."

"Yeah, sure," but he didn't fight the smile on his face.

* * *

With the case practically solved, Lawliet had time to properly spend with Ori. She told him about her adventures from Bolivia to Spain, from Spain to Russia, from Russia to Mexico, and from Mexico to London before finally coming to America to find him.

"Every time you went somewhere new, Quilish would let me know." Lawliet turned to his caretaker with a look of betrayal. 

"How come you never told me?" The old man just shrugged with a smile before leaving the room.

"I wanted it to be a surprise when I came back." She said giddily. Twenty-four and she still got excited like a child. 

"Honestly? Best birthday ever."

"I'm glad." She said with a blinding smile. Something was bothering Lawliet, though. 

"Did you ever find your father?" He asked. Ori dropped her happy smile for a smaller one, scratching the back of her neck.

"It's-uh-it's a long story."

<> <> <>

To be continued in book two: _I'll Find You._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “There is no real ending. It’s just the place where you stop the story.”  
> ― Frank Herbert

**Author's Note:**

> "Every secret of a writer's soul, every experience of his life, every quality of his mind, is written large in his works."  
> -Virginia Woolf


End file.
